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-   Home Base (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Humor...I Need Humor... (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=4788)

Gravdigr 08-23-2010 03:24 AM
1 Attachment(s)
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Lamplighter 08-23-2010 10:07 AM
Cast of characters:

Computer: xoxoxoBruce
Monitor: UnderToad
Mouse: Wolf
Keyboard: LumberJim
Printer: ? ? ?

(No evil intended)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gravdigr (Post 678164)
Computer:Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh God, here we go.

Computer: *sighs* Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you're there.

Printer: NO! I'm not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne...

Mouse: Sir, he's clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!

Computer: You're not out of in...

Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!

Computer: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen...

Computer: Just do it, damn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He's hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you've done?!

Printer: HA! that's what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he...hey...HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He's torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.

:yelsick:

classicman 08-23-2010 10:51 AM
I'll be the person banging on the keyboard .... wouldn't be the first time. :p:

squirell nutkin 08-23-2010 11:17 AM

SteveDallas 08-23-2010 11:55 AM
My favorite was the eyeball flopping around on the optic nerve.

Gravdigr, that was excellent. I've always said I'd rather troubleshoot/fix 20 computers than one printer.

GunMaster357 08-23-2010 02:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman (Post 678241)
I'll be the person banging on the keyboard .... wouldn't be the first time. :p:
I'm probably one you're ranting about....

Yes, Im a computer programmer...

And proud of it! ;)

classicman 08-23-2010 03:24 PM
I have no issues with programmers. :headshake
Just the printer that works only when it feels like it. Pretty much as described above.

GunMaster357 08-23-2010 03:53 PM
I do have issue with printers too...

Or may be with the guys who devellop the printer drivers...

Why can't they come up with printers that have the same margins (top, left, right, bottom)?

Nearly every time I create a report, the costumer is unhappy because it doesn't print right.

SteveDallas 08-23-2010 04:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GunMaster357 (Post 678294)
Why can't they come up with printers that have the same margins (top, left, right, bottom)?
How 'bout they just WRITE A FUCKING PRINTER DRIVER??

It seems obvious that more time is spent on things like checking how much ink is left in the printer and giving you a handy menu so you can click whether you need to print a photo, or a powerpoint presentation, or an email, etc. than is spent making sure you can actually send stuff out to the printer.

It's almost enough to make me nostalgic for the bad old days of the Epson ESC codes. At least you could tell exactly how things were fucked up.

Lamplighter 08-23-2010 05:03 PM
Talk about nostalgia...

MS Word 5.0 back in the early days was about 100k and just about as good as the current version.
No bells-n-whistles, but a easy-to-use word processor.

But then, things were always better back in the dark recesses of my mind.

Sheldonrs 08-23-2010 05:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman (Post 678241)
I'll be the person getting banged on the keyboard .... wouldn't be the first time. :p:
There. Now it seems more plausible.

;)

classicman 08-23-2010 06:13 PM
Awe Shel. I never knew you cared.

xoxoxoBruce 08-23-2010 06:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamplighter (Post 678310)
Talk about nostalgia...

MS Word 5.0 back in the early days was about 100k and just about as good as the current version.
No bells-n-whistles, but a easy-to-use word processor.

But then, things were always better back in the dark recesses of my mind.
I was using open office, but it drove me crazy, trying to do what I didn't want to do. Then I found TinyWord, it's wonderful and free. :D

lookout123 08-23-2010 07:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman (Post 678241)
I'll be the person banging on the keyboard .... wouldn't be the first time. :p:
The bed, the couch, even the floor are all probably more comfortable locations for your banging needs.

squirell nutkin 08-23-2010 09:56 PM
http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/...elf-destructs/

gets good about 30 seconds in


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