Tonight I had to argue with her about going tomorrow. I told her that she had to. I hope that she listens to me.

She does not like riding in the back of an ambulance, she also becomes (what I think is) overly embarrassed about ... umm ... incontinence. It has been explained to her numerous times that all the folks involved are medical professionals, and while it is not the most pleasant job in the world, cleaning her up is part of what they do. This is, of course, a stupid reason to decline a necessary medical procedure. I understand that she is scared. But at this point, she should just say so. If I am awake early enough I may call her doctor to see if it would be safe to sedate her for the ride. Not totally out, just enough so she doesn't care.

She's getting morphine every three hours already, so this probably isn't an option.

I hope she does decide to go and that all goes well.

My thoughts are with you

She fought with the staff this morning. She called me right before they were about to take her. She said to me, "you know, they won't do anything if you don't sign, I have them over a barrel."

"No you don't, Mom. You need to go. Sign or I'll come down there and cry until you do."

"They gave me extra morphine. I signed. I'm going."

"That's good."

The transport ambulance crew arrived while I was on the phone saying a last few encouraging things.

I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she did not hold onto the bedrails and shriek.

Well, I guess we know where you got your independance from ;)

And also my avoidance of medical facilities and procedures.

I'm sorry she is having such a hard time with this.
Though, at the same time I understand. Until I got my spinal stimulator implant I had some of the same problems. Incontinence is monumentally humiliating.
The embarrassment is indescribable, especially for someone my age, but it is for anyone. What is worse is how you are dependent on others for everything. It is very hard.

sending some virtual morphine your way, wolf!

Dear wolf,

I have had the same experiences with some of the episodes you describe: incontinence (embarassing but hardly fatal), uncooperativeness with doctors, attempts to retain/assert personal sovereignity by defying doctors, not signing papers, not taking meds, etc. It has been wearying at times, to say the least. I reckon it's fear talking, or ignorance, or passing (perhaps slowly) crankiness.

In our more reasonable interactions, it's clear that I'm working in her best interest. It's clear that she trusts me. It's clear that she's grateful. She knows it and I know it. I hold onto those moments when faced with the shrieking and the flinging of poo. I hope you and she can hold onto your shared moments too, like a beacon of hope and security on the edge of this sea of fear and uncertainty. Courage to both of you.

Luckily my mom is not yet a poo flinger. However, I have plenty of experience with that from work.

I know that, wolf, and I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I was speaking metaphorically. "When the craziness happens..." ok, another wrong/weak/poorly chosen phrase. I was just stuck working "bedrails crushed by fear powered grip" into something euphonic. My bad. I intended no disrespect whatsoever to you or your mother. Please accept my apologies.

Your love and concern for your mother is proof of your considerable quality as a person, Wolf. Geriatric relatives require a mustering of resolve and patience that few of us can call up without some serious consideration and force of will.

I hope my own children will attend to my best interests as well and faithfully as you are doing for you mother's benefit now.

The truth is that I keep her in line by reminding her that I know the name and address of every single hell-hole nursing home in the county, and that if she starts giving me too much crap, BAM, she's ringing the call bell for Nurse Ratched before she knows what hit her.

UPDATE: Mom is now at Presby, described as "stable," and raising hell with all the CCU nurses. They have confirmed by labs and EKG that she hasn't had a heart attack. She has not yet had her catheterization, but they are expecting to do it this afternoon.

OT (off topic, not Old Testament, but the connection's there...)
 

Did you know that presby- means "old age"?

I did not know that.

Presby-terians == elders
presby-opia == old sight

Two I am familiar with, the others I'd have to look up.