Sometimes, just standing still IS moving on. You don't have to do anything but feel it and love yourself no matter what. I can make you one promise, though: you will NOT feel like this forever.
:grouphug:

What she said. In my experience, the way out of your situation is to say "I'm hurting more now than I ever have before - but I WILL get over it with time". Feel it, and let it go.

DidI mention that we, on top of everything else, work together and I have to see her everyday? I still can't believe I did this! I am so freakin pissed at myself. Oh well....

When you see her just remember....you've had that. ;)

Thanks Bruce that makes me feel so much better! I was a total mess yesterday so did something I NEVER do. Got a bottle of Southern Comfort, drank it and passed out around 8:00. Sleep rules. Hangovers suck! Now I really feel like shit emotionally and physically.

I'm going to have to agree with UT, here, yesman. Just start treating her like crap, and you won't be able to run her off.

She isn't your direct subordinate at work, I hope?

No, I'm one of several sales Reps and she's the Administrative Assistant. She really does all the stuff that the bossman needs her to do. Not really parallel to me either though. I must say that if I gotta "treat someone like shit" to be with me then why would I want to be with a shitty person anyway? I just need her to realize this guy is a jerk and move on ---- hopefully with me.

Be sure next time you bang, err make love with her, you swipe her t shirt. That way you can say to yourself:
"Been there, done that, have her t-shirt."

:rimshot:

"Treating her like shit" is a message that she can't take you for granted. That she doesn't have you on the trophy shelf. It's rejection, and people that play that game see it as a defeat.
Right now she's batting .500 which is big leagues. Reject her and she's back to .000, which won't even cut it in the sand-lots. In order to get back to .500 she has to make a choice or have more at-bats. Either way it'll be settled. :smack:

sometimes you can't choose whom u want to love...coz it's the heart that decides. although, i dont disregard that some poeple love someone because there's a WANT factor!

my grandma (stepgrandma actually) married my grandpa, who is 40 years her senior, because she wanted to have a good life...and i tell you, she really took good care of him til his last breath...and she never remarries again...

You know cinderella, that’s cool.
Whenever I hear of a situation like this, then the elder spouse dies and the children attack the surviving spouse, it burns my ass.
Grandpa was 40 years her senior, he knew she would probably survive him by a fair amount. So what? They obviously had a deal…it was between them….it was for their mutual benefit. Everyone else should butt the fuck out!
You seem to have the right attitude...good for you. :thumb:

Advice please
 

I am currently seperated from my wife, we are talking about reconnecting but have not commitedto each other again. I have found myself getting involved with a girl 11 years my junior. She seems to be everything I want in a lover (but we have not had any sexual contact). I am at a crossroaads now, weather to try a new relationship with a girl who in the long run may not be able to communicate with me and have almost no common ground with, or my wife with whom I have allready tryied and failed once. The new girl is much more beautiful (not because of the age) and seems to be much more willing to try to make me happy. WHAT DO I DO :question: any advice is greatly appreciated

have you failed on both relationship levels, sexual and personal, with your wife? If so, I say try with the girl.

greatkaven, what have you got to lose? :)

What Bruce said. You have nothing to lose and probably a lot to gain.

Did I mention that my 'wife' is 7 years my junior and that we have a 1 year old son together and that she is currently preggers again. She left before we knew that she was pregnant again. DO you think this changes anything?

I think you owe it to your wife to let her know what the deal is. If you want to go on a few dates with this even younger woman, I would let your wife and mother of your 2 children know what is going on because your wife is going to be in your life now forever because of your kids - you have got to be honest with her. and then be honest with yourself.

Well I am honest with her, but she has a new boyfriend whom she says she is not in love with but when we found out that she was pregnant again she did confess that they had been sleeping together, up until that time she was telling me that they hadn't had any sexual contact and were just 'friends'./ But since we didn't know how far along she was she didn't know if it was mine or his. (talk about springer shit).

So whose is it? yours or his? If the baby belongs to him you have a long road ahead.... maybe you should give this younger girl a chance after all?

