My daughter had broken out on her nose from the sunscreen I had been using on her. I wanted to put a little 'zit creme' on it before she went to bed. She said she didn't want any. Why? "Because I want to look like you mama!"

Ouch.

ouch. Just wait till he's old enough to do "the tiny violin"

My three-year-old said "oh, snap" tonight.
I about busted a gut.

The other day my daughter said "Oh, cricket". Dunno where it came from, but we immediately adapted it and it became the phrase of choice for our houshold immediately.

Being the Beastie Boys fans that we are, we taught Inchling to refer to cold weather as "chilly most."

Tonight we are having our usual friday bachelor pizza fest with much frivolity, juice, wine, and Thomas the tank engine.

Also we get to do "guy things" like the perennial favorite "pull my finger"

I offer my finger and invite the inch to pull it. After the report, which was hilarious- trust me, inchling looks up at me and says
"That was funny most"

What can I expect the future to bring?

That sounds like Fridays at my house too :D

Yea! I work at Panera Bread!

When I was in first grade we were playing a rhyming game...we were using words ending in -uck
and yes when it came my turn I use f-uck...all the kids laughed but I didn't know it was a bad word...I might not have even heard it before. My mom laughed when I told her later that day.

My mom had my hair cut super short once, like a boy's, and when my sibs got home one of them (cant remember which) asked who the boy was.

Ohhh man, Pantera pwnz.

...
Oh wait, you said Panera.

Panera pwnz too! atleast my store does

My second cousin (5), Moose, told me that he was gonna marry his mother's sister. It took me ten minutes to explain to him that his mother's sister was aunt K or aunt V. After he understood, he said he wanted to marry someone like his mother then. I didn't know how to respond, his mother married an abusive man, neglected Moose and his sibs, did/does drugs, almost gave them up for adoption, it took her 3 kids to figure out birth control, dropped outta HS...the list goes on. One day he'll understand, or maybe she'll clean up her act by then, in the mean time his Nanny (my Aunt) and his Aunt K are practically raising them. I love Moose and his sibs. His bro, Bay, will sit in your lap for hours if you let him, and his sis Al told me my name was Melissa...so true. Also Moose has developed a new habit of whispering to you. At his birthday party he ran around the room and whispered in everyone's ear "Thank you for the present"

Inch and SWMBO were at the grocery store today and he stared at the chicken going around the rotissery for a while then pointed at them and shouted at the top of his lungs:
"MOM! THAT CHICKEN HAS A PENIS."
"umm, that's actually its tail."
"AND IT HAS A MOUTH TOO."

"A mouse is a kind of tiny, itsy-bitsy, creature that you give cheese to it."

FYI

Lil' Pete farted. Pete says, "That was musical." Lil' Griff replies, "Lets play musical chairs!"

Pete says, "I'm feeling flakey today." Lil' Pete says, "Yeah me too." Lil Griff says, "My scalp is flakey."

haha. how old is lil Griff?

My three-year-old says, as he is closing the door to our van, after trying to lock down my wheel-chair by himself; my wife trying to keep him from breaking all of his fingers...
"I can do things all by myself in this big crazy-crazy world MOM!".
*Very exasperated sigh & rolling of the eyes*


My wife messed-up and cursed with "oh, Hell" where he could hear recently... he misheard her and now his favorite exclamation is "oh, hound!"

Last weekend my daughter (almost 4) went to a freinds birthday party. Unfortunately it was from 1-3, prime nap time. She obviously needed one when I picked her up. She fell asleep in the car on the way home, and unfortunately woke up in a very foul mood when I tried to carry her to her bed. I put her in bed and told her she needed to take a nap, wherupon she threw a fit. I closed the door and left to get her stuff out of the car.
When I come back in the house my husband informs me I was told to "get my ass back in her room and get her some food!"

