Ever have one of those days? Okay, I'll admit that my one of those days tend to be a little more over the top ...
My day started with finding out that I had no water. None, nary a drop, coming out of the faucets anyway. I have plenty of bottled water, and made a supplementary trip to the supermarket just in case. This, however, meant no coffee at Chez Wolf this morning. It also meant no shower. Apparently the hot water heater in my building went kaflooey, and there's no estimate as far as when it will be fixed.
Okay, I can deal. I have enough waterless handwash and wetnaps to clean an army, or at least a kindergarten field trip.
So, off to work I go, foolishly choosing not to buy coffee on the way in to work, since I'm running a wee bit late. I figured I'd brew up once I got into the office and got shift report.
Yeah right. It's a madhouse. Struggle through shift report by drinking leftover dayshift coffee. As near as I can figure, it was made at about 1300, so it's past the margin of drinkability. Add honey, I can use the sugar. It's visiting night and it's my turn to be at the window. First two visitors get turned away because they don't meet criteria for visitation. They took it surprisingly well. Okay, so far, so ... oh, no it's not. Police arrive with crazy guy who refuses to talk to crisis worker and doctor. That actually makes things easier because he's totally nuts, and we know him pretty well. Internet goes down. Annoying, but not a big deal but ... crap ... whole network is now down, can't print, can't get to medical records system, or to the prescribing software, computer guy trying to figure out what happened ... whoops, swapped out some cables and forgot to plug the critical one back in? great ... no, still doesn't solve the problem. System eventually begins working, I suspect he turned off the switch that's labelled "Do not turn off this switch." Phone rings ... another police department on the way in with some dumbass who failed in his attempt to shoplift at the mall, he tried ramming his head into the cell toilet at the station. Okay, pretty run of the mill ... they show up, doctor sees him, decides to keep him in the hospital, is back in the office doing the paperwork ... I'm coming into the office from the front porch and I hear a ruckus in the lobby, another patient (the dude with one leg who smuggles drugs and matches in his prosthesis) is yelling, "Hey, we need some help out here!!" Not good. Dash through office screaming, "there's something going on in the lobby," followed (luckily) by hefty male crisis worker, to find toilet boy hanging by his bright green shoelaces from the handle of the interview room door. Big guy grips him up both to take the pressure off his neck and to keep him from trying to grab my knife as I cut him down off the door handle. Good save, offered thanks several times to the one-legged drug smuggler.
Have to offer supportive counselling to the other patients waiting in the lobby to see the doctor.
Fill out extra paperwork related to incident and staple bag containing bright green shoelaces to the report. Worry about whether bright green shoelace incident will have negative impact on boss' promise that we would receive congratulatory pizza for 100% compliance on maintaining one-on-one supervision for all patients placed in seclusion and/or restraints for the last seven months. We are very concerned about the free pizza. We do not get much in the way of bonuses.
Banter with client who has been waiting 5 hours to see the doctor so that she doesn't get any ideas similar to that of bright green shoelace dude.
Get home to find out that I have water, but only of the cold variety. Fill coffee maker reservoir to avoid any possible caffeine emergency in the AM. Consider options ... need to shower outweighs possible discomfort, given that plumbers are supposed to be back tomorrow, uncertain if there will be even cold water. Take extraordinarily quick shower while chanting "Think Warm Thoughts," which doesn't really work. Nipples hard enough to cut diamonds (yeah, TMI, but Elspode needs a little thrill every now and again).
Why would anybody choose bright green shoelaces?
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