here he is.....

http://www.lyonpuppets.com/noodle2


here's his late brother, mr noodle

http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/43/55/12m.jpg

OMG!!!! STAN???? You bastard, I want my fuggin shirt back! Mom always liked you better, you arrogant git. The shirt! off! now!


(the sound of a thread dying)

Before it dies, I want to say that Stace IS addressing the problem directly, and you all are being a little unfair about it at this point. A lot of people wouldn't be where she is at this point because they would have stuffed it all under the couch and forgotten about it, because it was convenient.

We can give advice and thoughts but let's not be hasty to judge the contract and such. That's the therapist's job but Stace is doing the right thing by taking it to the therapist and considering it and thinking about it and NOT stuffing it under the couch.

It's hard to be in the situation. And nobody, and no situation, and no relationship, is going to be 100% perfect. We are human, and we are MESSY AND COMPLICATED. We all have to do whatever it is we do to get along in life. We all make mistakes too, and we all hurt our S.O.s unintentionally and once in a while intentionally just trying to get through life.

onyx, you make it seem so black and white. this morning i am having doubts. it didn't look like he was ever really emotional about the whole thing. i don't trust him. leaving will be hard if i go, very very hard. i would have to go live with my mother, no health insurance, $8,000.00 in credit card debt, plus raised car insurance from when he hit someone's car. the embarassment of everyone finding out that i am a complete fool and was taken for a ride, the fact that i don't know if i'd ever be able to trust someone else again or have a normal relationship, the fact that i would miss him and think "what if he was sincere.." after he's gone, and the fact that i have no social life or friends to surround myself with to help me get over him. maybe i'm trying to delude myself into staying so my life will be easier. if i was in his shoes, (well, first of all, i wouldn't have written those letters!) but if i screwed up and i really cared, i would feel bad. i would probably cry and plead for forgiveness. but then i think "well, everyone has a different way of dealing with things"...still, he seems to not display too much emotion. this all seems like an inconvenience to him. like "fine, okay. you wanna ask me questions, go for it...we're just going in circles here, i'm so tired" or he's acting like nothing happened, acting exactly the same as he did before all of this."hi honey..here's your coffee, come here, give me a kiss, look at me- my dick is hard" or he's being impatient: he tried to kiss me before he got out of the car when i took him to work. i said "could you try that some other time?" because i am just not ready to be affectionate with him. he was like "fine!" and just got out of the car and walked away. i know he's happy with his life with me, but is it just because it's convenient? i mean, a nice apartment, home-cooked meals, live-in sex, greencard, someone to organize the household budget and style his hair...who wouldn't try to hold on to this set up? maybe it is even convenient for him until death do us part? i don't know...he could be thinking that he'll be a total citizen by age 28....that it's worth it to keep me happy. maybe he'd never leave because it's a good set-up. but if it's not based on love or good intentions, i don't want it! you know what kils me? everybody loves him. people that i trust as good judgers or character just love him. my 45 yr old female boss who seems to see through everyone loves him. my family, everyone. then again, i always told him he would be a good salesperson. uhh! i'm going in circles.

Thank you.

i guess there's only one way for me to ever find out the truth, and that is to wait until he gets his greencard. and in the process, i need to better myself and make a life for myself, so that i could be secure with or without him.

She didn't get it when I told her the same thing, LJ. Don't hold out much hope for a revelation here.

Shit, she fell for your PT Barnum.

to everyone who gave me advice and heard me out, i want to sincerely thank you for your time, ideas, advice...i listen to you all and there are so many conflicting opinions and i see a little truth in all of them, and it's making my head spin. a lot of what undertoad said made sense to me.

there are just too many ways to look at it, and i'm driving myself crazy with this. i know that i can't let anyone else make these decisions for me and that noone has the right 100% guaranteed answer, so i need to stop this.

i'm not going to post anymore about this. i know there wil be a few "thank you"s after this post... anyway, i can't keep torturing myself and going over it over and over again, and thinking "maybe he's right, i have nothing to worry about, he wants me..." "maybe she's right, he's taking me for a ride"...i can't do it. i'm going to come to terms with it on my own and i'll update you guys someday, i guess.

my husband says he is coming on to defend himself tonight. have fun with him, guys. thanks again for everything.

see you in a different thread :)

Well, good luck again. At least you're being honest with yourself about how you feel (maybe you always were, it's hard to tell from an online forum).

:yum:

Good luck Stacey, like Toad said you are addressing it. Its hard as anything cuz marriage is built on trust and if you can't reclaim that you won't be happy...

You can't say that with certainty, Toad. As this thread continued last night, I got the sense that we were being fucked with. Not to mention, there is another side to this story that we haven't heard yet.

Sorry, I've run out of compassion.
 

Staceyv, your husband is going to come on here to defend himself?

After re-reading this entire thread, I can absolutely declare that you are being a complete FOOL. Even half of the information you've given us about your opportunist, wimpy, cloying husband is reason enough to kick his ass. I can't imagine you allowing him to take up space in your life as you thumb your nose at good sense.

The solution to your problem does not require time or therapy. It requires you to answer a simple YES/NO question. Make a freaking decision--you seem unwilling to do that. Grow up.

I apologized in advance that my compassion is wearing thin:

GROW THE HELL UP, Stacey.

You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.
You are a fool.

:rolleyes:

On the up side, look at all the C&W/Blues songs she's gathering. Damn, there's 3 albums in this thread....Uh...make that CDs.:blush:

naw, albums is better. "CDs" lacks personality. I think "vinyl" is pretty much kaput, though.

**sigh** Stacey, no one ever said it was going to be easy. It's never easy to realize your dreams are fading away in front of you.

To me, an outsider looking in on your viewpoint (which is the only one we've been exposed to and the only once that matters to you), it's black and white. Honey, ask anyone here, and they will tell you that any happy, healthy relationship is BASED on love and TRUST. You simply do not have that. How can you build a house on sand and expect it not to sink? Trust is a go/nogo issue. You do or you don't. Once you lose it, it is very very difficult to get it back.

Nothing ever seems black and white when your in the middle of it, and I know how hard it is to leave someone. I know what it feels like to be truly cheated on. I know what it feels like to have made a mistake that it's too late to repair. What it feels like to be used. To have a mountain of bills and no place to go. And no, it's not easy.

Let's assume your fears are valid. You are in a relationship with a man you don't trust. You have two options: (1) stay where you know you are being used. or (2) leave the bum, and actually have him deported so he can't use another woman this way.

Then who's the fool? Everyone gets used. Not everyone does something about it.

The end is going to come. It's very much to your advantage to pick the time and place. I doubt that anyone would disagree with that.

highly therapeutic response posted in russky's thread. I have a feeling I might get dinged on it, but oh well. sorry staceyv, just sharing my opinion with him.

I hate when people call me russky.
I have a name.

Would you prefer commie?

Arsen. I retract the russky comment, and admit to having a personal axe to grind with the sort of behavior described in this thread. I'm not impartial at all when it comes to infidelity. I used to be. I even dated a married woman. My disgust with this business has been turned on myself in the past. I deserved the heartache I got because I helped someone violate their vows. Still, if it walks like an asshat, talks like an asshat.....

For the record, my question was legitimate. :)

Dude, I'm trying to be serious here, and you keep having fun. You're harshing my mellow.:band:

just haven't used that one yet. Ooooh. one to go and I have 100 posts.

This is important to recognize.

Quote:

leaving will be hard if i go, very very hard. i would have to go live with my mother, no health insurance, $8,000.00 in credit card debt, plus raised car insurance from when he hit someone's car. the embarassment of everyone finding out that i am a complete fool and was taken for a ride, the fact that i don't know if i'd ever be able to trust someone else again or have a normal relationship, the fact that i would miss him and think "what if he was sincere.." after he's gone, and the fact that i have no social life or friends to surround myself with to help me get over him.

And these are the things you may have to face, so therefore I say it's important to work on "self" in order to face these things as a strong, mentally healthy adult.

Quote:

maybe i'm trying to delude myself into staying so my life will be easier. if i was in his shoes, (well, first of all, i wouldn't have written those letters!) but if i screwed up and i really cared, i would feel bad. i would probably cry and plead for forgiveness. but then i think "well, everyone has a different way of dealing with things"...still, he seems to not display too much emotion. this all seems like an inconvenience to him. like "fine, okay. you wanna ask me questions, go for it...we're just going in circles here, i'm so tired" or he's acting like nothing happened, acting exactly the same as he did before all of this."hi honey..here's your coffee, come here, give me a kiss, look at me- my dick is hard" or he's being impatient: he tried to kiss me before he got out of the car when i took him to work. i said "could you try that some other time?" because i am just not ready to be affectionate with him. he was like "fine!" and just got out of the car and walked away.

More proof that men and women treat certain situations differently.

Quote:

i know he's happy with his life with me, but is it just because it's convenient? i mean, a nice apartment, home-cooked meals, live-in sex, greencard, someone to organize the household budget and style his hair...who wouldn't try to hold on to this set up? maybe it is even convenient for him until death do us part? i don't know...he could be thinking that he'll be a total citizen by age 28....that it's worth it to keep me happy. maybe he'd never leave because it's a good set-up. but if it's not based on love or good intentions, i don't want it! you know what kils me? everybody loves him. people that i trust as good judgers or character just love him. my 45 yr old female boss who seems to see through everyone loves him. my family, everyone. then again, i always told him he would be a good salesperson. uhh! i'm going in circles.

You seem to do a lot of assuming with this. I hope that the counseling that you seek will help you out in some way. Good luck.

WOW! Interesting!! Well my opinion is that #1 snooping in his email is bad bad!! I have got caught several times snooping in my bf's email, and it's not fun getting in trouble, because then he goes on thinking that I do not trust him....long story! Anywayz....what it sounds like to me is that he is too involved with this girl.....plain and simple!! Seems like he is too worried and concerned about her that he is you. Anything wrong with that picture?? Well...i'm sure you are going to do what you want to do...and you may already have since this post is kind of out a date...c ya

It's late, I know
 

Stacy,

I know this is coming late, but I would like to put in my two cents. I think I can, somewhat, relate to your situation.

My wife just left me for reasons I don't even know. I'm still confused and the pain is the worst pain I've ever felt. I would rather have a root canal without the numbness, and I would give anything to be back with my wife. BUT....if she came back and wanted to get together.....as painful as it would be.....I would have to say no. The trust is gone and without trust, the marriage would suffer. You have to have trust. You have to be happy.

If this group of people at the cellar has taught me anything, it's that pain is apart of life and we have to deal with it. I realized that I should have dealt with this pain 10 years ago instead of prolonging it. 10 years of love is harder to forget than 2. They've also taught me that the pain will go away and the scars will heal. I hope they're right, because I want to love again and I will. And you can too.

I'm not telling you what to do or am I trying to persuade you in anyway. What I think you should do is listen to yourself. What do you tell you to do. If you decide to stay, then make the best of it. If you decide to go, then go. It seems to me that you are going to face pain either way.


Sorry if I'm bringing too much of my situation into this conversation, I'm still having a tough time dealing with it and this does help me too. But basically, what I'm trying to say to both of us it be strong and do what you think is right. And whatever pain you go through will go away with time and you will be stronger because of it.

I wish you the best of luck and let us know what happens.

Hi Staceyv - new here, hope you don't mind me commenting. Have read through all your posts and see masses of uncontrolled emotion. Psychologically you will reject any advice that doesn't conform to what you already know you are going to do (termed confirmation bias), so the best and only advice I can give is to listen to yourself, accept the decision you made the second you found out about the e-mails, and go ahead with it. Of course it will be hard, but stay true to yourself and you won't make a single mistake, because everything you do will be what you wanted to do in the first place.

All the best.

Stacey, a better board for you to post your question on is http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlguytalk
I can't add anything else new to the replies you've already had.

This is worse than watching soaps. I think all of you have been conned into contributing to a bogus bunch of tearjerking or meat-jerking bullshit. No sympathy in this corner. LMAO

When your life appears to fall into a mess right before your eyes, and there's nobody you can trust to tell your story, you can come here, jd, and still find a sympathetic audience.

Sniff, Sniff, blubber, bawl:violin:
Like I said, no sympathy here. If this bs were actually true, any self respecting woman would have Bobbited off his nads long ago and called the INS on his cheating immigrant ass. I still think it's a sob-story con job.

I think i'd rather make fun of him.

Eureka! The solution to her problem has manifested itself in my head...(Theme song to MASH plays in the background):violin:

If you want to be an ass, that's your perogative, and stacey's too if she wants, but I think you'll find that the majority of people reading this thread will find you an ass and her not;

And because you often get what you give, you'll learn someday that it pays not to be an ass.

[quote]Originally posted by Undertoad
[b]If you want to be an ass, that's your perogative, and stacey's too if she wants, but I think you'll find that the majority of people reading this thread will find you an ass and her not

You have a point Toad, and everyone dons the asshat at one time or another, as a matter of fact, its my favorite hat.
But is it only I that can visualize her sitting at the word processor, laughing her ass off while all of the responders are helping her fo finish her thesis on the dysfunctional bleeding hearts of cyberspace? Or am I just PARANOID?

I think what JD doesn;t understand is that although stacey took a lot of heat over that situation, and came out loking kind of bad through the whole thing, we all ( well, i can only speak for myself, but i think in general...) developed a liking for her. She's part of the family. She may be that sister that makes your eyes tired from rolling them all of the time, but.......she has redeeming qualities. She's terrifically honest and open. She isnt trying to impress anyone, or put anyone down.

So, mr Butler, before you recommend suicide to one of the dwellars, consider what UT says carefully. In your time of need, we're here for you. If you act like an ass, we'll tell you that too. That's what families do.

um...no. she's legit. you'd have to have been there for the whole thing, but her pain is real.

OK, you guys are right...apologies to any who were offended.
She is lucky to have people who are concerned for her mental well-being, unlike the welcome home reception received by many of my brothers in the late sixties thru 70's.

That's gotta be one of the clumsiest segues into political debate I've seen in quite a while.

Yeah, but look on the bright side.....no puns!

No debate intended, master.

yet.

Originally posted by jdbutler although not necessarily in this orderGood question.

And she demonstrated much testicular fortitude by not only standing up for herself when many disagreed with her, but by returning to the cellar and continuing to contribute despite things getting personal and nasty.

Then you'll just love today's DoDad.:rolleyes:

this has to be a joke

What does?