Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says,
"did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim,
"No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says
"Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says,
"Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says,
"Are you the widow O'Hara?"
To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "Shite you aint."

That's great.

That's good stuff right there, yes sir it is!! Most rednecks round these here parts knock would knock on the widow's door and simply say...'your ole man is DRT....(dead right thar)....

I haven't heard that in ages. :D

How about 'DFO'? We use that one a lot when folks call in on our EMS console.
It is used as a general call for 'done fell out' EXAMPLE...I don't know what's wrong with Bertha, she just done and fell out!

Just hope that you never 'dfo' from seeing a 'ufo' :D

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that the couple was having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how the painting depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out,"some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what that painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.



"Because I am the artist who painted the picture," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.";)

:lol:

More Irish Jokes
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYxJ_l6hSzc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H_WSTv_Z48

whiskey has an e in it

Per the Perfect Drink " If it has an "e", it came from the United States or Ireland, No "e" Scotland or Canada. If the name of the country has an "e" in it , so does the whiskey.:greenface

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

very funny

non humorous comment:

yeah.. think about that.

When I was trapping squirrels, the peanutbutter was always still in the trap.... meaning the trapped squirrel knew it was fucked and eating the peanut butter was no longer a priority.

With the moustraps...i noticed that the peanutbutter was always gone. I thought....hmmm....i wonder if the mouse was still clinging to life, and some how stil ate the peanut butter. .....and then one night, I checked the trap and there was a dead mouse, and the peanut butter was all gone.... so I reset the trap, and put it back....and then 20 minutes later heard it spring. this time the peanut butter was stil there, and i came to the grim conclusion that this last mouse i caught had climbed over the dead body of the previous mouse and ate the peanut butter from the previous set. ew.