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Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post. Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written. |
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If he'd apologized and clarified when I interpreted it that way, I would know what he was actually trying to say, and I would have taken his word for it that I had misinterpreted. However, he has not, and it really doesn't matter how many third parties re-interpret it differently if he himself does not deny the interpretation I objected to. |
Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.
BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions. |
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I don't think "everyone" has a problem with me, Aliantha. I think it's a few people who are choosing to take sides with the established member and dogpile the newbie. Many have done so in an incredibly offensive, insulting manner... and you're suggesting that the problem lies with me? Because I wanted to vent about a housemate not respecting my boundaries and workspace? For this, I've been accused of being a control freak, having a personality disorder, being crazy, being antisocial, and best of all, for holding the line on my personal boundaries and refusing to be bullied into thinking there's something wrong with me for having them, I've been told I deserve to be physically assaulted. All by a few charming individuals. Not by "everyone else". I haven't been dogpiled like this, let alone over something so innocuous, on any other forum I've been on, including but not limited to pricipiadiscordia.com where they're famous for dogpiling everyone. |
Another thought; the majority of people who responded did so with sympathy or humor, totally "getting" that I was just venting about something I feel frustrated by. The few people who responded by telling me that I'm wrong to feel the way I do were, in doing so, showing no respect for me or my boundaries, revealing that THEY have trouble respecting other people's boundaries... which I find interesting. It makes me wonder if my post pushed some of their buttons and made them feel subconsciously defensive about their tendency to disrespect other people's boundaries, which is why they had to go on to defend my housemate (ie. themselves) by telling me I'm wrong/neurotic to want a reasonable lack of interruption in my workspace during working hours.
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wow, that's SO deep!
i was just trying to egg you on so you'd flip out some more. I like that. |
Well again, just to clarify, I don't think UT was telling you you should change. I believe he was suggesting it might be easier if you did.
If you just wanted people to respond with jokes, maybe you should have included more smilies for context. If you didn't want advice, regardless if it was well intentioned or not, you could have just ignored those that tried to help in their own way. Again, I don't see where UT was offensive, and I'd challenge anyone else to find it. And before you accuse me of dogpiling. That's not my scene. I'm making an individual observation. |
Tiki...you were offensive with your second response to UT. You told him to fuck off and I think most people here thought that it was uncalled for. You did the same thing to Dana. These are two people who who are highly respected on this forum, so of course people responded on their behalf. You seem to think you are being dogpiled on when in fact your are the one who started the shit.
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I get it Tiki. I don't share your sensitivity to yammering, but I *completely* understand the desire to vent my frustrations to someone who (I imagine) is listening. I understand the release brought by articulating my negative feelings; until I can express them, I can't process them, shed myself of the burden they represent.
*Sometimes*, sometimes, the right person to tell them to is the source of my frustration. Sometimes. But when telling them wouldn't be true and helpful and kind, I refrain. I can hear now the parsings of what is true and helpful and kind--not the point here. Still, I have to get it out of my system. That I get. The responses here ranged from sincere attempts at helpful advice to deliberate provocation, though no where did I see you ask for advice and I am sure you weren't trolling for a fight. Clearly you handled yourself just fine without my help. I don't have any advice. I don't want to stir the shit. I only wanted to say, as far as I can tell, you're doing fine, especially if this kind of expression has the *net* result of reducing your aggravations. If not, remember there's always the Ignore button. Whoops, that was perilously close to advice. Well, it works on my posts too. I hope you feel better. |
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I used to work with a notorious talker, in an office with about 60 other people. Everyone agreed there was no worse fate than being trapped alone in a room with this woman, and she knew it. She literally could not stop herself, every thought in her head needed to be shared, and would also remind her of the next thing she needed to tell you.... until you were literally in your car rolling up the window and inching away from her as she continued to blab away. Seriously.
My son is a talker. Most of the time it's fine - but sometimes *I* need (or just want) to use my brain and have it all to myself, so I tell him "I need a minute please". If he remembers what pokemon or football player he was telling about later, fine, if not it teaches him that not every thought needs to be shared. I don't answer my cell phone every time it rings either. Sometimes I'm not available. |
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Yah I bitch about my roomy too. People love that. :( lol!!
But I also don't tell them to Fuck Off when they listen, and advise. I praise anyone that actually even reads my bitching, and moaning. Did you know Tiki, that listening to your bullshit complaint is just as much a pain in the ass, as your roommate chatting in the morning? You should thank people for listening to this shit. People humoured you by listening to your complaint, and then tried to help. Freak. I like you Tiki...... Don't be a dumbass. |
and remember to...........
