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Because he's too special to eat all at once!

In and around gun circles lives the legend of the mall ninja. It is a derogatory term for posers who load up on certain brands of clothing and gear and talk up their abilities. The term mall ninja really popped up and took traction on a message board years ago. I present you with the best consolidation of his posts I've yet to see.
Here's to you Gecko45

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hello friends,

Last year I made the decision to trust my life on the street to Second Chance body armor. I got the level IIa because it stops the most rounds. plus I got the Trauma Plate for the front.

What scares me is that, although I can fit an extra trauma plate in the front, I cannot fit a second one in back. As of late I have taken to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of my back where the heart and vital organs are located. Then I put my vest on.

Here is the questions. The ducttape solution, although tactically sound, is hot and painful to remove. I would like to go to the single-plate solution in back. What I am worried about is repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition. I have a high-risk security job and I fear that I would be the target for repeated long-distance shots to my back.

Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that? Is there a better way to do the second plate?

BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head. My SO (we work as a team when necessary) has a similar accessory containing a breakdown NEF single-shot 300 WinMag with an 18" bbl. The plan is that I shield us with my body and “catch the rounds” while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire. The problem, of course, is when I have to turn my back to run, and then the problem crops up.

Thanks!

Serpentine! Serpentine!

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Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that?

That would have to be damned heavy.

Part two in the next post.

They got separated by a page break.

Part one in previous post, due to page break.

A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.

I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu.
Champagne, Shrimp cocktail, Lobster and a nice Puligny Montrachet followed by some Louis XIII.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like this when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job."

It was then that I offered her dessert.

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language in which a double positive can express a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

an oldie but goodie:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons, nor prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into
motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to
slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck , but she slides
down the horse's side anyway
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from
the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now
at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

----------------------
Two Minnesota mechanical engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by and asks what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Sven, 'but we don't have a ladder. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches, and walked away. Ollie shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Sven and Ollie are currently working for the United States Forest Service.

True story:

At a dinner at a friend's house, I overheard his wife say, and I quote:

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I don't like them big ten inch ones, they won't fit in my little old thing.

She was talking about tortillas. She has a quesadilla-maker.

ETA: I almost told her to spit on it...

I came across the following joke but I fail to see where it is funny :

Quote:

What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

If at all possible, can someone give me an explanation?

Since I don't get it, I hope it shouldn't be in the TASTELESS thread...

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunMaster357 (Post 732178)

I came across the following joke but I fail to see where it is funny :
If at all possible, can someone give me an explanation?

Since I don't get it, I hope it shouldn't be in the TASTELESS thread...

Temporarily suspending disbelief at two skeletons being animated and screwing, imagine the racket that dumping a bag of bones on a tin roof would cause. That's the whole thing.

And that's when he farted.