I think there's something missing in the third paragraph, classicman.

:lol2:

just a comma that needs to be a period, I believe.

I'll take a coma over a period any day....

In a heartbeat!!

I think he was referring to the rest of a true Irishman's order.

:lol2:

thats more of a WTF than humorous.

In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a black, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo, and the face was the same color. Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!

I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.' 'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend.
Just what I needed! I am gay, and on top of that, with a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh noooooo... I'm bald!

The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.'

Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn't get it.
Frustrated, I hang up.
It's then I realize I only have one hand!

With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? McCain or Huckabee?

Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one handed, drug addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God,
please don't tell me I'm a Republican!!!!!

typical woman - distracted by the obvious and missing the subtle beauty found elsewhere.


;)

Is that the joke that the councilwoman in CO ended up resigning over?

:) lol lookout.....I like your humor.

funny story xob

Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life."
Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life."



Moral of the story: don’t underestimate someone else’s talents.

:confused:

:confused:

Or the ability to screw over people who don't know what they are getting themselves into just like an adjustable rate mortgage.

Re-read your previous post.

I forget you're head of the department of redundancy department, classicman. ;)

EXACTLY!
EXACTLY!

Requiem for Common Sense
 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple,sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Band aid to a student but did not need the parents approval to distribute condoms.

Common Sense lost the will to live when religions became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement..

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his grandchildren; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror, after a relaxing bath. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.

‘God…if you take away my love handles, I’ll devote my life to you,’ She prayed.

And just like that………

…….. her ears fell off.

Hello,
Can someone please explain to me what does this mean: 362 and 293.
I see this on a forum where a couple use this to response to each other. I thought that's kinda cute although don't know what's that mean.
Please let me know,
Thanks.
Loss

perhaps the number of a post? if you look to the top right of your post you see the number 1705.

A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat. "Begorrah, Colleen," says her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?" Colleen replies, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?"

When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights, but she's back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring. Same exchange with Mom...same "Won it at bingo!"

Colleen returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back. This time she's sporting a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She hands her mother 1,000 pounds and explains that she won it all in bingo.

Then she asks Mom to run her a bath as she needs to freshen up. When Colleen gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, calls downstairs, "Mom! Sure now, didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!" "Indade there is, me darlin," replies her Mom. "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?"

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection ?

A quarter pounder with cheese

Ouch monster :P That's wicked...but funny.

Okay, another Armstrong and Miller sketch, courtesy of youtube. Not sure how well the humour in this translates across the Atlantic, but here goes:P

Oh and one more Armstrong and Miller. This one I think translates well :P

Hello,

ha ha this is funny, thanks for posting, DanaC

Thanks Lumberjim for your response, but they use this code along with things like ILU, IWU, INU.. therefore I think it must be some kinds of love languages.

If anyone know, please let me know.

Thanks a lot.
Loss.

I laughed, but it was a bit like following two languages I don't understand... I got a headache.
:footpyth:

*smiles at Pie*

They are using the language that kids in england put on to be cool. But doing it with wartime BBC English inflections.

can you link to the forum/post, or is it a dodgy site? Or are they private emails you're trying to decipher? :lol:

Could be the number of letters in each word in a set phrase e.g. 143 means "I love you"? Maybe 293 means "Up Chocolate Way"?

WHO IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND?

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!?

Hello Monster,

Thanks for your response. Sorry i can't link the forum but it is not private email. However it is good to know that 143 means i love you (is it really so, because I'd like to use it).
What is "up chocolate way" means anyway?

Thanks again.
Have fun, 143.

Loss.

P.s
If possible, please explain to me how is this "the number of letters in each word in a set phrase" work?

Sheldon?

:D

I learned that on Mr. Rogers. It's true, but like most words, it only works if the other person knows it too.

What's your story, loss? I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She's only guessing that 143 might mean "I love you." And "up chocolate way" was a joke, it means nothing. It was just a funny group of words that had the right number of letters.

I = 1 letter
L-O-V-E = 4 letters
Y-O-U = 3 letters

BigV has used 143 for years as saying I Love You.

I don't think it's Sheldon.:cool:

Well ain't that just the sweetest thing? :blush:

I was looking to Shel to explain up chocolate way.

No guess, that one's as old as the hills.....

that's cause you're not in the cool code gang. it means.... oh wait.........

.........I need to see some ID......

Yes? :-)

:)

Dude, how did you get here already? Do you always come so fast? Do you have a special tool? You know, a browser thing that alerts you to high euphemism potential words like chocolate? Or is your tool Sheldon-centric? :D

I just follow the Monster...Cocks. ;-)

Dear all,

This is really fun, thanks all of you for your responses.

A big thanks to Clodfobble for explaining how things works. Now I could actually make up some codes for myself following this technique.

"What's your story, loss? I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop".
Hi Glatt, do you mean the story of myself? well, i am cute, curious and confuse, hihi.. things such as "the other shoe to drop" really got me in total loss. Please tell me what does this mean?

Thanks Monster, Shawnee, Tink .

Enjoy the rest of the everning!
143

Loss.

P.S. again this is how it goes: she said:362; and he responsed: 293.

is this another one of tw's sock puppets?

Hey, total, he meant "hi there, welcome to the cellar, where are you from, what do you do, pepsi or cola, tell us more about yourself, please...."

I still reackon 362....293

is "how desire it?"...."up chocolate way"

Only time I ever saw people use 'hihi' was in gaming and they were usually from the east....usually Korean.

Total Loss, nice to 'meet' you :) welcome to the cellar !

A lot further east.

:lol: :headshake

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
 

I Often Contradict Myself
I often contradict myself.
Oh no, I never do.
I argue with me day and night.
That simply isnt true.

Oh yes it is. Oh no it's not.
I do this all day long.
Oh no I don't. Oh yes I do.
That's right. No way! It's wrong.

I'm really quite agreeable.
I argue night and day.
I love to be around myself.
I wish I'd go away.

So if you see me arguing,
it's certain that you won't.
I like to contradict myself.
I promise you I don't.

--Kenn Nesbitt

Hello DanaC,

Thanks for your warm welcome. It's nice to "meet" you too. It's my first time here ever; I'm really clueless on how things works. You're right, i'm asian, but not Korean. What is from the "gaming" means anyway?
--

Hello Monster,

How are you? Thanks for explaining Glatt questions. Ok, i'm from US, 2 years college graduated, still working on what i want to do, still working on how to express myself correctly, love animal, here to have fun and to look for answers..
Are you purposelly post the answer in that "hard to see" color, because it's really work -only joking- but thanks anyway, i think it's cute, only wish i could understand what "up chocolate mean".

Glad to be a member of the Cellar, thank you all again,

Sincerely,

Loss.

"Up chocolate", often refers to anal sex.

Oh, Hi Bruce, thank you! No wonder Monster posted it in that color.
Have fun, :)
Loss.