Do you know how fast you were going?

Responses that definitely don't work:

You stopped me. Shouldn't you know?

Yep. Sure was fun, huh? I was really flying there! Whee!

The same speed you were when you caught up to me.

My spedometer doesn't go up that far.

Why? You jealous?

Not half as fast as I wanted to go. Don't you hate breaking in a new engine?

Fast enough to get you to put down your donut.

I once got pulled over for "being in the left lane". There was no one else on the road. He said, "I don't mean to be petty, but that's our lane," meaning the state troopers. :rolleyes:
He told me I reminded him of his daughter... and let me off with a seatbelt citation. Even though I was wearing my belt, it was still cheaper than a moving violation.

New Jersey law....Keep right except when passing and no passing on the right.;)

Usually, flashing the badge works.
When it doesn't, I let them check the coffin in the back.
Haven't had a ticket in years.

That's Pennsylvania law too.

Now, in Jersey, strangely, pretty much the only time I end up getting passed is by someone on the right. I am usually doing at least 20 to 30 over the speed limit in the center lane at the time.

No, in PA you can pass on the right on divided highways and one-way streets therefore you can (but shouldn't) drive in the left lane.;)

Bruce is right. I get passed on the right all the time and I'm just seething... don't they know how dangerous passing a rig on the right is?

I don't want to kill anybody but some drivers just ASK for it!

[Haywood Banks ]If I had a Bull dozer !!![/Hawood Banks ]

I've never had a speeding ticket. I would tell them if I knew... but it seems like a stupid question. They pulled me over, shouldn't they know?

You give them one of those, "hmm, i don't know, i was just moving along with the traffic"

"I don't know, sir, but I'm never gonna reach warp1 if y'all keep stopping me like this, and I need to reach at least warp 9 to get Home (wink wink, stare up at the sky)"
"Sorry, officer, but my flux capacitor's been on the fritz, and this thing hasn't run right since... do you by any chance have a little plutonium on you?"

Alligator tears always seemed to work for me. Of course, I was younger, cuter, and had a car that would actually surpass the speed limit!