Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble
(Post 894401)
To do this, foot would have to show the abuser a photo of his particular kids, so he'd know which ones to stay away from. Not a good idea to bring them to the forefront of the abuser's mind, in my opinion. I do support showing the kids a picture of him, if you can get one, but around here photos are not included in the public record. Maybe driving past his house so they know for sure where to stay away from. But frankly, the whole "personal threat" thing usually backfires, in my experience. Abusers often abuse women and children for the sense of power that comes with it. If a big scary man threatens the abuser, it just exacerbates his inferiority and makes him more likely to commit another act of abuse sooner rather than later.
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As I said, I was just thinking out loud, I didn't intend to give the impression I had a completely worked out plan.
However, I don't agree with your first statement anyhow. He can stay away from footfootfoot's children by staying away from all children without knowing which ones are his. That's the most desirable result of all, and it's certainly possible.
I did try to make clear that there's no "personal threat" involved--I repeatedly said that I want this fellow to know that he's a known person and a known quantity to me, that I and my family are alert to him and his past offenses, that every other target is less undesirable than mine. Don't know which is mine? Not my problem, not a problem at all. I'm not giving him any kind of permission to prey on anyone, only to say that me and mine are not easy, unsuspecting prey.
Your last point about the motivations of abusers, etc. Well. I can imagine your logic might fit for some kinds of abuse, namely spousal abuse for example, where power is at play. But it doesn't seem as good a fit for the motivation of sexual abuse of children. Physical abuse? Yeah, I could see that. Babies get shaken all the time by frustrated men who can't "control" the crying of the baby, etc. Like I said, I have scant details about the situation in his neighborhood. But to take the opposite tack, lie low, don't draw attention, don't make him mad or feel inferior... That doesn't sound like a good safety plan. There is no security through obscurity. Inciting him to commit further sexual abuse of children because I "made him feel more inferior" doesn't sound logical, BUT THEN, the whole fucked up situation inside the head of child abusers isn't logical to me either, so wtf.
One is tempted to say there is no defense against such assaults, but that's not true. There ARE ways to reduce the risk, and all of them involve awareness, mostly on the part of the parents, and of the children. I've had training that talked about how to help reduce the risks to the children. It is not hopeless, children are not helpless.
- doing nothing distinguishes me and mine not at all from the rest of the population
- you've suggested that my ideas about speaking up may well put my children at greater risk because I've made him feel even more inferior by my breast-beating; that he'd abuse sooner (though upon rereading, you didn't say abuse **my** kids sooner, just "sooner")
- this doesn't follow for me, I've never gotten the sense that abusers abuse (sexual abuse, not physical abuse) out of revenge.
