Warning-crude language! :)

It's no wonder why some kids have a problem with Santa...I mean, would you sit your kid on this guy's lap? :eyebrow:

There are quite a few scary, drunken santas in that series.This one is my favorite.

how many mice does it take to screw in a lite bulb ????

2004 Year in Review
http://www.angryflower.com/2004col.jpg

(from Bob the Angry Flower)

I have a post in a help forum about error in device manager for my optical drives. Someone posted to use cd & do a repair :confused: How in hell can you do that? :smack: him :biggrin:

What religion is YOUR bra?
 

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked
up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra
for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four
types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: There
are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between
them.

The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

*****************

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the
letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters
stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Brian

Then there's this Santa/kids photo , which looks as though Santa may have just unloaded a bunch of cookies and milk into his jolly red pants...

I don't recall if I posted this here before.. but oh my gawd.. the first, second and third time I read these recipe cards I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself.. well I may have! but you'll never know! the captions are....are..are.. hee hee hee hee hee

http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html

Cows, The Constitution, and the Ten Commandments
 

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 200 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.


CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

Bear Activity
 

BEWARE

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the
alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone area.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also
advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should
be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear
droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel
fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.

LOL - jinx, i read that a couple of weeks ago and it cracked me up then too.

• ANSWER: Carnac The Magnificent/
QUESTION: Who won't be coming down for breakfast anymore?
• ANSWER: Gatorade.
QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare?
• ANSWER: Bible belt.
QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?
• ANSWER: Milk and honey.
QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?
• ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.
QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles.
• ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall.
QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong.
• ANSWER: Ben Gay.
QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?
• ANSWER: An unmarried woman.
QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952?
• ANSWER: Disjoint.
QUESTION: What was dat hippie smoking?
• ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman.
QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?
• ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman.
QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.
• ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
• ANSWER: Old wives tale.
QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest?
• ANSWER: Rub-a-dub-dub.
QUESTION: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?
• ANSWER: Shareholder.
QUESTION: What did Sonny Bono used to be?
• ANSWER: Skalliwags.
QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy?
• ANSWER: David Frost.
QUESTION: On a cold morning what forms on your david?
• ANSWER: Head and shoulders.
QUESTION: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?
• ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock.
QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?
• ANSWER: "Rose Bowl."
QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?
• ANSWER: That darn cat.
QUESTION: Who ruined that darn rug?
• ANSWER: High rollers.
QUESTION: Describe a stoned bowling team.
• ANSWER: Gunga din.
QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?
• ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road."
QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office?
• ANSWER: At both ends.
QUESTION: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles?
• ANSWER: Igloo.
QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
• ANSWER: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.
QUESTION: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?
• ANSWER: Grape Nuts.
QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?
• ANSWER: Supervisor.
QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?
• ANSWER: Crabgrass.
QUESTION: What do crabs get high on?
• ANSWER: Shake-N-Bake.
QUESTION: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno.
• ANSWER: Blazing Saddles.
QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?
• ANSWER: Flypaper.
QUESTION: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?
• ANSWER: Deep freeze.
QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film.
• ANSWER: Bedbug.
QUESTION: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? :biggrin:

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I'll do both.

Thanks for those, Bruce.