Jim,
I mentioned some books on Buddhism to Griff in another thread. My personal take on Buddhism and 12 step programs is that despite being a religion, Buddha is not a god, despite many translators calling him "lord Buddha." One of the fundamental aspects of Buddhism is that Buddha was just an ordinary person, and this is important. Buddha means awakened, and in Buddhsim we are all Buddhas. Not sure how that might pan out as a higher power, but it might eventually work out nicely. If Buddha can do it, so can I.

In AA they talk about bottoming out, Christianity it's the dark night of the soul, in Buddhism its "the raising of the Bodhi mind" whatever you want to call it, what has happened to you is that you realize things are not as they could be and you want to change the way things are.

I'd stick with the 12 step literature for awhile before delving into Buddhism, it will really confuse things at first, especially since Buddhism is so keen on you taking personal responsibility for everything. I found it hard to admit to being powerless while reading in Buddhist texts that everything is my responsibility. Ultimately the path of Buddhism is very empowering, but until you get your base solidified it may create confusion. At least it did for me.

That being said, your higher power could be just that: YOUR higher power. Your highest expression of self, the you Jinx sees in her heart. Or it could be just that collection of sounds that comes out "your higher power."


Some reading material worth picking up is a great book called "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. It's not a book about being a prick, it's about how men learned to be adaptive and pleasing as kids out of fear of displeasing loved ones and thereby become secretive and dishonest in their relationships as adults. After reading the book, it was a real eye opener to me.



I gotta go help the kids, more later.

I suggest you start with the books of Thich Nhat Hanh. His books are very accessible to the Western reader and quite eloquent. My fav is The Heart of Understanding. Jack Kornfield is an American who studied at a Buddhist monestary in Japan or India (can't remember which). His writing is also clear and easy to understand.

While Buddhism does emphasize personal accountability, it also states that we are powerless over what happens to us. What we can control is our response to these things.

Unlike Griff, I had no trouble fitting Buddhism in with the 12 steps, but of course each of us is different. The important thing is to find what works for you!

Namaste,

Sam

Shaw's point is an excellent one. I too thank you.

Very excellent point Sam.

Yeah, I was. But you know, when I don't have to answer to anyone else, I can rationalize like a motherfucker.

I don't think a Deity is the answer. Your goal is not to contol your eating, to lose weight, become a better person, or world peace... your goal is your family. I don't mean be a slave to Jinx and the kids, you're part of the family too. But in every action/decision, ask yourself, is this best for my family.

You've had a shocker, like going to pee in the morning and finding your dick fell off. You're smart, it won't take you long to figure out how to pee sitting down.

the image and essence of what I CAN be. The goal.

will read that, asap.

^this^

I agree, the weight is a secondary issue....tertiary even. Main issue being repairing my disconnect with reality, second being the security and future of my family. I only put my sanity first because I have to do that before I can effectively do the other.

eyes open wider every day

thank you again

Wow. Come late to this.
Assumed it was a joke thread at first.

Jim, if you're compulsively over-eating there is something in your life or in your past you are compensating for.
I agree with the suggestions other people have made, but my advice is to seek some kind of counselling AS WELL.
Knowing why you have allowed this to affect your relationship with the woman you love and the two children you adore is important in moving forwards.

I have an addictive personality. I don't mean it as an excuse because I have never become physically addicted to anything in my life. I smoked; I gave up. I drank heavily (ie at a level very dangerous to my health) I gave up. Drink I am still fighting btw, but not at the same level. But I also overeat. And I have never been able to control it, despite getting down to under 9 stone at one point (9x14 = lb).

I assume it's the lying and sneaking about that's the real issue. I felt the same betrayal when I found out an ex who claimed to have given up smoking had only actually given up in my presence. But you and Jinx are stronger than that.

I'm so sorry you are apart at the moment. It must be hurting like buggery for both of you, and your children. Much love to you all, and here's to the future.

I just saw this post and wanted to let you know that I'm behind you, Jim. We all have our failings and at least you are trying to get yours under control. I hope you and Jinx can work things out.

On the subject of personal responsibility vs. admitting powerlessness, I had it presented to me recently in a novel way.

The typical thing that I get chastised for is that I'm "too hard on myself"--too demanding for results, and too frustrated at myself for not getting them sooner. My (usually internal) retort is that I am taking responsibility for these things, that I may be harsh but I'm still fundamentally right. But the other day I was instead told, "That's some pedestal you've got yourself on there. Thinking you're that good," to get immediate, fully satisfying results every time I set out to get them. Anyway, that really took me aback, to think of it in terms of actually feeding my own ego, instead of abusing my ego like I'd thought I was doing.

The "journey without end" has begun.

Excellent!

A clodfobble brain ego feedback loop could wreak havoc on a small city, be careful CF.

Jim, good luck. As everybody has said, coming clean about the problem is a big first step. I'm very sympathetic, based on some of the things I've had to deal with. Drop me a line if you need anything.

Hugs to you and Jinx, Jim.

I've always been told that you have to fix yourself FOR yourself first.
Then the rest will follow.

I'm thinking good thoughs for success for you.

Good thought coming your way big guy.