The Cellar - Humor...I Need Humor...

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This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in..." she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like "OK!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!! So the guy puts both of his hands in!
"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't" says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"

So, a mushroom walks into a bar, everyone goes quiet and the bartender stops wiping the glass he had in hand.

There's an uncomfortable pause and then the bartender speaks up, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here".

The mushroom just shrugs and says, "But, I'm a fun guy."

--works better with oral recitation.

That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here."

I'd only heard that as "Why did the mushroom have so many dates?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr (Post 979068)

Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.

One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder.

With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.

Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way.

Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!"

Umm, I don't get it. Being raped is worse than thunder and lightning?

Humor is difficult for you, isn't it?

We all have our cross to bear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 979129)

Fortunately, 40 years ago we weren't burdened with second guessing our every utterance beyond intent.

45 years ago I have two mechanics working for me. The black mechanic stuck with me all the time, a good worker, and told me stories about being in the military and in Oregon he could buy a pair of shoes but couldn't try them on in the store. The white mechanic would sneak off at the slightest pretense to indulge his wood carving hobby.

One day The black mechanic and I were discussing the white mechanic, and I said he's a real nigger. The guys head spun around about three times then stopped and looked at me. Finally he said, well at least you know what it is. We were fast friends after that. ;)

Black or whit, men will always be trying to figure out women. :lol2:

I have seen that situation exact.

With murdersickles, and car/truck/tractor/lawn mower engines...

This could be wishful thinking...

Oh yeah, ♪ If I could, I surely would ♫

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce (Post 981656)

Oh yeah, ♪ If I could, I surely would ♫

Without humor, it is impossible to live!)) Very bad when a person has no sense of humor))