Ode to Our Food Service
 

This taco meat
It smells like feet
How can I eat
This taco meat?

I doused with salsa
I dumped on cheese
But feet-meat smell
It did not ease.

Don't ask for much
Not then, not now
Only that my taco meat
Smells more like a cow.

a suggestion:

Towards the lake, liquid paradise

A reminder, *all* my suggestions, poetic or otherwise, are worth at least twice what you pay for them; that's why I can offer my double your money back guarantee on all of them.

Dude, it's spontaneous poetry; not mull-it-over-for-24hrs poetry. . . . People say some weird... aggestions.

Yes. And there it is. For the future reading, consideration, reference, etc. Just as you have created a link to the aggestion post you created... more than 24 hours ago, Brianna might want to consider my suggestion in a similar situation.

But as for you, since you're unhappy with my suggestion, please feel free to redeem your 2x money back guarantee. The check's in the mail.

That's what a children says. Your post read and suggestion rendered, does it not change the facts? An adult says no.

I have a suggestion for you, too, Flint. Post *spontaneous* poetry here.

:::spontaneous boot to the head:::

I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.

Oh OK then here it is as a spontaneous Haiku

Rushing stream bumps rocks
A shining twisted ribbon.
Don't build a canal.

A boot to Big's poet head
From Flint. He kicked him!
Spontaneous? Gaping wound.

I know you are reading this poem, your
Legs tucked up under you, curlicued, a baby mouse,
alone on the cottage porch.

Looking for signs of my unhappiness, woven in the words,
like the woven afghan that covers your crooked spine,
anxious heart, those sweet curlicued legs.

There must be some blackened, hopeless message!

I am, after all, your girl.

[quote=monster;444351]I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.QUOTE]

Well said. Seems criticism can only be given not received on his end of the spectrum.


Tables turned.
Alone in the dark.
What have you done.
Created your own destiny.
Alone.

I'm curious, shina. Your sentence is ambiguous. What are you trying to say?

What's that you say?
Dost thou haveth reason for thy query?
Flames frothing over posts or
Ice daggers piercing my heart?
I count the stars and wonder.



:rolleyes:

Just that you get defensive quickly yet are fast to dispense it.

Nuf said. Onward to better pastures of reading young Tonto.

I don't see any of this defensiveness on my part you mention. Perhaps you could provide a citation? And what exactly am I quick to dispense?