Ah but this is a zombie film.
I have nothing against CW personally, of course. Fat girls like me don't make it either. Tulip will be lucky to be cast at all.

In fact as women only one of us will make it regardless.
And she will have to be 19.
Ibby?

Now of course if you are making a low-budget or art-house movie...

Oh you're right... I totally forgot the marginally-athletic tend to not survive to the end. It's got me coming and going.

Back to waitressing, dammit.

Now you should have said that in the first place!
A black waitress who is slightly larger than the average supermodel is a great cast member for a zombie movie.

I will have to rewrite part of it just to include you.
You'll need to work in a diner of course. Silver service doesn't cut it for this film. With a walk in freezer.
Am in two minds as to whether you get locked in or whether you lock someone else in.
Oh! Could you have an addicted younger brother (or friend - can cross racial lines when it comes to skinny people)? Yes - he's one of the early zombies who you lock in to protect all your ungrateful customers who think you are bringing your problems to work and they just want coffee, damnit! Then some do-gooder lets him out because it's just withdrawal, not zombieism. Uh-oh, who's sorry now...?

You can survive that scene because I think you need to slap the fat-arse drunk female later, to try to get across how you know all about addiction and you couldn't save your brother/ friend but you can save her. You don't of course.

Oooo I could sign up for that. I know just the friend too... will an opioid addict do? The opportunity to lock him in a walk in freezer is just too much to pass up! He'd love to be a zombie too.

If this is a Cellar Zombie movie, shouldn't all dwellars be able to be in it? Or is this Varsity?

Considering I'm not a fan of zombie movies (although I did laugh during Shawn of the Dead), I think I'd be among the crowd who don't believe people are turning into zombies, but then it turns out there's a reason for it.

I'm already brain dead and this is not real!

I'll be the one sitting quietly in the corner of the bar nursing a beer and reading a murder-mystery, who surprises everyone by coldcocking the hysterical woman with a library book and then calmly helps herself to a packet of peanuts before returning to her reading in the peaceful shocked silence...


what?

You won't even notice me until the credits roll. 'Rhianne was in that?' you'll say.

Wikipedia:

A zombie (Haitian Creole: zonbi; North Mbundu: nzumbe) is an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means, such as witchcraft.[1] The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli. Since the late 19th century, zombies have acquired notable popularity, especially in North American and European folklore.



So wait......... can't we make a movie about corpses reanimated by benevolent mad scientists, trained to eat landfill rather than brains (maybe a little goat DNA in the reanimation process...) and then set to ambulate on treadmills to produce electricity?

I'll be the guy who miraculously manages to survive, unscathed, and defeats all the zombies. At the very end of the film, I release the villagers who have barricaded themselves in the local school, and, my back to the camera, as I hoist a little girl into the bright sky, smiling and laughing with relief that the nightmare is over, my shirt comes untucked and you can see a fresh zombie bite mark on the small of my back. I turn to face the camera with a leering, evil grin.

Dolly Zoom, cut to black, dramatic music, roll credits.

I'll be the only dwellar zombie listed in the credits "as himself."

I would like the role of Bill Murray.

I'd be the one that the ragtag bunch of dwellars would flee to, and as you approach Chez Wolf with the fast zombies close on your heels, I would start blasting them, and say to you all, "I was wondering how long it would take you to get here," and pass out weapons and ammo to hold out against the onslaught. I would also make the sort of engaging quips about being "all out of gum."

At some point, though, I'd get some zombie goo on me and try to conceal it from everyone else and eventually I'd turn and eat all of your brains.

and likely starve ...

I'd be one of the zombies eating Spex's brains in the opening scene.