There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?

A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Didja hear about the Ethiopian that fell in the alligator pit?

He ate three of 'em before they got him out.

Three fags are sitting in a hot tub just relaxing when a huge glob of semen floats to the surface,

One of the fags looks up and says "Hey! Who farted?"

-----------

Have you ever heard the motto of the Greek army?
Never leave your buddy's behind.

-----------

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”

-----------

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?

The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
.... It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

------------

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

-------------

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?

------------

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?”
.... Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly” wasn’t the right answer.

Those two are winners.:lol2:

A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof!

lol groan

Not tasteless enough for you, V?

pretty tasteless, pretty funny.

like a good dead baby joke.

mission accomplished

Whacko extremist.


ETA: sorry, Pavlovian reflex. Move along.

tommy

Prophets...roof...:lol2:

Did you hear about the football coach that got married?




He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver!

What does Michael Jackson and Burger King had in common?




They both sticked meat into 6 year old buns!