You know why there are no Chinese telephone directories?

There are so many Wings and Wongs that for every Wing there are two Wong numbers.

I'm qualified to repost this, as a native Californian expatted to Texas: ;)

Coyote Problem

California:

Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks dog.

#1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi"
and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

#2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and
spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.

#3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200
testing it for diseases.

#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.

#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife
services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear
of dangerous animals.

#6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a "coyote
awareness" program for residents of the area.

#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better
handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.

#8. Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack
and for letting the Governor intervene.

#9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.

#10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.

Texas:

#1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. Governor has spent
$0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. Buzzards eat dead coyote.


Any wonder why California is broke?

HA HA HA HA! very good. needed that

The Geography of a woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistake twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... An adventurous spirit with a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

The end.

Like!

lol @ squirrel

Fixed it for ya.

Q: What do you call a colleague that earns 25% less than yourself ?











A: A woman

Bill Maher: "After 40 years, Al and Tipper Gore have split up. Nobody knows why, but there is a rumor today that Al came home early last week and found another man's carbon footprints."


Bill Maher: "People want [Obama] to be madder. His press secretary said he was enraged today. He was on Larry King last night, and he said, "I am furious.' He said, 'I am so angry, I have asked Rahm Emanuel to unleash a string of obscenities on my behalf.'"


Jimmy Kimmel: "President Obama today met with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer to talk about illegal immigration. Governor Brewer surprised everyone in this meeting by having the President deported."


Craig Ferguson: "Sir Paul McCartney played at the White House last night. He dedicated the Beatles song 'Michelle' to the First Lady. Isn't that lovely? And then for Joe Biden, he played 'Fool on the Hill.'"

Proof that man hasn't evolved all that much
 

.;)

Dress 'em like humans, pretty soon they'll be acting like humans.

A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a
sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized
that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One
particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around
it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until
the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of
them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more
cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought
Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening -
red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night
of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings'
again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could
do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

At first glance, this one is a classic joke that translates well in French. Then I got curious and googled Nancy Pelosi...

Had me laughing for a good minute...

I understand that poor guy :)