I say try and see what the new girl is all about. If your wife was cheating on you anyway then she failed in that relationship - not you. If she is hookin up with some other guy while pregnant, then there are all kinds of issues involved. That may want you to try again, but in the long run you've gotta follow your heart. If you aren't internally happy then nothing will work. Good luck

Yesman- your right. I was never really happy with the wife, now that I think about it I'm not that upset about gtting a divorce, I will give the younger girl a shot. What have I got to lose. Thank you everone

Just thought I'd post an update to my insanity for you all. Miss Undecided has now left her b/f for good, again, and I have been reduced to a "friend with benefits" which is just fine for me. How many 41 year olds can say they have a 23 yr old ex model callin them for a booty call?!?!? WEll I'm also dating another woman (40) who I used to know from 20 yrs ago. Life marches on whether we like it or not. Me? I'm just along for the ride and havin a good time while I'm still young enough to smile. My new lighter approach to life - thanks to many of you guys & gals - is keepin me busy and happy. Onward

Good for you. :thumb:

I once dated a man who was a fair bit older than me. Actually, the father of my two kids is 13yrs older than me. He's the juvenile though...and that's all I'm saying about that. Back to the other bloke. He was 50 and I was about 28. We were never really serious although when we were dating neither of us was seeing anyone else. I never really wanted anything from him, and I don't think he ever expected anything much from me although I have a feeling that he was a bit more into the relationship than I was. We stayed friends after we stopped dating though but we don't see each other anymore. Sometimes I think the best thing about dating someone where the age difference is greater than usual is that you both 'expect' each other to behave a certain way, so that when it happens, it's not a surprise so things are easier.

An Awakening Experience!
 

It is only my opinion, but I have experienced more relationships defined by this subject than most men I know, and I have had many pleasant experiences. If people think in terms of life long relationships, lasting from say age 20 to into the late 80's, I would agree, one should find a woman maybe 5 years older than the man. This is not the case anymore, and I think we have all been conditioned to focus on only one small part of what would make a heterosexual relationship, a memorable one! Sex is great, and I won't debate that issue, but it's the shortest lasting part of what I consider a great relationship. If a relationship is based on sex alone, it is doomed moreso than if it is based on what I call love. My definition of love is the ability to put someone else, before yourself. To put their needs, their happiness before your own. In such a selfish, self centered society, as we have become, love is just a word, that rings hollow as we see a climbing divorce rate, because people have confused Lust for Love! When the thrill is gone, in the bedroom, they think love is DEAD. They never experienced love in the first place, or they wouldn't be so quick to exit the marriage!

My relationships with the "younger woman" has been most rewarding for not only myself, but for those I have come to know, deeply and with deep understanding that has touched the mind, body and soul. I have enjoyed opening the younger woman's mind, to what she should expect when love has touched her life. Love is a giving thing, not a taking one! I've told them that I don't wish to be selfish and keep them a prisoner to my wants and needs, but that I wish to raise their standards, as to what to look for in a man. If a man should love them, they will know, that his needs many times comes before hers. This is love, not a sex scene that will only be rembered, but never equally repeated. Sex is only one form of communication as one who mature knows there are many. I have never wanted to be selfish and been a woman's diary from 16 to her last writings as she's reached her 80's. I want to be but a chapter in her book, the one she often refers to, the one with the worn pages, that she returns to wishing to relive some of her happiest and most rewarding days of her memories. I would rather be only one chapter in a woman's life, but the best one, than the entire book, that would be boring reading after the Honeymoon is over!
Her youth inspires my actions, inspires my ability to touch places in her mind that have never been discovered. To truely make love to a woman, you must first make love to her mind, and then the physical love will be a culmination of all of her dreams and fantasies you have opened her mind to enjoy. The best things in life are not measured by quantity of time, but by quality of time, and they are not actions mimicked, but the adventure of discovery, each day, a new adventure. If those who would like to cast a verdict on age differences, with the haste of words only Dr. Laura can cast, they are just making wild generalizations. In the Orient, a woman is not taught to love by a teen age boy, but by one of the wiser older men, who is not there to do anything more than to give her the wisdom to indulge in love, the physical, the mental and all of the possiblilities her imagination can gift her with. The Giesha is not revered for her sexual ability alone, that is just a part of her great allure. She is the total woman, and only when a woman can gain wisdom, from a man who may have it, will her self esteem, self worth and total life's achievements have the opportunity to be realized!
I said this is my opinion, but the more I experience life, as I have.. the more I feel this to be true! True and mature love will last in her memories till the day she dies. This will not be from the first young boy that steals her virginity, and runs away... but from the man that shares, cares, and let's her heart fly like a Dove, always in search of what she knows, is true love....

I'm in the opposite situation of this thread's title. I am a younger man, as some of you may know, wanting to be with a woman who is 16 years my senior (she just turned 39 this past month, and I'll be 23 in a few months). She is mature, funny, self-reliant, and her opinions do not sway with the changing of the wind, all of which I love. She wants to be with me but thinks I can't handle the age difference.

Now, my parents have their age difference and it works. They've been married for 6 years now, I think - my mom and my stepdad are who I'm referring to. They are 11 years apart, she is the older one. He is 38 and she is 48.

Have any guys or gals here been it a situation similar to this? The opposite situation of tha parent poster, I mean - so you would have to be the older one if you were female, or the younger one if you were male.

Welcome to the Cellar, Outside The Box. :)
More women have managed to do this than men. The result is a bunch of bitter widows railing at there children when they don't call. You sure have a flowery way of putting notches in your headboard.You sound like my college roommate, you wouldn't be a deciple of Ayn Rand would you?

I thought he was just trying to score.

Hang on, why would you go into a relationship with someone you didn't care enough about to stay with?

In my book that would be the chapter that ended, "and then he dumped me for a younger woman. Great - my most attractive, fertile and baggage-free years wasted on someone who saw me as a chapter!"

Lord knows I love Ayn Rand!~

I am currently in a relationship with a man 11 years my senior - He's mature, laid-back, completely at ease with himself, his kids are grown, his baggage is non-existant, he knows what he wants, when and with whom...
LIFE IS GOOD.
Now that we are together I have to admit that I wonder what I was doing ever dating men my own age.

Learning. ;)

Guys who think like you (Outside the Box) are the problem. I believe there are two ways to learn. 1) Teach the right way to do something and guide me through it. Or 2) show me the wrong way to act, behave or think and and what the consequences of these "incorrect" actions are. You fall into the latter and create distrust, skepticism and doubt for truly sincere individuals. ..... I haven't been posting here long, but I have read, shared and learned a great deal from many caring, wonderful people. Since that was your first post - do us all a favor and make it your last as well. Sorry if this is harsh, but not really. Just my 2 cents....and yes I want my change back!

lumberjim, your profile pic. is coooool...
yup,i agree with you,the probabilities to find your "own personal soulmate" are 0.000... , so if you find a person that feels good then go for it...nobody is perfect!But sometimes it is nice feeling to day-dream of a soulmate existance...it's romantic you know..

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I know I can say that everyday, but this day is different. Yesterday Nic and I ended our relationship for good after 2 1/2 years. I set free the love of my life.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Anonymous

She is the most beautiful and precious woman I have ever met. She touched me in ways that I did not know possible. She gave back to me the ability to hope and to love. She deserves to reap all the beauty and wonder that this world has to offer. She treated me like a king and I treated her like my queen. She was. I will love her always.

Today I am struggling to breathe, to type, to get up and go forward. It has been said that "Time heals all wounds." Well yeah, except for the fatal ones. My heart currently feels as though this is one of them. I am shattered, broken, lost and alone. What I really need is my best friend to help me. Unfortunately, that is Nic also. She cannot come here because she is hurting too and needs to deal with this in her own way. Therefore I have to do this alone. I'll try, I will. Let the pain flow – let the pain go. This is much easier said than done. So far I am failing horribly – I am wallowing in my loss, in my grief, in my pain, in my sorrow and in my despair … in all the negativity there is associated with this. I have to let it go – I have to let her go. How do I do that emotionally?

I feel as though I somehow killed the most precious thing in the world to me. My soul is beaten. I can't stop feeling this guilt & loss. I want to call her and tell her so many things - to make her pain go away - to make it all better for her. I can't do that anymore - she doesn't want me anymore. I still worry about her, I still care, I still want to care for her. That will never stop.

I want to run to her and feel her warmth. Love and console her, feel her console me as only she can. Never again will that happen. Never again. That permanence is huge, so massive and so immense. I am overwhelmed. I feel so alone. She completed me - she gave me reason, she was an integral part of my very being. We fit so well together it scared me at times. A love that burned so brightly couldn't last... Why?

I need to find hope again. I need to focus on me again. I need something to believe in again. I need to start living for me again. I know all this, but I don't WANT it. I have to force it now. Put a fake smile on my face, lie to people when asked and say things are good. I have to breathe, just breathe.

Yesman, let me first say I know the pain you are going through. I have known it several times in my life. I also know to never say "never" coz,my friend, I've said that,too, and watched the love come back. Honest.

Let me also say that you are a highly desirable man from what I know---your personality, your compassion, your loyalty to duty...plus, those awesome pics I was lucky enough to see of you (well, your torso, anyway and may I take this opportunity to say, again, WOW!)

Things that do burn brightly DO seem to break the shade they are in--they tend to collapse from their own heat. Sometimes in life it is much better to just 'glow'.

I am with you in spirit, my friend. My heart knows what your heart is going thru and can only wish you find peace sooner rather than later.

Comfort.

Ah shit, another one bites the dust. I'm sorry to hear it, man.
There are many here, including myself, that know exactly how you feel... and what you will feel for some time.

I know it sounds like bullshit now, but you will feel better in time. No, you will never forget her and possibly always love her. But, you will find yourself thinking of things besides her, more and more often.

Peace brother, we're always here.

