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ha!
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yah, that was the one that made me post it.....
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I was reading in the paper today about this midget that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low? |
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The headline read "Small Medium at Large.". |
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s. #9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road. #8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. #7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup. #6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo. #5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. #4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month. #3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it. AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . #1 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun. |
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NSFW
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping. clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... and, (hopefully you're ready for this!!!) The coffin stops. |
Oldie but goodie, Sheldon!
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For The Grammar Nazis
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This shit makes me laugh
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