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I would like to add, miscommunication, or NOT communicating, causes more problems with people than probably anything else. So, communicate! It might make your life a whole lot easier.
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COMMUNICATE WITH *THESE*
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Mom!!! LJ's playing with them AGAIN!!!
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Frankly, I think this has more to do with it than anything else, as I've seen other "highly respected members" tell people to fuck off without anyone raising an eyebrow, let alone suggesting they have a mental illness or should be "slapped". |
Tiki...
...fuck off! :p |
Dana you Fuck Off. :p
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if I am not told to fuck off at least ONCE a day...I get all anxious.
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Actually, I think we should all fuck right off and leave Tiki to it. :)
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Thanks, BigV. :) |
fuck off, jim
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Oh and Jim and Brianna can Fuck right off. Pikers.
;) |
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Those are personal insults about who I am as a person... whereas "fuck off" is a harsh way of saying "go away and leave me alone". It's not a personal insult or a judgement about who he is as a person. Yet, the personal insults are fine, and I'm getting raked over the coals for "fuck off". It's a funny dynamic. |
Personally I hope UT doesn't fuck off. I'd have nowhere to post anymore if he did.
eta: The rest of you can just go ahead though...:D |
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The rest of it I can live with because it doesn't directly impact my livelihood and productivity, and I know it's temporary. Eventually she'll move out. I have been gently reminding her that I need to work uninterrupted in the mornings. She's gradually doing better about not pestering me when I'm in my office. I just wanted to vent, which I've since learned not to do here. :lol: |
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ahhhhh. Now i can go and take a nice, hot shower! thanks, potato head! |
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That's an odd condition. |
Nope, wrong again, but nice try. :)
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You can all tell me to fuck off and I still won't. I don't give a shit who likes me or hates me here. S'bound to happen. (IRL I desperately need to be liked. Ironically everybody smells this desperation and it makes me unlikeable.)
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Why did you invite this person to move in with you in the first place? It seems to me that you should have checked her out thoroughly before you invited her to stay with you. So now you have to live with her. Sorry 'bout that.
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:D |
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OK. Here's the Off y'all keep talking about. But how are ya gonna fuck it?
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People are criticising Tiki for her responses to people's advice, and that's one thing; but suggesting that having invited her friend to live there she loses the right to have a bloody good moan to her mates when said friend is pissing off is just unfair. |
It seems to me that Tiki should take this up with her housemate, along with complaining to the Cellar at large.
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I think they should tax this thread!
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Yeah. But, from her posts it sounds like she has taken it up with her. Some people really can't help but talk. Even when asked. Her friend sounds like she does it without even being aware. Thats difficult. After a talk about it she may well be trying not to do it. But as soon as she relaxes and starts just being herself itll start up again. Difficult to keep raising it eithout sounding like you're getting at her. or just creating an unpleasant atrmosphere or making her feel unwelcome. None of which Tiki wants.
This has been blown out of all proportion because of the tone of the conversation which followed her original post. The thread title should give a clue that this was a conscious vent about something that was bugging her. It was a tongue in cheek title. I daresay had the conversation followed a different path; one which didn;t leave tiki feeling the need to defend her irritation, then it would have been long since dropped, the vent having served its purpose. |
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Here ya go
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oh i agree. just pointing out that there was nothing over the top or inappropriate about her original complaint.
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And also:
Capnhowdy you can fuck off too. You fucking bastard. Kiss my ass and don't post here ever again. You shithead sumbitch. So there. Umm... how refreshing. |
I wonder if this thread would have progressed in the same way had it been posted in "Nothingland"? Or if the OP had been appended to a thread like "What's scorching your groove today?" rather that having a thread of it's own? These factors can also affect responses, in my opinion. Maybe if the issue hadn't seemed so urgent because it was given a thread of it's own in the main forum, maybe people would have been less inclined to advise and more inclined to sympathise?
If one apology is owed, then I doubt it's alone, but Tiki doesn't strike me as an apologizer and I doubt UT needs one. |
If I am to blame, it is due to my low EQ, and I'm sorry about that.
For the record, I don't think anybody is actually superior to anyone else. Most of us seem to be pretty fucked up. I know for certain that I am. |
No, it's my fault. As a frequenter of Nothingland, I should have reported the initial post of this thread as errant as soon as I saw it in Home Base. That would have changed the tone of the discussion (correctly pointed out by monster). UT ... sorry to disappointment you man ... I fucked up. I apologize to the community.
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Its Bush's fault! He should apologize.
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You should all apologize while you're fucking right off!
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I apologise that I can't apologize.
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