Kids are fine at funerals. You just have to let them know in general what to expect.

I posted about my kids in a thread here. I was a little worried about it, but it turns out the kids were a hell of a lot more normal with death than the adults.

Thanks we're going. Borrowed hector's dark concert pants and found a black t-shirt. I gave him the option of trying to find some navy cargo shorts, but he likes the pants.

Now, on arrival, what to we expect? is there a reception line or something? I don't know that we'll make the visitation. Or will we just slip into a back row and meet the relatives after? I'm off to get dressed, I'll be back for your answers in a few minutes, thanks :)


Have decided to take his DS to play on the way there and back, knowing that he can get to his DS after something often helps him concentrate.

thanks glatt, I think he'll be fine, I just needed help with the decision of the right thing to do becasue of course we'd rather be at the pool.

Yeah, I think you'll both feel better having gone.
My kids have both been to several, and they have always handled them just fine. I mean, no one goes for the fun, but it's the right thing to do.

If you're going straight to the funeral, you will probably be greeted and seated. Afterwards, people go to their cars to head to the cemetary. Not everyone goes to the cemetary. After that there is typically a church or a home where everyone meets and eats and talks. After all the agony leading up to the death, and the stress of the funeral...I find it is usually an uplifting thing. People will talk about good things they remember, have a laugh or two.

Play it by ear...just being there is all you really need to do.

There will be a reception line at some point. I've mostly seen them at the lunch after the service and at the viewings before the service.

So we should go to the lunch? Seems intrusive but that may be more where Thor gets a chance to be with Fred.

If it were me, I'd go to the lunch if it was in some sort of church hall or something, and wouldn't go if it was in a private residence. They are actually kind of fun after the serious business of the service. You'll know other parents there, right?

I agree, go to the lunch and give Thor and Fred a chance to hang out.

You might take a few flowers - if no one's looking.

We're back. We did the whole thing but didn't stay too long at the lunch. No I didn't really know anyone except Fred's mom and his dad's partner who I met once and who was weeping a lot and surrounded by her relatives. But Thor made the decision to go to all the parts to be there for his friend. Who could've cared less, to be honest. I think it's really too early for it to have sunk in for him yet, and it's been coming for more than two years, plus he's an only kid and loves to be the center of attention. but maybe, later, when he needs a friend to tal k to, it will help that Thor was there. A couple of other kids were at the service, but not the burial or lunch. Kids just wore regular clothes -Fred was in a comic strip t-shirt and shorts. Not all adults wore black but most did.

Yes, it was open casket at the visitation beforehand, but not during the funeral. Which was 90 minutes long and included a full communion. Then we joined the processin to the cemetary, during which I got a nosebleed -and I was driving the stick-shift car -plus being a funeral procession, we blew through all the red lights, so no stopping opportunity to grab more kleenex... :lol: Cemetary was brief, Fred's dad's partner was pretty emotional, Fred's mom was somewhat inappropriately dressed in a mini cocktail dress with ladders in the tights. I guess it was hard for there being there on the row behind Fred who was being cuddled by his dad's partner and her family.

And it was hot. Hoping to go to the pool in a mo, but apparently the power is out and likely to stay that way until Monday. I hear we may have found a generator.

Ooh, that is awkward. On the other hand, I suspect the dad's girlfriend will basically never see him again after this point.

I think he was the custodial parent, but they both lived in the same cohousing project as far as I can tell. the girlfriend was certainly as in charge as the mom at the last birthday party.

Um, so now we went, do we still send a card?

If you attended the funeral, probably no need to send a card.