fixed it for them:
 

I have a new app for my phone.

It's called Gaines. It's synced with the Android operating system. Here's how it works:

Forget to set your alarm? No problem. Accidentally turned the alarm off rather than hit "snooze?" No problem. Gaines will wake you up. Through a series of ever-increasing decibels of "MEOW" Gaines will override your alarm on your phone, and make sure you don't miss that important appointment, don't forget to send the kids to school, or aren't late for work.

It has some drawbacks, though. Gaines 2.0 is in development. Projected improvements include an additional app, Fancy Feast, (or Fancy Feast LITE, for the overweight app) which can be set to auto-feed Gaines 2.0 after 20 minutes. Gaines 2.0 can be set to ignore weekends or holidays. Gaines 2.0 no longer needs the companion app Litter Scoop as Gaines 2.0 has a state of the art nasal identification system, which will automatically detect and eliminate waste.

"for the overweight app"
 

HA!

There's an app for that!

That was funny. I actually thought to myself "Hmm...how coincidental that this really convenient app has the same name as shawnee's cat!"

I need a picture of a cat and a recording of annoying cat sounds...

When the holier-than-thou douchebag tells you to "go fuck yourself," you know you're winning.

I can only guess that in 19 minutes this computer will either self-destruct or there is some kind of ejection system that will sending me flying into the dome of the library if I don't vacate the carrell.

Public libraries crack me up. I WILL fix my computer this weekend. Or not. :blush:

Oh, I did NOT.

Today: I got an email from last night from my best buddy's sister who works at the college where my best buddy and I both used to work.

She asked me if I knew "Joe Schmoe" and Joe asked if I were single. It has to be the Joe Schmoe I went to HS with. Too funny. He was really funny, I remember that.

Tell him I'm a lesbian on my way to Yemen for an indeterminate amount of time...all top secret stuff. ;)

our inventory manager scratching his head:

In doing a trade with another dealer, you fax the invoices of the cars you're trading to one another. Today, he had a trade fall through.

The other dealer wanted him to fax their invoice back to them.... 'OK, but may I ask why?'

the response?

'Well, we don't want copies of our invoices floating around out there"

A pair of knickers managed to get caught round the agitator in the washing machine and proceeded to strangle not one, or two, or even three, but ALL FOUR bath towels that were in there. I have no idea how it could have come about -even if I managed to dump the knickers over the agitator when I put the load in (I doubt it). It took me a good 5 minutes to untangle.

Now one leg hole and the waist band are stretched so wide my entire family could wear them at the same time :lol: I wonder if the tumble drier will restore the elasticity?

:lol:

I'm just envisioning this. Funny.

Dumber than a box of rocks.

Make sure they fax it on blue paper so you can tell it is a return.

Today's mild amusement is brought to you by Wacky Students Inc.

A reasonably intelligent young lass attended one of my seminars, and hung around afterwards to ask a couple of sensible questions. She was sensibly dressed and wearing glasses. Glasses with chunky white plastic frames. And no lenses whatsoever. Nothing. Her eyesight is fine, she told me.

Whatever. Twit.