Ach damn, V.

That is never fun. What happened?

Difficulty breathing, cold to the touch, not moving.

SonofV called the medics, BelovedDaughter called me. ER to inpatient, overnight minimum, unknown how much longer. On a BPAP machine (?) O2 sat was 33, desired number is 90 or more.

Wishing you and your family strength for the difficult time ahead. X

Sent by thought transference

Was she on oxygen at home with that little nose tube?

Damn sorry V. Thoughts and prayers for you all.

I'm so sorry, BigV. As Limey said, wishing you and your family strength.

I'm sorry, V. Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

So sorry V.

Sorry V.

I'm sorry for your loss V.

As for the eulogy - if that's still relevant - try to remember endearing moments that would be characteristic of the person. IME in funerals that tends to shift people's focus from the social engagement/commitment level to their own personal stories, which actually improves the social engagement into a sense of togetherness - everyone feels affirmed about their loss and gain a sense that others are in the same boat.

Well, damn.

My kids spent the day with their mother watching the football game. An hour ago they were summoned to the hospital. Their mom has been revieving hospice care for about a month now. Tonight, she's in the hospital, in an oxygen tent. I've made my availability to be at the hospital known to my kids, but so far, I'm just on standby.

I'll be sleeping with one eye open though.

Damn, V. This was inevitable, but still its awful. Kids shouldn't lose their parents at that young an age. Thinking of you .... and them.

So sorry the kids are going through this, and you with them, V.

Thankfully the kids are adults. It doesn't make it easier for them, but they do have better coping skills than dependent child. There's no good time to lose a parent or friend. :(

Not great timing either... probably pretty distracted on your first day at the new gig. You should probably let your new boss in on it. BE strong... because that's all you can do.

Thank you, each and all, my friends. You're one of my greatest blessings. Thank you.

Holy crabcakes, batman. THIS.

Yeah, very not good timing. As a matter of fact, when it became clear that she was not going to die the night before I started this new job, I finally definitely decided that I would be going into work, on our agreed upon first day. I know, me, me, me, me, etc. True, true enough. But I seriously contemplated having to call my soon-to-be-new boss and tell him why I wasn't showing up. *That* line of thinking was not as bad as the actual reality of the rest of the situation here, but it was bad enough. As it turns out, I did tell him today about my situation and he was receptive. Still.

Now I have a minute to give you all some details. Tink and our three kids had spent Sunday watching the Seahawks piss away another fourth quarter lead, then the kids all went home. Sometime around bedtime, I got a text from SonofV that he wouldn't be home because they were all going to the hospital, right now. No calls or texts to any of them were answered for a couple hours, a couple stress filled hours for me. Finally, he phoned me and gave me the details. She was having a lot of trouble breathing, very phlegm-y, and she's not strong enough to cough, so she couldn't get enough air. Like.. you know, drowning. Horrible. Her husband, F, called 911 and she was transported to the hospital. By the time the kids saw her (for the second time that day) she was blue, she "looked like a zombie from The Walking Dead." I don't think SonofV was just cracking wise, this isn't comic material.

An oxygen tent, and a different (more powerful?) APAP/CPAP somethingsomething machine, not a ventilator, was fitted and pumping 100% O2 into her. This eventually helped enough that she could sit up. The kids all stayed until very late at night, none of my messages were returned and I was surprised to see them back at the house when I was up at 8 am. They'd gotten home about 5 hours earlier, and straight to sleep, so they could take the day watch from their sister.

So now, the question is how to give her the best possible treatment, and where, home or hospital. *I* am not part of that decision making process/group, and that's ok with me. Of course I feel saddened by her situation, and I'm interested and motivated to do all I can to support my kids and my the other members of my family of choice. I'm still close to her sisters and their husbands and my former nephews and nieces. They're losing family too.

As of now, she's still in the hospital, I've completed my first day of work on my new job in a new home in a new county and new area code. I'm *much* farther away from the center of the action and my ability to respond, physically is much more complicated (job and distance). Still I know that I've done my best to help them all prepare for what they're going through. We all know it will get worse before it gets better. It's grim, it's stressful.

Rambling, I'm just rambling.

Thanks again my friends. You all form a major part of *my* support network. I sincerely appreciate that.

Sorry man.

My thoughts are with you V as you do the best for your family in their time of trouble. X

Sent by thought transference

Our prayers are with you and your family.

Thanks for filling us in, BigV. Good luck getting through this time. You can do it.

So I'm assuming you're in Canada, at a reasonably doable, but time consuming, travel distance. That may be a blessing in disguise, making you available, but not it the center of the turmoil. You can stay in touch and informed through the kids, but not so close you feel you should be doing 'something-but-what'.
Hopefully, being in a "they also serve who only stand and wait" situation, will help you concentrate on the new job a little easier. Whatever the case, we know it's not easy, and wish you well.

County, not country

nevermind.:o No wait, what I said still applies.

Thanks for this reference, I had never heard it before and it was a nice poem to look up.

V, I hope things get easier soon. Being emotionally close to your kids is more important than physically close. They know you're there for them, and that's what matters.

