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Like thousands of tiny thumbs urging you to let loose...

Not to make my cellar debut by hijacking a thread, I've got to say this sentiment is curious, me a month out of a nearly-ten-year relationship with the only person I've ever slept with and realizing that our quarterly ritual (yes, it became that infrequent) usually ended with me taking matters into my own hands.

It's hard to strive for "perspective" when all it illuminates are the things you learned to live without, and yet it was them that chose to flee the scene.

Well, that's unfortunate ... but you've managed to find one heck of a bunch of people to commiserate with.

Welcome to The Cellar.

Thanks for the welcome.

I hate to admit that I've come to benefit off others' misfortune, but I've been lurking here for a while, and the troublesome tales of Undertoad and Lookout123's breakups (or more to the point, the narratives of how they've been working through them) are what made me stumble upon this place, and they've been helpful, if for no other reason than letting me pretend there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, what a sap.

Anyhow, I'm definitely teetering over the precipice of thread-hijacking now, so stop encouraging me.

go for it. ive got a book to read anyway.

Go ahead and start your own thread, if you're ready.

And also let UT know when it's time to change your username.

Hijack away, theres no such thing as a safe thread here...and thats the way we like it apparently. :)

Having lived under a constant Internet pseudonym for the last ten years, I suspect that it would be easier to talk about certain subject matter under a name that the ex-girl wouldn't find, as well as never having to be accused of libel against her by virtue of my non de plume.

So for at least the time being, the handle serves its purpose. To drag this back on topic, I can say that by at least some of the standards presented here, "bad lay" is a label that might not be totally inappropriate to the situation (which might be an epiphany I'd not expected, or could just be sour grapes. Troublesome judgement, that.)

"that our quarterly ritual (yes, it became that infrequent) usually ended with me taking matters into my own hands."
I'm embarrassed to admit that I know EXACTLY how you feel. After 17 years of "bad lays" (not the Chips) I've found that sex can and should be enjoyable, even outstanding! Welcome to The Cellar Disenchanted. I hope you find what you are lookng for.

Well, the journey can be the best part. But if you are left unsatisfied with it at the end, chances are the journey wasn't very good. I have never really had this problem, but my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years did. His ex-wife left, shall we say, something left to be desired in sex. I can't imagine having to go masturbate after having sex because it was that unenjoyable.

I have had bad sex, but they were always a fluke and after some careful communication things usually worked out. And if they didn't work out, it wasn't because of the sex. there was always another issue that would not be resolved (usually the fact that they were cheating).

I would say that as long as you enjoy it and are somewhat satisfied after the act, then it isn't a bad lay. I seriously doubt I could orgasm every time I had sex just because of the other things in my life (like stress). But when I can't reach that point just the journey is plenty for me.

Thank you for the considerate reply.

I am inclined to agree with your postition. Especially wrt communication. It's all about communication, sex is communication by other means (with apologies to Clausewitz). Every day I communicate, sometimes well, often poorly, usually with words, occasionally by other means. Bottom line--when the communication is not working well, the chances of other things working well are greatly diminished.

You are very welcome. :D (at least I think you were referring to me... )


And I totally agree with you. Communication is an absolute must.

Yes, you, Iggy.

The unfortunate corrolary to communication as a prerequisite to sex is no communication, no sex.

Sex is so awesomely good--why do we fuck it up?

They already have the "no glove, no love" phase, I think we should add yours as well.

No communication, no sex. ;)