you're a lawyer?!?!?!?! Since when?

Remember the song "Timothy?"

You know the difference between erotic and kinky, don't you?

































Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken!

Timmah??

Fixed it for ya.

true....

but not exclusively so.

there's a lot you can do with a cock that doesn't require a hole.

But that's another thread entirely.

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.



A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.



At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.



When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us." "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?" The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheet rock..."



The End

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

She said that she did.

He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no.

The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified.

She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"

When the construction crew moved to their next jobsite there was a little boy who would come by and watch them working. One day he came home and asked his mom for a length of string. She handed him a length of string and he said "Help me snap a line."
"OK" she replied thinking it was cute that he was playing carpenter.
The little boy pulled the string taught and eyeballed the line.
"OK, mom mover it to the right just a cunt hair."
Shocked, his mother let go of the string, stood up and said,
"I most certainly will not do any such thing! Now you pick up that string and take it right to your room."
Dropping the string, the boy looked at her saying,
"Fuck if I will, that's a laborer's job"

A perfect jobsite picture

self-portrait

The Adventures of God

by Lev Novak on April 09, 2010

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1803435

I
God: Noah, all the people of earth are sinners. You alone are righteous.
Noah: Thanks God. Long time fan, first time prophet.
God: So, I have decided to smite the entire world with a flood.
(pause)
Noah: Couldn’t you just teach man goodness?
God: No. I’m thinking “flood”.
Noah: So you’d rather just kill every-
God: What part of “flood” do you not understand?

II
God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.
Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?
God: Yes.
Moses: Awesome.
God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.
Moses: …ten?
God: Is there a problem?
Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, two plagues max?
God: No. For you see Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.
Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.
God: Yes.
Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.
God: Yes.

Moses: And you see nothing wrong with this picture?

God: ...
Moses: Are there any other God’s up there I can talk to?


III
Mary: Did you send the child support?
God: Frankincense and myrrh. Yeah.
Mary Annnnnd?
God: (sighs). And gold. And the gold.
Mary: That’s better.


IV
Job: …
God: Well, this is awkward.


V
God: Abraham, you must circumcise yourself.
Abraham: As you wish, my lord.
God: Oh my Me. He’s totally going to do it.

:lol:

^I know, lame comment, but I did laugh

Two hikers were in the woods when a distant grizzly bear spotted them and began to charge. one of the hikers frantically began to remove his boots and change into sneakers. His partner said "What are you doing? You'll never be able to out run that bear."
The hiker looked at his friend and said, "I don't have to out run the bear, I only have to out run you."

If it is all about humor that people want, why not try saying something onhow Mayweather gave racist comments about a boxer he cannot pug. He said he was just having fun. Any comments on this?