Fair enough, Shawnee. I don't know what it's like inside your head, and you don't know what it's like in mine. I am sorry that I'm not qualified to empathize with you, because that was my intention; it certainly wasn't to come off as presumptuous and condescending. I guess maybe I really am just an antisocial selfish bitch. Too bad they don't have meds for that.

Whatever juniper. That was helpful.

Qualified and antisocial selfish bitch are your words. Maybe you want a label? Perhaps you have one. Perhaps you are depressed and are trying to overcome the guilt I spoke of by telling yourself and us how you walk out of it.

Maybe there are meds for you. You can hope, if that's what you desire so much. :right:

I mean seriously, do you want ME to diagnose your depression? No? Then get diagnosed and get some help, if you think it's there. Or wah wah around about not being depressed but being so...depressed. I don't get it, but I'm not in your head.

I guess we don't have to worry about ever finding time to meet in person, eh? Oh well. I had no idea you had such animosity toward me. Thanks for clearing that up.

I do not have animosity towards you. My points might be harsh but I have no ill feelings towards you.

My feeling about depression/not depression are pretty clear if you read all my posts in this thread. My feelings about you...certainly not ill will. I wonder if you do have depression. Think about it. You brought this up where you know someone like me will argue that you just can't get it if you don't really deal with it...that this isn't just the blues. Maybe I didn't read well enough myself. Do you have trouble with the happenings of what to others is everyday life? If so, I urge you to cast off the "my family just deals with it" motto that you have known all your life, and see if maybe there isn't some help. You remind me of me, to tell the truth.

I'm sorry about my harshness. I'm a harsh bitch sometimes, probably another defense mechanism.

I have NO ill feelings towards you. I would love to meet you someday. I'm a horrible person at times, but a horrible person with a nice side. Sorry juni.

Yes, you look much nicer after you've gone back to edit your post. Whatever.

What post did I edit? I only edit the one I am currently posting, if you're implying I changed any previous post to seem less harsh, I assure you I didn't, and that is akin to calling me a liar. You've mixed me up with posters who care that much what the general public thinks. I tried to meet you halfway.

Yeah well, I tried. Go suck an egg. Then cry about it, but don't blame it on me. Jesus.

edit: and fuck you. Set people up much? Get me all riled up so you can point at the bitch. Pathetic.

You edited #62. Maybe we were posting at the same time, but I saw a different version of it.

Anyway, I'm dropping it. I want to apologize profusely to Foot, whose thread I hijacked and made too much about me. It's funny--I always start out trying to empathize, and end up looking like an idiot. Foot, I really hope you're feeling better soon.

Bullshit, what did I edit?

Yeah, I always try to be a part of something I have experience with, but like you I am made the fool. Because people like you need a bad guy too badly. Thanks much. Your supposed 'empathy' is heartwarming. I could hug the world. Fucking nice.

NEW POST. NO EDITING.

Yes, each post is a thought in process, being honed then resubmitted. I try to keep it in a three minute timeline. I know my harshness, I try to temper it.

But I won't be bullied into the temperament you think I should exhibit towards you. You're being mean, and you know it.

You are depressed. Get help. It isn't my fault.

As I said: it's part of the reason I chose a single and childless life. depression was a damn sight harder to 'live with' when I had to interact with people regardless of my state of mind. I can, and do, have times when I just can't interact with people. Having a partner, and 9-5 work responsibilities is a nightmare at times like that.

The only responsibility I have that I cannot back out of/cancel/ignore, is Pilau's walk and food. Even so, from time to time, I dump him on Ma for a spell.

This is how I got/get through depression. It works for me. But living alone, and creating the perfect cocoon isn't necessarily the healithiest option for everybody. Like I say, it works for me. The impact of depression is much lessened by the lack of people/children/responsibilities who can be let down or hurt.

If I give vent to my obsessive nature, there's nobody angry or upset that I spent £1000 on pot and sci-fi. If I spend days just in my own head, nobody is upset or feels shut out. If I completely lose my grip on the house and my own well-being, stop doing the basics, become nocturnal, spend most of the day slumped on the sofa unable to muster the caring to wash. I'm not also carrying a weight of guilt about how this might be affecting somebody else. Except for Pilau. But at least I can palm him off with a biscuit and a belly rub.

A less dysfunctional approach might actually have been to take medication and learn to live in the world like other people do. But I have never seen a psychiatrist I trusted and most of my experience of drugs (and hospitals) has been profoundly unhelpful. Couple that with having basically been able to mould my life around what I feel able to do at any given time, and my way seems sensible to me.

So...where am I going with this? Yeah. If you need medication to live with depression then take medication. It's the sensible thing to do. If you need medication to be able to live in the way you want to live (ie function and hold down a job and have a chance at a career, a relationship that works and maybe raising children) then take medication, it's the sensible thing to do. And if not taking medication means your brain chemistry is such that you are incapacitated, or in danger of harming yourself, then take medication, it's the sensible thing to do.

It's kind of a silly argument really. Depression is different for different people and therefore requires different responses. What works for one person isn't necessarily going to work for the next. I'm glad I don't have to take medication in order not to feel suicidal, or completely flat. My strategies work because of that. They wouldn't work if I had the kind of depression that requires medical intervention.

The trouble is these things are very personal. The level of impact is very personal. And that can lead to a certain defensiveness. It is a strange thing to find oneself defending an illness/condition/state of mind. But these things are often wrapped up in our sense of self.

Your inability to read one sentence, and let it go belies ignorance about how humor works. Maybe this'll help:

Who the fuck would actually ask someone he doesn't know for their unknown pills? Who the fuck would take pills from a stranger? How the fuck would I get 'em? You didn't display a lot of thought on this one did ya?

I didn't ask for it. I don't ask for it. But, I do have to live with it. Every day. I had to live with it when I was so fucked up (and I don't mean high) nobody would have anything to do with me. I lived with it in my parents' house. I lived with it in my home. I lived with it when all I had was a box to live in. I lived with it in prison. Don't talk to me about "asking for it".

"unless you like to be sick for attention." Kiss my ass for that.



And just so you know, I don't take any prescription medication, anti-depressants or otherwise.

I guess, according to Shaw, unless you're dead, dying, killing yourself, or eating pills like M&Ms, you just can't be depressed.

Either that, or it's a case of "Nobody's Depresseder Than Me".

I'm just going to make one more point and then I am out of here:

In this thread we have what appears to be a group of varyingly depressed people arguing over definitions of depression, each labouring under their own individual loads of baggage and association.

Unsurprisingly, this conversation has not gone well. It is worth all taking a step back at this point and considering that we of all people should be able to give the other a little more lee way than we might and a little less shit than we might under other circumstances and in other contexts.

No, what we have is a poster who got all shitty FOR NO REASON. They got called out for it. Self monitoring at its best.