Actually, I spent time on that goddamn pizza. It was a work of art. I was more impressed with how perfectly the pepperoni and cheese lined up than anything. Attention to detail, that's me.

You should have taken a picture. One of the pizza, and one of the look on the guy's face when he got it.

Yeah, what an asshole that customer was! How dare he challenge Dave's authority as pizza maker! Fucking idiot!

(No offense Maggie...I just liked the way you put that...then I got creative.)

Ironically, I worked at Pizza Hut for all of a month.

I think Maggie was more blaming me than him.

I know...I just turned it into something I found funny. :)

lol..

pizza hut was terrible. ugh. can you believe that when i first started working there, i was actually excited about closing? haha. man, if i hadn't had to wash dishes i would have been FINE. i didn't mind deck mopping the floor every night, i just hated the dishes.

but in the customers' defense, i was a terrible waitress that one time :D

I did deliveries. Made alright money, but couldn't stay there for too long: They made me cut my goattee, which is a huge deal to me.

I had just moved back to St. Louis in December 1995 and was back at my old job (Ass't. Customer Service Mgr. at Venture). A customer wanted to return an item because it was defective, and wanted another one. Unfortunately, we were all out, and wouldn't have them in until 3 days later. He didn't like it when my rep told him this, so I went up there to tell him the same thing. His response: "Boy, they must have scraped the bottom of the barrel to find you."

Well, I decided to have some fun with him. I said, "Well, I could call another store, but I'll pass," and walked away. Suddenly, the guy is like, "Aw, come on! I didn't mean it!" I was like, "Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm the bottom of the barrel, remember?"

The guy starts begging and pleading, telling me that he wants to give the item as a gift to his wife for Xmas (which is 5 days away). I give this "in thought" look, and say, "Okay, lemme see what I can do."

Found another one at the next closest store. Guy is happy; he apologizes profusely. I grin profusely, but graciously accept.

Those are the rare moments when I like to wield power as an awesome weapon. :)

I just read the whole shit pizza story, and it jogged my memory.

I never did something like that at the Ortlet, but my brother was involved with something like that at this restaurant near us.

He and his friend were working the late shift (it's a 24-hour place to get something hot and caffeinated before getting back on the road kind of place), and they had just shut the grill down, as it was late, empty, and nobody who came in ordered something significant. Usually coffee. In walks this guy, demanding a mushroom egg-white omelet.

Now, my brother and his friend were livid. They couldn't believe that this happened to them, when they were so close to getting the hell out of there. So my brother's friend (this is TRUE, now) grabs up a handful of mushrooms and puts them in his mouth, chews them up, and spits them on out back into his hand.

At this point, my brother was new to this job, and wanted to keep it, so he left as to avoid any association with what happened next. It wasn't until years later he got up the balls to ask the guy what really happened. The guy just looked over at my brother and raised his eyebrows slightly. From then on, it hasn't been discussed between the two.

My mother hears this, she goes "I'm glad he didn't join in, that's sickening" etc. etc., but you know what? If it wasn't the fact that I hate mushrooms, I would have done the same.

~mike

See, in my mind, morals dictate that you not leave. Morally, you should stay and stop the person from doing it.

A lot of people justify that type of behavior using the "see no evil" theory. Truth be told, if I were younger (16-20) and it had been me, I probably would have done the same thing.

There's this thing with restaurant workers. They think they have some right to not do their work. Sure, you can shut down the grill, but you're taking a risk in doing so. Someone could always come in later and demand an omelet.

Doesn't matter - if you're 24 hours and you advertise that you serve food for those 24 hours, you serve food. You don't serve chewed up food - that's illegal and immoral. You serve the food you're supposed to serve. If you don't like it, bring it up with your boss or quit. It's that simple.

But I've noticed that restaurant types always seem to think that the rules shouldn't apply to them. Of course, they would expect their food to arrive in good condition, even if they got in late and ordered when the grill was off.

They hate the customers. They get <b>livid</b> when a customer asks for something that they offer. Know what? Customers pay your salary. If it weren't for them, you wouldn't have a job. And there's this resentment, like it's their fault that you've got a shitty job.

When a customer is out of line, that's a different thing. But when a customer is just being a customer... well, I've got no empathy for whining clerks, and I've got no respect for someone that would do something like that to another's food.

That just reminded me of my favorite Penn&Teller trick you can pull on friends at a restaurant.

You secretly pocket one of those liquid coffee creamers that come in the little single-serving plastic cup. At some point (preferably after the meal) you palm it so you're making a fist and the creamer is inside, with the paper part facing away from your thumb.

Then you announce "hey, you all wanna see a cool trick?" With your other hand, you pick up a fork and act like you're gonna do something with your eye. There's usually one in every group who is squeamish about foreign objects in eyes, so you really milk this part -- poke at the bottom of your eyelid, etc. Act like you're trying to set up just the right condition to do something but you can't quite get it right.

Then say "OK, hold on a sec.." and bring the hand concealing the creamer up to your eye. Hold it up to your eye, kinda like you were holding a telescope and looking through it, but the creamer is inside with the paper facing out. Then stick the fork through the opening in your fist, through the paper in the creamer, and squeeze the creamer. The shit squirts everywhere, at which point you let out a scream like you just popped yer eyeball.

If you do this last part right, no one will see the creamer at first and it'll freak everyone out for about 1.5 seconds. It never fails to please.