no

Have you ever cleaned out someone else's ears for them?

Yes

Have you ever thrown up on someone?

NO (I tried but they dodged)

Have you ever been french kissed by a dog?

yes (or at least she kissed like a dog lapping peanut butter)

have you ever broken the law purely for the thrill of breaking the law?

Yes

Have you ever been arrested?

no.
because in mexico the cops are so crooked they just make you pay a hefty fine.

did you just touch my ass?

no

did you want me to?

NO

Did you ever run away from home when you were a kid?

No.

Ever get caught breaking into your old elementary school to snoop around and steal chalk after it was permanently closed? (I know, I'm such a rebel...)

No.

Did you ever have sex on the sink in the men's bathroom at SuperSubway?*

*or, similar sandwich shop

no

did you ever pick your nose and eat it?

No

Did you ever get caught jerking off in a closet?

You never picked your nose and ate it? I challenge.

Not that I recall, counsellor. I understand that I am under oath.

Let's rephrase the question.

Do you know what boogers taste like? If you ever picked your nose and ate it, I submit that you will remember the taste. (I do, and it's been well over 30 years.)