These and 88 more quotes from Prince Philip found at
The Independent

The man rocks! :D

:lol: @ eating dogs for anorexics

I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads This one should get First prize....

I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own
money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:



* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala ..



* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .


* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in America by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you
met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

"If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician."

:lol2:

A good friend of mine DIED from a 4 hour erection, you insensitive bastard!!!

(Of course, it was MY 4-hour erection that killed him!)

:D

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down.
You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests.
What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?" "
No I told you the computer's down, There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing."
In that case" says the second priest, I've always wanted to be a stud.
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
"Will you have any trouble locating them? he asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter,
"He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.
But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
Why asks the Lord
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Minnesota "

I went out into the garden today and was shocked to find my ex-husband lying face down in the grass.

The stupid dog had dug him up again.

Big Boobz (SFW sort of)

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-big-boob.html

The best fun are the children comments.

While not shocked, I agree that it's was a poor choice for a morning talk show.

I am a guy and I love tits but I don't understand this fascination with huge boobs. In fact, I don't like enhanced breasts.

:eek:

I'll even go on record as saying that I dislike them... a lot.