When you said you didn't want a typical 'relationship' I thought you were talking in general terms, not just with this guy.

I read all this as:

On a scale of 1 to 10, he's "into you" like a 6. He accepts this relationship because it fulfills his needs, but wants to be unencumbered in case an 8 or 9 comes along. You're into him like a 7. He tweaks a few of the things you need and if he was into you like an 8, this would be an Official long term relationship with the kisses and the sex and the phone calls to say why you were late, and the Rules.

The Rules seem like restrictions for people who are a 6 or 7 into each other; for people who are a 9 into each other, they are signs of commitment and caring. For a guy who's a 6 into someone, he doesn't want ANY of those Rules; they're a horror.

That'd be it then. I don't know, it doesn't seem to matter. His or my reasons for being there are somewhat irrelevant - we are both there, for now. If genuine feelings are there they'll come through in the end.

I agree with you, btw, if you're 100% into someone, you embrace the 'rules' - in fact they wouldn't be rules at all, more an unspoken coalescence... or knowledge... oh I don't know the word, but I agree with you anyway. But these can only come naturally, they can't be enforced by imposing a relationship where there isn't one. It will come of it's own accord, or it won't. Simple really.

I was totally with you, up until the last two sentences. It will come of its own accord with someone down the line, not with this guy. Deep, emotional love doesn't usually develop after two years of 6-ness. You're both waiting for someone better to come along. Which is fine--enjoying each other's company in the meantime can be reasonably rewarding--as long as you're actually keeping your eyes open for that someone better, and not looking only at this guy to see if the feelings do ever develop.

Yes, good point, I shall take care to be open to everything/body - something I need to work on anyway. I'm happy for now, anyway.

I think that you are too in love with current man to be looking elsewhere, because you will be comparing your current relationship, such that it is, with the unknown future relationship and weighing it in.

You'll take the known, comfortable road, instead of taking a risk, ie chucking it in with current guy and going balls out for new guy.

You're dooming yourself to this relationship limbo.

I think somewhere deep down I'm aware of this, but am happy with the relationship as a safety net. He's a good friend who helps me in a lot of ways. This is obviously enough for me or I wouldn't still be sticking around.

Guys want sex. Most of the time. Why would he not want frequent accessible sex from me? We're attracted to each other. He's holding off because he thinks I'll get too involved. He doesn't want to get involved. It would get a bit too stuffy I suppose, and lose it's appeal after a while, become routine. Then one or both of us would get bored and leave. End of story. Hmm I see what he's getting at. But surely if true feelings are there we wouldn't get bored? Why does he feel the need to 'keep me (and possibly himself) keen'? Isn't that manipulating it a bit?

I don't really understand it, but it is the way it is, and if I really didn't like it, I'd leave. Maybe I will. :juggle:

I'd say they are willingly chosen when involved with "the one". Again my :2cents: