Q: you know why a womans pussy and asshole are so close together?





A: So you can carry them home like a 6 pak, when they get drunk at a party.:thumb2:

Why are pubic hairs curly? So they won't poke your eyes out.

Sorry, thought it was a "tasty joke" thread.

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are standing in divorce court awaiting the judge to begin deliberations when the judge says "Mickey, it says here you want to divorce Minnie because she acts silly. That doesn't sound like a very good reason to me, would you care to explain yourself?" At which point Mickey stands and says in his squeky voice "Your honor, I didn't say I want to divorce her because she acts silly, I said I wanted to divorce her because she's fucking Goofy!"

Why do cowboys have brown noses?


Look'in for love in all the wrong places.

omg too soon!

Thank you.


---------


Q: What's the difference between a microwave and anal sex?
A: A microwave won't brown your meat.


---------


Guy walks into a bar and says "All lawyers are assholes".
This big fellow in a suit whips around and says "Hey, I resent that."
"Yeah, well are you a lawyer?" he asks.
"No" says the big guy, "I'm an asshole."

Not an actual joke per se, but...

As I was out walking the other night, I thought about playing a practical joke on an Arab family that lives down the street from us.

I thought about taking their shoes and placing them directly in front of their door, sole side up.







(Let's see how many people get this, and how long it takes. :))





(Yes...I know...I'm a sick fuck. :))

We did something similar to an instructor when I was in Arabic class, we all crossed our legs sole facing the door. When he walked in, we realized we'd forgotten he doesn't get 'humour' per se. He just yelled at us for an hour :(

Ok, what's the meaning of Arabs seeing shoe soles?

Well, it's more the bottom of your feet. They just see it as a big insult, as it's the dirtiest part of you. Common insult would be Qundirah Ibn Qundirah or something like it. "Shoe son of a shoe."

So if you ever meet an Arab (most get over this one after about a year and they realize we don't think of it as an insult) make it a point to keep both feet facing the floor.

It's really more of a manners / etiquette issue. If you were sitting with someone and crossed your legs, it's considered impolite to have the bottom of your shoe facing them. The act of the shoes by themselves being upside down facing them is really nothing.

I guess that depends on country. I've known an arab to assign an insult to an up-facing shoe.

Wait a second, people; remember all those Iraqis using the soles of their shoes to smack images of Saddam with? There's a reason they were using their shoes and a reason they were using the soles.

Arab streets have long been unclean places, and that's been true up until quite recently. While not showing shoe sole is a tradition, it is one with a serious material reason. It can be found in Islamic societies that are not by any stretch Arab; keep your soles to yourself in Turkey, too.

Q:How do you spot a Jewish pedophile?



A: He's behind a bush asking kids if they would like to buy some candy.

Terrible...I know.

Original Joke:
Маленький мальчик в песочке играл,
Тихо подъехал к нему самосвал.
Не было слышно ни крика, ни стона —
Только сандали торчат из бетона.


Translation to English:
A boy played in the sandbox with no one to mind him,
When quietly a mixing truck pulled up behind him.
He peeped not a peep, cried out nary a cry —
Just his sandals stuck out when the concrete was dry.

Pavarotti is standing at the pearly gates.

St Peter opens them and says 'oh it's you Luciano, come on in, squeeze
through'.

Pavarotti says 'hold on, i've got an envelope for you, from the pope.'

St Peter opens it up and reads it.




'HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU'

:lol:

How is an Italian woman like a hockey goalie? They both wear the same pads for three periods.

pikey goes to the doctors and asks for the pill for his 11 year old daughter, is she sexualy active?, the doctor asks
no,replied the pikey, she just lies there like her fuckin mother!

Paedo - check
Incest - check
Sexism - check

The perfect tasteless joke
(I laughed)

There's a new car on the market. Great for families. You can fit two kids in the back and one in the boot...it's called the Renault McCann.

*checks calendar* yep, it's been long enough. that's funny dana.

*Grins* yeah.....I think I've been awfully restrained waiting...

how do ya make a woman scream twice?
fuck her up the arse then wipe it on the curtains!

Husband emerged from the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed, when he's wife complained as usual "I have a headache."
"Perfect" says husband, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with asprin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, its up to you.



I was walking down the road earlier, and there was a blind man at the cash machine he said to me, "excuse me sir, can you please check my balance for me?"
I said to him, "of course I don't mind." And I pushed him over.

lol that second one was very funny

why are there so many pedophiles in england?

i think it must be all those sexy kids!

not super dirty but pretty funny i thought:

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."






A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

:lol: Oh my god, I laughed my ass off at that last one, rex.

alright i got two awesome ones:

Q: whats the difference between a regular jew and a black jew?
A: the black jew has to sit at the back of the oven.

Q: why do girls love jesus?
A: because he was hung

trulytasteless

So many crap jokes repeated like 5 times... you guys suck.. I thought this was a tasteless joke page, not an unfunny racist one.
anyway, heres some that haven't been done yet on here, getting progressively worse...

Q: What do you call a female police officer who shaves her pubes?
A: Cuntstubble

Q: Whats got 8 legs and scares the fuck out of women?
A: Gangrape

Q: Whats the difference between Madeline McCann and Madeline McCann jokes?
A: The jokes will get old (Although this one doesn't :D)

Q: Why did the necrophiliac get caught?
A: Some rotten cunt split on him!

Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on it's teddy bear

knock knock.
who's there?
911.
911 who?
What? You forgot already?

i think its better told like this:

knock knock
who's there?
world trade center
wtc who?
i thought you said you'd never forget?

----
what's the difference between george bush and a bucket of shit?
the bucket.

----
why is divorce so expensive?
because it's worth it.

----
what did one gerbil say to the other gerbil?
lets go to the gay bar and get shit-faced.

----
what's brown and sticky?
a stick.

----
how do you starve a *insert ethnic slur* person?
hide his foodstamps in his work boots.

----
what is long, hard, and full of se(a)men?
a submarine.

----
did you hear about the mathematician with constipation?
he worked it out with a pencil

----
did you hear about the sky-diving blind guy?
scared the hell out of the dog.

----
a guy on vacation sees a crippled girl crying at the beach. he asks her what's wrong. she says she's never been hugged. so he gives her a hug and she stops crying. the next day he sees her crying again, cause she has never been kissed. he kisses her and she cheers up. the following day, he sees her more sad than ever. she says she's never been fucked. so he throws her in the ocean and says now you're fucked!

---
three guys stranded on a desert island find a genie in a bottle who grants them each a wish. the first wishes to be back home, and *poof* he disappears. the second wishes to be far away in paradise, and *poof* off he goes. the third guy says "i'm lonely, i wish my friends were back here."

----
three kids come down for breakfast. their mom asks the oldest "what would you like for breakfast?" to which he responds "make me some fuckin pancakes!" appalled at his language, the mother sends him to his room without food. "what would YOU like for breakfast?" she asks the second child. "more fuckin pancakes for me!" he exclaims, only to be sent to his room as well. "well sweetie" the mother says to the youngest, "what would you like?" the kid says "i dunno mom, but i definitely don't want any fuckin pancakes!"

----
so i go to the shrink. he says "you're crazy!" i tell him i'm gonna need to get a second opinion. so he says "okay, you're ugly too!"

I just wanted to point out this item...Louis CK on tomorrow night if you have showtime...which I don't...:(

http://www.louisck.net/

Women Are Evil By Nature...
=====================
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She
gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately. She seductively signaled that he
should bring his face closer to hers. As he did,
she gently caressed his full beard.

'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face
with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.

'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said,
running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there
anything I can do?'

'Yes, I need you to give him a message,' she continued,
running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and
slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them
gently. 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.

'Tell him,' she whispered, 'there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room.'

Since when?
 

At what point did it become illegal to be homophobic?
I tend to agree that if someone doesn't like it, don't look at it.
Personally I think most of them are funny if you don't take everything so seriously. It's a JOKE, it's supposed to be funny.

I love it
 

So using the logic here we have the ability to distinguish between a 'normal' crime....

A white guy beating a white guy to death with a baseball bat

Or a hate crime....

A white guy beating a black guy to death with a baseball bat.

One is of course, by nature, NOT hateful.

Good gracious - that was posted 5 YEARS ago. Who cares at this point? Oh and welcome aboard the cellar.

What is black and white and red all over? A Race riot.

Would it still be funny if it was not offensive?

Welcome to the Cellar, wiley. :D

Sometimes....when you cry....no one sees your tears..
Sometimes....when you are in pain...no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes....when you are worried....no one sees your stress.
Sometimes....when you are happy.....no one sees your smile...
But...
Just try masturbating on a bus one time and just see how much fucking attention you get!

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

:Pump-Kin

And a new contender enters the ring...

THIS IS FOR NIC
 

Quote:
Extreme hate crimes tend to be committed by people with a history of antisocial behavior. One of the most heinous examples took place in June 1998 in Jasper, Texas. Three men with jail records offered a ride to a black man who walked with a limp. After beating the victim to death, they dragged him behind their truck until his body was partially dismembered.

PARTIALLY DISMEMBERED! ... TEXANS never could finish a God Damn Thing! Probably pushed it off on a couple of Mexicans, who were too lazy to do it and found a group of Cubans to do it for twelve cents, who sold it to the Chinese guy as Dog, who cleaned it and sold it to the Japanese Dude saying it was the new Beef, who put panties on it and Fucked it before he threw those panties on eBay and re-sold the carcass as Art to a Stupid American who propped it up in their livingroom and blamed the smell of Death and Sex on the Stupid Pollocks that delivered it.

(Turns out those Pollocks were actually Dutch, which explains everything!)

P.S. FUCK YOU NIC!

Wow...
Just. Wow. :mg:

What. Duh. Fuuuuuuuuuuu?

And how does Jackson Pollock's family fit into this whole deal?

Pollocks. snort.

Who is Nic?

... that was eight fucking years ago!

Speechless

...aaaand Never Mind The Pollocks. It's The Sex Pistils...

what do you call an italian with a yeast infection?
wopper with cheese

what do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection?
quarter pounder with cheese!

Why isn't there any portuguese people on star trek?
cause they don't work in the future either!

What's the difference between a woman and a fridge ?









Have you ever heard a fridge fart when you take out the meat ? :rolleyes:

huh.... there's a whole shit ton of these:

Whats the difference between paki-dots and turbins?



push start and pull start!

How do you separate the Greek men from the Greek boys?



with a crowbar!

Why have they never sent a woman to the moon?



because is doesn't need cleaning!