Good thing I didn't hear her or she still wouldn't be sitting down.

that's why we use "hinder" around here.
;)

10

Several years back I attended a Boy Scout campout with my son's troop. My younger son was about 12 and I guess I never realized how well we had kept the illusion of Santa Claus delivering presents alive for him. He and another kid were bunking in the tent next to mine, and I overheard them talking after "lights out" was called. They were talking about people they thought were important or heros. The other boy who was black, said his hero was President Kennedy. My son said his hero was Santa Claus because he gave away so many presents.

The other kid said, "I don't believe in Santa anymore."
My son replied, " I know there has to be a Santa because my parents are too cheap to give us the kind of gifts we get at Christmas!"

I almost died laughing to myself.

While we were praying during thanksgiving, my stupid baby cousin kept on saying "cheese!". :neutral:

Rest assured, Jesus will punish him for it.

?

for saying *cheese* during the prayers...c'mon footiefoot keep up!!

Just harassing Gamegirl about her complaining, that's all. :)

I forgot about this one, from April or so. My memory was jogged by another conversation.

The Scene: the emergency room waiting area at a local hospital. During little league play, my son, 7, decided he needed to ask the coach something so he got up to go ask. He passed by the on-deck circle at just the wrong time and got clocked beside his right eye with a bat. It was immediately apparent that he would need stitches, so we got a bandage on him from the first aid kit and I drove him over to the hospital.

By this time he had calmed down and I was doing my best to keep him from freaking out at the thought of stitches ("They're gonna sew my skin?????")

"Dad, did you ever get hit with a baseball bat?"

"No, never did."

"Get hit with a ball?"

"No, I didn't, I didn't play baseball."

"Oh. <pause> Had they not invented baseball when you were a boy?"

At this point all the other folks in the waiting room were enjoying this quite a bit as I provided the boy with some much-needed historical context.

reminds me of my favorite Calvin:
Calvin: "Dad, why are old photographs black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?"
Dad: "Of course they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just that the WORLD was black and white then.
Calvin:"Really?"
Dad: "Yeah, the world didn't turn color until sometime in the '30s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
Calvin:"Oh."
Dad: "Well, truth is stranger than fiction."
Calvin: "THEN WHY ARE OLD PAINTINGS in color? If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted that way?"
Dad: "Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane."
Calvin: "BUT... but how could they possibly have painted in color? Wouldn't their paints have been in shades of gray back then?"
Dad: "Of course, but they changed color like everything else in the '30s.
Calvin: "So why didn't black and white photos turn color too?"
Dad: "Because they were color photographs of black and white, remember?"

my son, at the age of 7 : dad, whats the difference between a catholic and a prostitute?

me : not a lot, son.

You should have shown him "Every Sperm is Sacred."

LOL ! he's now 21 and a huge fan of Monty Python. Maybe I'm not such a crap parent after all. :cool:

The Meaning of Life is already under the tree for SonofV. It's gonna be good.

Shopping with my Dad at the weekend at a second hand video/ DVD stall.

Dad - I want to see if they have Life of Brian
Me - Well they have Monty Python and the Holy Grail...
Dad - That's not Life of Brian
Me - No, it's the Holy Grail

We both looked at eachother blankly.

I meant if they had one they might have the other - and I wondered if he'd misheard me. My Dad probably just thought he was having a "Funny/ Embarrassing Things They Say" moment.

Speaking as a protestant, I highly recommend the exposition on protestant sexual practices. It's often lost in the shuffle after the showstopping "Every Sperm."

Several times while watching Thomas the Tank engine, inch has ordered me out of the room while a particular episode is playing. He gets very agitated and is emphatic about me going away. It is the episode with a big elephant being carted around. I am going to watch it later and see what it's about.

Very odd. All the others he doesn't mind me being around, and the one where Fergus has to go to the smelter, gets him scared and he insists that I stand by.

It's my own personal WTF?

we went to the mountains this weekend. we had the radio on with some old-fashioned country christmas music on, and while driving up the fog-covered mountainside, we could see only fog and a smidgen of road. after a few miles, my 6 yr old asked 'mom, are we in heaven?'

MiniQ also called my cell phone today and left this message:

"Mom, brother went somewhere 'ribout' (that's how he says 'without') asking.
OK.
Bye."

My daughter has taught him well.

If you were in the Great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina, I can understand how the kid could get confused that way.

we were, it was cute tho.

My son found a piece of paper on top of a pile of stuff. It was obviously an important financial document. It had his name on it. And it had an amonut of money in excess of $500. He came to the conclusion that it was a check for him and came tearing upstairs to show it to Mrs. Dallas.

I can only imagine how crestfallen he was when she explained to him that it was not a check, but a receipt for his daycare expenses.

(We're de-cluttering the house, and all kinds of old records are surfacing. "Do we need to keep the tax return from 1993?")

Did you ever find out?

The other day, My 6yo daughter told me that she was crazy on the inside, but cute on the outside.

Like father, like daughter.

My daughter (2) has a very unhelpful set of responses when she hurts her self and we ask her where she hurts:

Over there ---> *points to floor*
or
In the kitchen.
or
At the door.

Sometimes she's stopped crying before we figure out what the problem is.

Maybe it's your decor?

:eek2:

I've watched it and have no clue. Who knows what is going on in his head?

but she burps like her mother!

Have you asked him? Maybe when he's not watching it, bring it up. Now I've got to know...

Fell down "over there"
Bonked her head on the counter "in the kitchen"
Pinched her finger "At the door."
Two year olds move fast, you've got to move faster. :)

oh mum! you look as camp as a butcher's dog!

Yeah, we have them all and I watched it... I could not get a clue at all. I have a three year old also, so I thought I may gain some insight because I spend some time interpreting... but, alas, no.
Perhaps it's code for something.

A kid in my kindergarten class today was trying to draw a lady stick figure. He made it pretty tall and disfigured then turned to me and said "She's tall for a lady, that's because she's really a man!"

"Is that a man or a woman?"

--Young Master Dallas, watching the Artiste Formerly Known as Prince at the Superbowl halftime show.

Dude looks like a lady?

I just want to know what those bunny ear things on his head were

That was the best fuckin' show, but the worst fuckin' hair!

My sister asked the same of David Bowie in labyrinth. Actually, it was 'whos dat lady mommy?'

My 14 yr old is big-time grounded (don't ask), but there was an all-girl party/sleepover coming up last weekend, and we were talking in the kitchen about the conditions under which she could go. I told her facetiously that despite the fact that she is grounded, it would be nice to be rid of her for a night so I could have some peace and quiet.

Two minutes later, my 11 yr old son is on the phone talking to his friend's dad asking if he can come over to their house to play. He says, "can I come over? My mom wants to get rid of me!" I was sooo embarrassed!

NAAPID in school tomorrow. Each class is studying a "lesser-known" African American person in history for a presentation to the rest of the school. We asked our kindergartner who his class was studying, to which the reply was "all of them"!



(Nation African American Parent Involvement Day)

I asked Thor to pass me a beer from the fridge (well that's why we have them isn't it?). He brought me an apple.

Hah, think that's a sign?

Could be....

Today beest was helping Thor with his science fair project -Metal or Not Metal. It involves testing things with a metal detector. (Well he is still in Kindergarten). So he was preparing a list of things to test and predicting the outcomes. After a few testing sessions, he's getting an idea of what is metal and what isn't, so all of things he was choosing to test were things he thought would be metal (so exciting to hear the "beep"). Beest was making a few non-metal suggestions. They had just shovelled the snow, so one suggestion was sidewalk. Thor did not want to test the sidewalk. Why not? Because some of it is metal and some isn't. Expecting some keen observation about water shut-off access points and the like beest asked "Which parts do you think are metal?" "The robot bits"

....


....



....


Sidewalks


.....


Cyborgs


:smack:

He scares me. He's the only one of us who could be the president of the United States. Let's hope he decides he want to be a lumberjack or something.....

:kneeslapping:

At Labrat's suggestion I waited for an opportune time and asked him. He said it was because they were having a party. (Fair enough, he has a reason.) "The party isn't for you," he continued. "The party is just for me."

So the movie and the party are just for him.