> THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
> 1. Innovative
>
> 2. Preliminary
>
> 3. Proliferation
>
>
> 4. Cinnamon
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
> 1. Specificity
>
> 2. Anti-constitutionalistically
>
>
> 3. Passive-aggressive disorder
>
> 4. Transubstantiate
>
>
>
>
>
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
> DRUNK:
>
> 1. No thanks, I’m married.
>
>
> 2. Nope, no more booze for me!
>
> 3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
>
> 4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I’m not hungry.
>
> 5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
>
> 6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
>
>
> 7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
>
> 8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no
> coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!
>
> 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
>
>
> 10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
>

Children's books
Daddy Has an Itch. Mommy Smells Like Fish: A Child’s Rhyming Guide to STD’s
The Best Things to Drink Are under the Sink
Toy Story 3: Buzz Gets a Woody
Is Angelina My Mommy?
Where the Wild Thongs Are
The Smith & Wesson Coloring Book for Kids
Ashley Has Two Daddies, and They’re Both Going to Burn in Hell
Dismemberment Donny Needs A Hand
The Secret Pot Garden
Princess Poledancer And The Twirly Tassle Gang
Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy & The Easter Bunny: Just The Beginning of a Lifetime of Lies
Math Will Make You Ugly
The Magical World beneath the Tarp on the Pool
All Alone with the Internet: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story.
The Fog in the Looking Glass (and Other Ways to Find Out if Grandma’s Still with Us)
A Buzzing in the Night: Why Your Wii Control’s Batteries Are Gone
It’s Not that Grandpa Doesn’t Love You, He Just Loves Drinking More
You Don’t Need to Think When You’re Pretty
Furious George Gets Cut Off on the Freeway
Why Do Grandma’s Boobies Touch Her Waist? (And Other Questions Not to Ask Out Loud)
Rachel Has Seven Mommies: A Children’s Guide to the Book of Mormon
Things We Can’t Afford because Your Father Left Us
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning
Frog And Toad Are Friends with Benefits

:lol: I like those, xoB

...and that's how the fight started
 

Today I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
and slipped quietly into the garage I hooked up the boat to the truck,
and proceeded to pull out into a torrential downpour. The wind was already blowing 35 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and confirmed that the weather would be that bad or worse all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible.."

My loving wife of 12 years replied, "I know. Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

True story:
Today I went to my disabled mother's house (our old house) to do some wash, re-organize her room and hang up some curtains she purchased awhile back. they all looked the same and I didn't bother to check the sizes... I asked if they were all the same to which she replied "yes, of course"...

I proceeded to dress the first windows (she wanted 2 panels per window). Huh? one is two feet shorter than the other.... pulled looked at the packages... first one 42X84. Second Panel package is 42X63... ok... lets take a look perhaps its a one off.... uh no... she had 5 different sizes of the same fabric curtains... I could only make one set... :facepalm:

At least I got a good laugh.

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

``Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale.''

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

good one, gravdigr!

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, ‘Do you think we’re out far enough, Barbie?” Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, “Nope, not yet Bubbles.”

So they row a little farther…. Again Bubbles asks Barbie, “Do you think we’re out far enough now?”

Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, “No, this will never do. The water is only up to my chest.”

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath she says, “OK, it’s finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.

very good

Before Chelsea's wedding Hillary wanted to discuss some of the issues newlyweds deal with ...

She asked Chelsea ... "Have you had sex with Marc yet?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

Hah!

A Man's Fairytale ...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing
and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and
scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and
farted whenever he wanted.


The End.

rock!

paper!


(oh wrong thread - nevermind)

Scissors

Hand grenade.

Countest thee to three.
Three shalt thou count.
And the counting of the number shall be three.

1..2..5!

Three, sir!

Oh yes, three.

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am.

Common Tools Explained

To the unintiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned cleco calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh*t!"
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bum per.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Excellent - I must admit I think I've used every one!

Love it! Just need to add that big, roughly safety pin-shaped device used to ignite torches by squeezing and rubbing a flint along a rough surface. Used to amuse bothersome kids, at least it was in our family.

KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about
it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinn er ?'

I have a feeling this link has already been posted here before, but it's brightening my afternoon today, so I thought I'd make sure:

(The Customer Is) Not Always Right

AVIATION RULES AND REMINDERS

* Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

* If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Unless you keep pulling the stick back...then they get bigger again.

* Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

* The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

* The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

* Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.

* The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

* A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down -- all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly -- they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

* Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

* There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

* The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as co-pilot is a co-pilot who once was a captain.

* It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

* A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

* Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

* Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fire hydrant what it thinks about dogs.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ’Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ’cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (’Cold wax,’ yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!! I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…. OH MY GAUD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe………… OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There’s NO hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself: ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!’ What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?’ She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

IT WORKS!

It works! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE……..ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I’m going to try hair color…

* The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.

FTFY

all others awesome funny!

It's supposed to be "Las Vegas Where":

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"...why not?

Would make a good movie title

OMG that woman in the middle is so hot.

Now, I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one a bit touched in the head.

Of course, this movie will be a "must see" next year

1978 vs. 2010

1978: Long hair
2010: Longing for hair

1978: KEG
2010: EKG


1978: Acid rock
2010: Acid reflux


1978: Moving to California because it's cool
2010: Moving to Arizona because it's warm


1978: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2010: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor


1978: Seeds and stems
2010: Roughage


1978: Hoping for a BMW
2010: Hoping for a BM


1978: Going to a new, hip joint
2010: Receiving a new hip joint


1978: Rolling Stones
2010: Kidney Stones


1978: Screw the system
2010: Upgrade the system


1978: Disco
2010: Costco


1978: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2010: Children begging you to get their heads shaved


1978: Passing the drivers' test
2010: Passing the vision test


1978: Whatever
2010: Depends

Two flies were sitting on (I'm sorry about this) some dog shit. Suddenly one of them farts and the other looks at him disgusted, "Do you mind", he says, "I'm trying to eat my dinner here".

*YOU'RE* sorry?!

:facepalm: :)

And well you might apologize. Because clearly this is the most vulgar, disgusting thing ever posted on The Cellar.

Haven't been to the politics forums lately? :lol:

That's a great joke. I'll tell my nieces!

Why it rains in Europe and not in Gulf :D
http://www.mailbrunch.com/email/Why-...b-71cf27b53281

Unless I'm sadly mistaken, I never saw Europe in any of those pictures...

But I don't understand why rain clouds do not have an interest into getting that girl wet... ;)

Rhianne, IF you ever think that a joke will be offensive to someone, feel free to post it into the "Tasteless Jokes" thread in the "Entertainment" forum.

There, you'll see some jokes that are truly offensive.

Alas, where has all our innocence gone?

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'



*****

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them..'



*****

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'



******

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!



******

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.'



*****

Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'



*****

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares.'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'



*****

.... God's Problem Now:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.

That guy's expression was hilarious. :lol:

nice!

This is NSFW or KIDS ........

hahaha - a rhinocerous. brilliant.

Excellent Craigslist post: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/1881050881.html

:thumb::rotflol:

excellent ut

.

That's nothing. On failbook today there are two post series, one grappling with the question of where the other half of the moon goes during a half-moon, and the other struggling to cope with the concept of a spherical Earth.

Ha! Zen, Go ahead and laugh. Any moment you and your Australian friends will be falling off the earth because you are upside down!!111!

How can plain land on a treadmill if its upside down? Please exsplain.

Wow, I knew you Aussies were backwards but I had no idea you were also upside down.

Jinx, well OBVIOUSLY, we put the treadmill upside down too. Then the plane can land on (or should that be under) the underneath side of it. Clear?

It is worth noting that the round earth debaters often wrote "aeroplane", which is British-style English, so these twits are probably not from the US. "Plain" and "gravaty" can be attributed to general stupidity, but we knew that already.

I saw a t-shirt...on it was two piles of shit...a fly was on one pile of shit...a fly was hovering over the other pile of shit...The hovering fly says to the first fly, "Pardon me, is this stool taken?"

:blunt:

Computer:Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh God, here we go.

Computer: *sighs* Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you're there.

Printer: NO! I'm not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne...

Mouse: Sir, he's clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!

Computer: You're not out of in...

Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!

Computer: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen...

Computer: Just do it, damn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He's hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you've done?!

Printer: HA! that's what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he...hey...HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He's torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.

:yelsick: