catharsis, sadness, happiness, memories, reflection, ... it's connection, evidence of a lasting connection.

I only know you a tiny bit monster, but I like you, you're important to me. You're my friend; that's why I say it's ok, you're gonna be ok.

side note:
fuckin red robin dj, wtf man?

Yes it will.

:grouphug:

Being blindsided is the worst. But it’s OK to cry, you know?


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Im so sorry monster,I feel so bad for ya buddy :(

Shows you he's not really gone. You still feel him.

That.:yesnod:

oh this was good.... :D

Fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and...

LOL!!!

It really was.

thanks for being there ....again... peeps :D

second anniversary today (technically yesterday). Friday 13th (I like Friday 13ths)

I still had the ashes in a box bothering me by their existence. The two oldest sprogs and I wanted nothing to do with them. It's just ash. Youngest decided he wasn't sure if he might want us to do something/it might be meaningful ash, so I hung on. Been hanging on a peg in the garage.

My plan if we had to do anything other than toss them in the trash was to dump them in "The Swamp" at the paintball field he used to play at most often called H3ll Surv1vors (where there is now a trail named after him). It's near Hell, MI.


Life has been especially rough recently. I met my friend as usual for our Friday morning workout and mentioned this elephant in the room and whined about how I was really not keen on even opening the box etc etc. and then I'd probably find it hard to get rid of the box.....

She suggested that Friday 13 in Hell might be the perfect solution and offered to do it for me. So I went home and asked youngest how he felt about it now and he said .... "just ash".

Paintball field is open weekends only in winter, so we drove there, snuck on via the campsite entrance and the deed is done. And I did it. At the last minute I big-brave-girled it. Not quite The Swamp -too hard to get to- but same body of water. And then I took the googly eyes off the box (that I had placed there the day i picked it up to make me feel better) and stuck them on one of the structures on the field.

closure of a sort.

i left the damn box there too. In a recycling can for similar plastics.

Boom.

I just needed to share this but am wary of being more public because I didn't tell the oldest two or his mom (because she is currently dealing with her daughter being hospitalized and daughter's husband being an absolute twat (as my sister put it). I figured they'd be cool and needed to act while the momentum was there. So I'm telling all y'all. It is a done deed. If they ever ask what happened to the stuff, I think they'll like the answer :D

I hope your brain feels like you've done something in some kind of way, even if it just shifts something from one kind of thing to a slightly different kind of thing, like shifting from one foot to another. Presumably, over time, if you shift things around enough, all the heavy stuff falls to the bottom, like a can of mixed nuts.

Maybe a little bit of closure, at least one less decision. I'm glad to hear you put on your big girl pants, I think you'd regret it later if you hadn't. You done good.:thumb:

The googly eyes made me cry. I'm glad this is something you were able to do, for yourself and your kids and everyone who knew him.

Sounds like you did just the right thing. Sometimes the best ideas just pop up like that. Good on yer, monster!


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Well done. Proud is the wrong word. I like the satisfaction you shared. I don't know what the right word is, but I like this feeling. Good on ya. You got it done when it was time to get it done.

thanks all. It's weird, but I think it's good. I think I may have thought about it at some point every single day for the last 730+ days. Because it was there. and now it isn't. :)

Well done.

Im so sorry Buddy :(

Blindsided again, but not crying. Watching Taskmaster on Youtube, googled one of the contestants to learn a little more about her. Found out she's from his home town and went to the same school he did. Born the year he left that school. I literally turned to tell him... :(

:(

I shouldn't keep resurrecting this thread, but I don't want to shit my misery everywhere..... I'm not really miserable about this one though, I'm just really surprised that i actually physically moved to tell him something before I realized....

he's still in my dreams all the time (not like that, you dirty buggers...) but I'm used to that now. he wasn't for a little while and I thought oh, I have the hang of this... but now he's back.

I tell you what, he needs to fix the fucking hose if he shows up this weekend... ;)

Socially distanced hugs to you.
(Oh, and resurrect away!)

strange how the brain works things out (or doesn't) behind the scenes. Ripley appears in my dreams from time to time in normal settings... and it's normal that she's there. Like my subconscious missed the memo.



I had them about jinx for a while too, and she's still alive... like we'd be doing something as normal, but at some point I would realize it wasn't at all normal. At first those always had her being angry with me for some small thing, and I'd wake up relieved. She apparently has had the same kind of dreams with me in them. really weird.

takes a while for your subconscious to de-fragment, sounds like

your brain is skirting the boundaries of both worlds