Criticism.

Poetry anyone?

Show me where I was quick to dispense criticism, please. I don't see any in this exchange. Perhaps you're thinking of a different thread or a different person.

Grayed skyline through an edge of glass
A springloaded black desk light cranes to help
My eyes squint and I can feel the tinge
on the right, near the back
move the neck, ear to shoulder
Did that get it?
nah.
still there.

a trenchcoat smells like rain
puddles splashing silently in my memory
as a child at school i stand in line
the gray day feels like wet heavy pain
we stand in the hallway line so violently
it all just stays the same
rivulets distort, raindrops dot
behind the window pane
eyelids get heavy watching the buses stop
it all melts into evening, night dinner
tv time on the carpet, bed already?
lie awake in the dark until i fade
away into tomorrow and do it again
again
ah gayne

I was just fuckin' around. Everybody quit bein' dicks.

dun dickin'
dun fuckin'
blame flin'.

Last night I dreamed I was svelte in a bikini,
This morning I day-dreamed of Chinese buffet,
This afternoon I'm worrying about speed dating;
Why don't my thoughts match up?

In truth though, I am happy with myself.
I have started to feel my own self-worth;
I am loved for who I am, not just by cats.
My dreams are robust enough to be walked on.

sundae-me likey

shina:

You got nothing.

I'll take the high road
And you take the low road
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye.....

Oh ffs, this is the Spontaneous Poem thread people, can we not keep this one free of conflict?

I'm trying.

Hear the bison as they fall
Tumbling hooves heard through the wall
Pride in every muffled blow
Mangled heap is red and raw

Hear the silence as they thaw
Ecstasy heard through the wall
Air is wet, morning dim
Laughter lost within the maw

you know what? I'm taking two poetry courses this quarter and I'm gonna be in yur thread steelin' yur poims. HA! just TRY to stop me!


(for those of you who are literal moralists, I am kidding. got that? KIDDING)

I think we should vote for a Poet Laureate of the Cellarnet.