You wouldn't understand because you're the right woman . :p:

I shudder at the though...

A businessman in the first class cabin decided to talk to the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What’s your name?”

Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”

Businessman: “Lovely name … any relation to the Mercedes Benz folks?”

Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”

Businessman: “How close?”

Flight Attendant: “Same price”

Star Wars

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat a lot of rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."


So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.



He said,"Do you have any rye bread?"


She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

The sales lady said, "My goodness... five loaves? By the time you get to the third loaf, it'll be hard."

The 80-year old man replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about thi=$$@#$ but me."

Humanities Final Exam...

Excellent.

Oldie with updates...

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Chris t as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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Attachment 55126

WTF, is that a ferret?

It ought to be an otter.

A Little Help?
 

I don't get it...

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