lmao! yeah, i do don't i? dang it!

We had the big customer service meeting. Someone who didn't attend asked what the essential message was.

I said, "She said, 'Be excellent to each other.'"

The 26 year old blinked blankly. (she mostly blinks blankly, she's not really swift, but she is very thin and young so that gets her through most situtations).

My partner, who is approaching fifty with me, looked at me and said, "You summarized an hour long meeting by quoting Bill and Ted?"

I finished the conversation by strumming my air guitar.

Nothing more needed to be said.

I couldn't do what you do, but gawd you'd be a hoot to work with!

Sounds like a tale right out of the Zen koan book.

Perfect!

Phone Call

"you know, my shrink knew this nurse who worked at Lankenau and was there the night that Jerry Penacoli came in and said it was absolutely true."

I just spoke with a federal marshall.

He was looking for a patient that I don't have.

Someone that I don't have sent a letter to a federal judge.

It had teeth in it.

Were they trying to get him his quarters?

At first I thought you were being metaphorical. But then I realized no, you probably meant literal teeth.

That's gotta be breaking some post office laws, right? Medical specimen transport or something?

Better get the gumshoes on it. Get it? Gum? Teeth? Yeah, I got nuttin'.

That is too funny. If you were closer and it weren't illegal, I bet we could compare notes and find that a few of the folks I encounter you've dealt with extensively!

You don't even have to lick stamps anymore, let alone bite them.

perhaps the judge is a fairy?

That explains why they wanted to bring him quarters.

oh, I was thinking quarters as in digs. duh.

And bloody gauze, actually.

maybe they want to bite the judge in the ass one tooth at a time.... :rolleyes:

Did he promise to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

FTW!

There is this doctor who has been with us for about a year. He's young. He's a resident. He's hungry. And so he moonlights.

Like many psychiatric residents, he's foreign.

Pakistani Muslim.

He apologized during Ramadan for being irritable because he had not yet broken his fast, so I know he's observant. We also have a Pakistani Muslim apostate.

But anyway.

Pakistani Muslim doc was engaging in some conversation with the ambulance and crisis staff. He was asking the ambulance guys whether they were married, one of the fellows said no, and asked if the doc knew any rich doctors.

Later, the doctor and I were talking, and he said, "So, this Ambulanceboi, he is not married?"

"No," I said carefully, "but I think he is in a long term relationship."

He asked a few other questions that I deftly avoided answering.

Why was I so circumspect?

Because Ambulanceboi is as gay as a three-dollar bill, and I didn't think I should be the one to out him to the Muslim.

"There are no gay Muslims,"

I think that's the company line...

nut: This phone isn't working!! I need to call 911 to have the police come and rescue me! I am being held prisoner!!

wolf (to ASL interpreter team): Is it inappropriate to remind her that she is deaf, the phone works just fine, and the police will not come and rescue her?

hahaha. Who needs sitcoms?

right, wolf has the proverbial cool job. like the go kart track only more intensified. we get what i like to call 85's there all the time. aka...slow people. but the shit wolf puts up with? lmao....honey you got my vote in any category!

nut: For my wellness recovery action plan, I need to have my medications, my therapy, and a cigarette.

wolf: The doctor has put your medication orders in the computer, you'll see your therapist tomorrow, and you are here because you set yourself on fire. You can't smoke.

Tell Doc to add a diuretic to the medication orders so if the patient sets [him]self on fire again he can put [him]self out.

wolf, was going to start this in it's own thread but thought perhaps it should go here because the "patient" was right up your alley back in december. the end result is not good.

a friend and ex-coworker at the tracks' life long friend killed himself a few days ago. in fact said coworker was up at work with dr. froth and i when he got the phone call that they'd found him. only then we didn't know how he killed himself. i knew the guy as well. ok, met him a few times but that still counts. seemed like a decent person. so ex-coworker was talking about how "john doe", i will call him, tried to commit suicide just before xmas by hanging himself. he was committed to do this mind you. his brother just happened to show up and save him. dude was hanging and purple. he'd taken pills and was almost to the afterlife. well, they committed him to the psychiatric ward and a few weeks later let him out. i guess he told them what they wanted to hear and did the things they wanted him to do (wolf can you help me understand this?) and his depression continued. so the other day john's family is calling ex-coworker telling him they cannot find him. he'd left his house, lights on, tv on, keys home, phone left behind too. tonight while closing up the track dr. froth told me what happened. dude jumped in front of a train of all things in the woodlands which is a suburb in north houston. i feel horrible for the family of john and ex-coworker. hell they'd been friends for 30 years. some of you may remember my rant about 6 years ago when a great friend and pilot committed suicide. i know what ex-coworker is going through. he's pretty stout and can handle this. (it's really deeper than what i'm letting onto here from a separate incident that happened back in december don't know much about it except someone else had said "see ya" as well) i've been very depressed before, like last november for example but i could never do that. step in front of a train? wow. i dunno. that's pretty heavy. like i said he was an acquaintance so it doesn't hit me as hard as a good friend would. just makes me say "damn".

as an afterthought on my previous post i'm wondering wolf....how can you tell or can you tell the difference from someone who is calling out for help and someone who is serious? when my great friend mike committed suicide i had no idea he was serious. hm. got caught up in rereading that thread. anyway....thoughts wolf?

