I can't believe no one has put this one yet!
Why did the chicken cross the road?












To get away from KFC!

Ooh here's a painful one.

A little boy is driving throught he country with his dad and he sees a single cow out in the pasture. He asks his dad why that cow is all alone. His father replies, "Why thats because he outstanding in his field!"

(Little kid was me way back when and dad was you guessed it, my dad who is the God of all puns. It kills me.

Why is it that so much conservative humor involves killing people?

there are very few new jokes out there, we've all heard these with the parties and names switched so don't worry too much HM.

but, another answer might be that we're evil and find human pain, suffering, and death extremely entertaining.

I was mainly thinking of this site, which is where I see most of my political jokes (as opposed to cartoons).

There's your answer, HM! :stickpoke Man, we really need a devil emoticon or somesuch.

i know, i should have put a smily in there, i didn't mean that to come across in a mean spirited way.

mmmm. lawyers
 

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to the place of eternal torment, he saw a lawyer making passionate love to a beautiful women. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
----


A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother. "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
-----


A man went into the Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"

The man replied, "Yes — but we can't prove it yet."
------


You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

How do you tell the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

The skidmarks are in front of the snake.


*****

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional Courtesy.


*****

What do you call a busful of dead lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

*****
(when I was a secretary there was one Public Defender that used to call a couple times a week and I'd hit him with a new lawyer joke every time.)

One of my major employment faux pas occurred when my boss' future son-in-law was introduced to me when he dropped by the office one day. I asked him what he did for a living, and he told me he was a student of criminal justice. I then told him the "skid marks in front of" joke (my variation was a skunk in the road). He looked at me, and said, with total disdain, "I'm going to become a lawyer."

My response? "That's okay...I'll tell it again real slowly."

To me - a chicken farmer cutting his penis off then watching his dog eat it is pretty funny.

so here you go.

Too weird. But you're right. It is funny.

I personally don't by it. He was obviously doing it on purpose, and then tried to think of a cover story afterwards.

If it's true, this is similar to the guy who recently tried to kill his puppy, but the puppy shot him instead. A lot of animal "payback is a bitch" stories lately.

obviously there is no need for PETA type organizations. the animals are going to rise up and reclaim their rightful position as rulers of the world.

I have to agree with Glatt. The guy did it on purpose and that's his cover story. You get a lot of this working in the ED. However, the usual story involves a man or woman with something very odd wedged in an equally odd body orafice and goes along the lines of, "OH! I must have accidentally sat on it!

His penis was the "noisy chicken" keeping him up at night! :smack:

i think it is important to be aware - if you have a noisy chicken keeping you up all night - just choke it. never cut it.