And then the vampire fainted.

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

After all these years of trying I've finally found my wife's G spot.



Would you believe her sister had it all this time!!

Hah!

oops, wrong wife!

Corsican Sisters?

AWESOME!

I'm telling if you want hummor you must drink the bullet proff juice...

I swear to God we're gonna see JB in the news one of these days.

They'll interview his neighbors...and they'll say "He was a quiet man, kept to himself..."

Please pass the viagravation!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/1...p_ref=religion

Meanwhile, at the bar…
Singing frogA mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”



The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune. And the hamster is really good.



The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.” The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. “Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.



The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.



The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.” “Not so”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

Not sure how to link or post this nicely. Here goes. It's a link to Amazon.co.uk. Read the reviews for Veet for Men -- Hair Removal. Tears will stream down your face, guaranteed.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B...ag=ukgtedge-21

Holy fuckballs. Can't breathe. Lola, you murderer.

Ditto. Great, wrenching howls of tear-stained laughter.

Lola, I've had a particularly bad week, and that just made my day.

Thank you.

Especially make sure to read A.Chappelle's, and Tagnutt Mandeville's reviews.

:lol2: