Hey Monster just thinking about ya buddy :(

I thought I had mentioned it before but I can't find it....

Next door neighbor was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (never smoked in her life) at christmas. She died this morning.

The person who lived in our house before us (a former Michigan football player, then cop) also died from lung cancer never having smoked. At the time, they blamed it on Radon in the cop corner of city hall and passive smoke from all the other cops

Color me not so sure....

Our houses were built on farmland though, not industrial reclaimed land, so it couldn't be industrial toxins.

Beest bought a radon test kit, but I have no idea where he put it. and maybe I don't want to know. The house came back negative for radon when we bought it. :/

The hits keep coming...
Maybe pick up another radon test?
I think some of the older classes of herbicides and pesticides were connected to lung cancer at least among the people who applied them. I don't know it they would persist if someone was dumping excess.

It's worth it to get the kit. I know there's no extra emotional energy to care about stuff these days, but it's better to know.

You might want to get your water tested as well. Could be contaminants.

or move before getting anything tested so I have nothing to disclose.....

(We're on City water not well, water is fine. Unlike in poor Flint.)

There's a thought.

Wow Im so sorry monster :(

Hey dudes, How cool is this? His local paintball field, Hell Survivors, just opened a new area and they named part of it for him....

(It should be public, but you'll have to have a facebook account to see it, I think)

https://www.facebook.com/HellSurvivo...8168025274016/

Wow! I love it.

Fortunately you don't need an account to see that cool clip, go see it. :thumb:

Today (May 20th) would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. Before we knew it was over, I had decided it was the "Clock" anniversary (I've been making them up since the traditional ones for every year run out at 15, and we both like clocks). Once the chemo had to be stopped and we knew it was game over, he added owning a nixie tube clock to his bucket list. So I got him one and he loved watching it. :) And it's silver-colored, so that's next year taken care of too..... ;)

There is no point to this post. I'm just really sad and I miss him.

No need to apologize. It’s a lovely story and worth sharing. Besides, telling personal stories is one of the great pleasures of life.

I got him a bottle of bleach for our 17th :D

(17 is the atomic number of chlorine)

Shared stories is the only immortality we have as individuals.


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Don't need a point, it's just one of those thousands of thoughts and memories that come to mind, with damn few social situations where it's appropriate or comfortable to express them.
That's what this thread has been about from the start and will continue to be available for you to add and/or revue.

That's a nice gesture by his friends. Thanks for sharing it with us monster.

That was cool.

You folks are too clever.

I feel bad for monster http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

Ooof. Cry.

I love that he has been immortalized. I hope I can go see that sign one day. I hope one day I'll have mattered that much to someone.

I hope, one day after I'm gone, that someone realizes I meant that much to them, and they feel guilty as shit for the rest of their miserable lives.:jig:

Come and visit :) Let me take you to Hell :lol:

At least she's honest about her intentions.

:drummer:

~John Wayne

:devil:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/danzig/..._20036151.html

..... about to see your light
And if you wanna find hell with me
I can show you what it's like
..
Monster......

:devil:

Damn, now that song gonna be Monster instead of Mother for, well, for fucking ever, prolly.

:lol2:

Not having a great time at the moment. Some nice friends, wonderful people posted this on facebook, and I just wanted to add "don't get cancer" :(

(names changed to protect the innocent)

I am happy for them... but I'm so unhappy for me. I want my buddy back. I told him it was ok to go, but I lied.

Facebook is hell on anyone grieving for any reason. The only way I found to stop that constant salt-in-the-wound feeling was to quit completely.

Monster, I think I've felt your grief vicariously more than I ever have before when people lose people.

I was really really sad when we lost briana. I was maybe even more sad when Sundae died. But with them, it was my own loss. I guess it's because i feel like you and i are very similar.

I wanted to say thank you for sharing this shitty part of your life with me. Sounds weird, i know. But.... Well, i guess you probably get what I'm saying.

I love you, and I'm so sorry you lost your buddy.

Fuck
I need to blow my nose

You told Beest it was OK to go because that's what he needed to hear to make it easier for him. You love him, and you were bound to say exactly that. We are the people to hear that it was not ok, not at all. I so hope that sharing here in teh Cellar helps you to let off steam, eases the pressure of that immense yell of grief a little, even if only for a moment.

thanks, guys :) I can say things to you that I can't say to my here friends. Mostly because there's no danger of you trying to hug me :D

:grouphug:

Only lame attempts like this.

Facebook and social media in general can be dangerous waters emotionally speaking. The same way radios seem only to play poignant songs when you're grieving.

It was a good lie you told him, Mon.

I like that you come here and offload. There's fuck all else we can do to help, but this we got.

...the hell? I could see just fine a minute ago.:sniff:

It's dusty here too.

Ya know, Facebook saved me when I was holed up alone with a dying man for 48 hours. I created a tiny group of close friends who know what the fuck was going on and I was not so alone, I could yatter away in the middle of the night and if none of them were there at that precise moment, they were soon. But I didn't have to have them come to the house or talk on the phone.

But I'm also perfectly capable of avoiding it if I want to. However, I believe that hiding away from other people's happiness is not necessarily a healthy approach. I prefer the approach of admitting when it's a little hard to swallow and stepping away. And maybe using a place where they will never see it so it can't hurt them for a little cathartic ranting.

MMMMkay?

Cathartic ranting is cathartic, mmkay?

Rant away, girl.

These uses of social media are a true,valuable and hidden benefit of a much maligned feature of modern life.
Spill what you want to spill here, Monster. We gotcher.


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Crying tonight. This is how I feel all the time. the stupidest things.

It's senior night for Thor for Water Polo and Marching Band his week. These aren't even making me cry yet. I know beest so wanted to see him through high school and wanted to be there. It was so against the odds by two years but he fought like hell to try and make it. But he isn't here when I want to discuss the best way to change from incandescent to LED bulbs in the bathrooms and he isn't here to do lunches when I'm pooped, or to meet with Thunderboy's new therapist... he doesn't walk in to the bleachers in his work clothes just in time to catch the start of the Friday night game in local Water Polo tournaments.......

he just isn't here and so much of me depended on that, I've found....

I'm contemplating printing and taking a life-sized cut-out of beest to the senior nights ..... but not really. The Spanish Inquisition at the "goodbye" used my lifetime quota of irreverence.....

sorry, buddy

ah shit

:comfort:

I got nothing.

Blurry eyes, I got blurry eyes.

...fine just a minute ago.

Hon, nothing to offer but kind thoughts and a virtual hug *hug*

x dani

I'm sorry, monster. And sorry for the kiddos, too.

Same sentiment as everyone else, sorry monster.

Ahhhhhhhh Im so sorry buddy....... I cry alot also and people make fun of me,dont think im real because I cry and I admit it when I do.......



Peace and love to you http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

I honestly wish I could say it will get better with time but I believe that's bullshit. The tears may slow with time, but experience tells me the hollow won't go away. :(

Older Sibs walked with me at Senior night :) Might have to do band alone, but I can do it.

You can.

It'll suck. You can still do it.

Damn right you can.

Being strong sucks a lot most of the time.

Good on them.

You're raising good kids.

Yesterday was a normal Friday. I finished work before most people even started, I went to pick up my friend, we went to the gym and then to lunch. sometimes we go to nice restaurants, sometimes, we don't. We went to Red Robin. The usual 80s upbeat pop crap was playing, we were about to leave, she went to the bathroom, and while she was gone a slower song came on. One from our wedding. I was blindsided. My friend came back to find me bawling my heart out in the lobby. This shit is never going to get easier. Who expects red Robin to play this:

He did let me go :(

I thought sharing this here would help, but now I'm crying again. But I can't stop the song in the middle.

Someday happy memories will bring smiles, maybe sad smiles, but smiles. Nobody knows how long that will be and you can't force or fake it, got to happen on its own.

Crying isn't necessarily a bad thing. It hurts, but it proves the love is still there, too.