The only way I know to get through the pain you are in is to feel it, to acknowledge it and say "Yes, I am hurting now more than I ever have, more than I ever thought I could ... but I will get through this". You will, yesman. But for now you will feel that pain, you must, it is a measure of the joy you shared with Nic.
We're always here.

Good to see you yesman!!:)
Sorry about the the circumstances however. That sucks. I agree with all the above statements and have nothing to contribute outside of what's already been said.

Best of luck to you and hopefully you will be able to be comfortable soon, at least with yourself.
;)

Okay I just found this and I have some advice for you .

ARE YOU AN IDIOT? You are soooo being played here. This seems to be reminiscent of recent times . No?.

DO you think maybe her boyfriend didn't get her presents and is rude to her ....maybe because she's giving him the same bullshit story and he knows she's fucking someone else behind his back?
Fact is she's found someone else now and soon she'll be giving him the same bullshit story about how she's not sure and then she'll be back.

Oh I see this woman back in your life pretty darn soon if she hasn't burnt your dick and her bridges. I bet darn well she hasn't.

Seriously mate are you a sucker for punishment?

Prove me wrong ......I give it three months tops


Sorry if this post comes across harsh but sometimes men need a good kick up the arse!!!!

Sorry you're going through it yesman. But you will get through. Day at a time and it'll get easier. All my best to you.

X Dani

I am hurting now, more than tomorrow - less than yesterday...I will get through this. I know that - my point is that I really don't want to. I don't want to have to deal with all this pain & shit - I want to be happy, I want her to be happy, I wanted "us" to be happy together. I don't want to start all over - I will and I am, I have no choice.
Please do not regard that to devalue the relationship &/or my/our feelings in any way.
*note* That may have come across poorly in "text only."

She is a wonderful person who deserves all the best that life has to offer. I just thought I was a part of that. Realizing that I'm not stings a bit.

Uh lets see - No, No and Yes.

Wow, Thats a lot harsh and without going into too much detail - yes you are wrong. I could prove it a thousand times, but its not necessary. I know in my heart the truth and thats all that matters.

Grateful Dead
Touch of Gray

The shoe is on the hand it fits
There's really nothing much to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit, 'cause
It's all right

Oh well a touch of grey
Kinda suits you anyway,
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right

I will get by, I will get by, I
will get by, I will survive

And here is some for you: read carefully before wading in. Read the whole story. The post you are writing about was written a few years back. The thread had been revived because the relationship just broke down (after 2.5 years, so you were wrong). The man is heartbroken and you're raking up posts he wrote before the relationship got serious and calling him an idiot.





Dave, I'm sorry. I know how nuts you were about her from comments you made in other threads. Do you still work in the same place?

Lies beget lies, no?

Yup - guess they do.

Well ............Okay I've been told . But it's not the information I got from talking to him and chatting privately.
I shall refrain in future when someone wants to talk about thier woes.
thankyou monster I have surely learnt my lesson here. I thank you. Sorry that i saw a pattern here .

And you were probably quite correct about the pattern. But if you'd read the recent posts and noticed the dates you could have maybe avoided rubbing salt in the wound. fortunately, he's a decent guy. But there's no need to be snippy -this is teh internets and you can be as harsh as you want and you won't have to see the tears, so don't stop on my account. You can even join the monster-haters club if you like. I've heard there's a line these days. :p

Lush, I also have some advice......
Monster has stopped me from acting like a complete buffoon on several occasions, and has put a halt to me shoving my foot right in my mouth. Looks like she's doing you a favor at this point.

Don't take offense to it......;)

Hmmmmm well I don't hold grudges or anything like that ............but would you two like to be privy to my conversations with him in future would you like copys of pm's or chat room conversations?? It should save your fingers when it comes to posting about my posts.:D
I can garrentee there were no tears due to what I posted.

Unlikely.

I've never understood the attraction of old guy/young broad. I mean, I totally think that 18 and 19-year-olds are fine as hell. But at 32, there is no fucking way on earth that I'd date one. Hell, I don't think I'd date anyone under 30 at this point.

Not that there's anything wrong with it...hell, I dated a 30-year-old when I was 21. In the end though, neither of us had any business doing that.

Lush: No, I was posting about her post to your post about his post.

Completely different. Do you have a different body part to save for that?
;)

Awwwwwhhhhh now my head hurts:D

See? That's what you get for making my head hurt, and then trying to save my hands.

:)

Touche:D

You too, huh?
Ted Bundy much? :lol:

Its more about attitude for me I think.

I would date a guy 7 years younger (and have), but I act like a dork for my age.

I would date a guy 10 years my senior, if he was young at heart :)

I've also found that guys in their late 30's to early 40's are awesome in bed.