Sorry not to have responded to this sooner ... often people with real suicidal intent don't "look" suicidal. They are calm, they are even sometimes happy. They have what they see as the solution to all of their problems. I have worked with a lot of genuinely suicidal people and a bunch more who know that they have to say the right things to get hospitalized, including the crack-a-cidal, the heroin-a-cidal, the jail-a-cidal, and the homless-sidal. We usually don't hear from the ones who complete suicide.

Best Dispatch Call EVER.
 

Okay, maybe not "ever," but at least tonight.

I was in the back room (ambulance hangout) using the nuke-o-matic and heard a call being dispatched on the scanner.

DISPATCHER: See the woman, 123 Juniper, report of demons in the basement.

COP: repeat. (this is cop for WTF did you just say? You can't have actually said "demons in the basement.")

DISPATCHER: See the woman, 123 Juniper, report of demons in the basement.

COP: Demons?

DISPATCHER: Yes, demons. She is afraid of the demons in the basement and will meet you on her front porch.

COP: I'll take my garlic and silver bullets.

Now, of course, garlic and silver bullets won't do much for demons, but at least he's trying. Could be he picked the right tool for the job, woman might not have demons in the basement.

(and yes, I already thought of that. My money is on bats in the belfry)

Cop needs to stop right now and call in Harry Dresden. :D

Just on the off chance that I might someday have demons in my basement,what would you recommend?

Exorcism, but don't let just anybody do it. You don't just evict the demon ... you have to entice a good/balanced spirit into taking up residence.

I've done a couple of these.

That cop just needs some salt and that will take care of most of it. That is why I have salt in my car at all times.(I'm not even kidding about the last part)

Can you provide a recipe?

This from the person who has to decide if other people are nutso. Hmmmm.

I think Wolf should have been sent out to Demon-Woman's house.
If Demon-Woman is crazy, Wolf can admit her.
If there are demons in the basement, Wolf can exorcise them.
If there is something other than Demons in the basement, Wolf could shoot them.
Unless it is bugs.

Apart from the bugs, this is the complete set of end-of-the-world skillz.

no problem. i did see your post the other night but was too tired to answer and thank you. i guess i was looking for a specific reason to mike committing suicide. the mind is a world of intrigue and webs of things. am i making sense? anyway, thanks for your input. much appreciated!

oh and love the dispatch!

I have bats in my belfrey.

wolf needs to write a book, for sure.

Are you sure they're bats?

Attachment 31510

That does go along with the whole monkey motif.

I'll have wolf check once I've committed to being committed.

I am multi-talented.

Just draw a line with the salt

I think it has to be a circle of salt.

Circle for rituals, line (on the doorsills and windowsills) to keep the demons from walking into your house.

Hell, just fire up some good ole Vodoo......

That you do so well !

You remind me of a man.

What man?

Shaman

The man with the power.

Tasering is entertaining at the best of times, but way better when you know the people it's happening to ...

fuck that! i'd rather have my medical revoked by the FAA!

sounds like you're in luck, plt. :(

Just When You Thought there Weren't Going to be Any More of These ...
 

An ER physician friend recently told me about a woman who attempted commit suicide by toilet.

And I thought I'd heard EVERYTHING. Nothing surprises me. But this did.

See, she took this bedsheet, tied it around her neck, and .... no, please don't try to anticipate. You'll never get it.

She put the loose end of the sheet in the bowl and started flushing.

And kept flushing.

And the sheet around her neck got tighter, and tighter.

Until she lost consciousness.

Would have succeeded, had she not been found.
.

And here I thought only hookers were endangered by their johns! :smack:

Never underestimate the power (and ingenuity!) of crazy.

Good working title for wolf's book!

So... A few of the pool members came home today to find a neighbor in their street had cut down all of their backyard trees. I called crazy from the get-go, when I heard the first story, the victim was all no way, no-one is that crazy... and then three more victims turned up, including one who caught him in the act and told him to stop and he verbally abused her in from of her 4yo kid, saying he was improving the neighborhood and she was a*#&$$%whatever. it wasn't her yard he was cuttin down -it was her next-door neighbor's and she just asked him to wait until they were back in town to confirm it was ok..... and then he started yelling at her that he was dying of cancer and so she should efing well appreciate what he was doing and that all the other neighbors did.

Police reports were filed....

vigilante arborist

The name of the town is now just Ann.