Tink died today at 2:40. All our kids were there, her husband, and other close family. Very wrenching, everyone is exhausted.

I'm composing this on the phone, so I can't really expand easily. Plus, I am pretty wrung out myself. I'll post more later.

Condolences. :(

Rest up when you can.

Sorry to hear of this.

I'm sorry, bigv.

Sorry man, you did all you could for her, time to concentrate on the kids and the job.

Ah V, I'm so sorry.

Goodbye, Tink

Sorry V.

Sorry V.

All my love to you and yours, V.

When my father in law died last Fall, it was very wrenching for us too, but then over the next few days, it was better. Like a weight had been lifted. No more visits to see someone who was in agony. He wasn't in agony any longer. He was a peace, and so were we.

I hope that you and your family will soon find the peace as well.

Sorry Big V. My thoughts are with you, your family and Tink's family. She is at peace now.


Sent by thought transference

Best wishes for you and your kids, V.

My condolences, V.

Ah, shit, man.:sniff:

I'm so very sorry for your loss, V. Please extend my condolences to your kids, and the rest of the family.

:blackr:

Sorry, BigV. I hope her passing was painless and that you all may find peace knowing she is no longer struggling. Give the LittleV's a hug from me.

Sorry V and Vlets

Sorry V. Tough times.

...Vlets...

:D

Tink's service is next Saturday. I've spent much of this weekend combing through physical photo albums, selecting pictures for a slideshow. I'm not making the slideshow, I'm just gathering material for BD who is (I'm guessing) the lead person on the slideshow. I've found a couple dozen nice pictures, some of which the kids are probably not familiar with, pictures from when they were very young, or before their time entirely.

Funny, I feel like I am straddling the divide between two worlds, photographically. I have *lots* of old pictures, ones I've taken or ones bequeathed to me, physical prints. And I have *lots and lots* of digital pictures, only a minute fraction of which have any physical presence beyond some electromagnetic apparition, nothing physically recognizable I could hold in my hand. And both sets have importance. Melding them is gonna be a Project.

Just learning about this hard journey you and your family are enduring, V. Sending condolences and thoughts for comfort and continued strength.

Warch! Missed you muchly. http://cellar.org/2015/willy_nilly.gif

Thank you warch.

Like xoB, I'm glad to see you again. The service is tomorrow and I think it's gonna be hard. There's a finality to funerals and services and burials. That's partly the point, right? But I must say that I have found myself surprised by the strength of my emotional reactions to any number of otherwise completely innocuous situations. A song on the radio, a picture, a flower, a shirt, just any trigger for my memories. Some of them have been quite piercing.

BD phoned me yesterday and we talked for an hour about her mom. She wanted to know things about her mom before her time. She's putting together her own eulogy. Very very proud of her, that is a big deal. Anyhow, she sounds OK, I haven't been able to get much from my sons though. That's kinda normal, but this isn't a normal situation. Of course I'll see them tomorrow.

I've made a note to my self, get a six pack of those little packs of tissues. There will be tears.

Maybe I'll make that I twelve pack....

This goddamn thread makes me cry.

Feeling for you, V.






:blackr:

The love you had for Tink did not just stop when the marriage died. Love is immutable. The fact that the marriage did fail and that she severed contact with you left you in an outside looking in position where closure is nearly impossible for you.

Part of these services... Maybe most of them is for the people close to the departed to close that chapter. I imagine that you have a lot of unsaid things backed up in your brain.... I reckon that's why you wanted to eulogize her.... But she didn't want that, and you have enough sense not to push it.

Would it help you to do a private you tube eulogy for her and share it with us? Would that help to give you some modicum of closure?

Three years today.

I'm not maudlin, not unrealistically wishing for things to be different. I am sad. I am thinking about Tink, and thinking about my kids, and thinking about how I feel about my parents who've died, and thinking about how my kids feel.

Just sad. Normal, appropriate sad.

Short conversations with my kids today, txting, like whippersnappers do. But to the extent that I can perceive their meaning and emotion, it was real. I love them, they love me, Tink loved them, they know it.

I reread this whole fucking thread, it hurt. Lots of love for me from all of you. I am *so* thankful. Thank. You.

shoutout to Clodfobble (I ain't goin back now for the quote button)... I am emotionally close to my kids and they know it. This is me takin another fucking VICTORY LAP AROUND THE SUN on that particular race. So thanks for pointing that out to me.

:beer:

Cheers bro.

Oh man. :sniff:

You and your family are in our hearts, V. Hang in there.

My relationship with time gets looser, the older I get. So many things that feel like yesterday were two decades ago, and so many things that feel like a million years off were just three.

You're welcome for the reminder at the time, and thanks to you for the reminder now that I can sometimes help some folks feel better about some things. Haven't been super successful in that department recently--but we help each other, and it all comes back around. :thumbsup:

I read this post a few days ago. I haven't been logging on too much the past year or two. When I read your post I went through Tinks old posts to remember her. In the end, for those of us who spent time here, our posts are our memorials. Presidents get libraries. We get a few megabytes of storage.

When I go, if the Cellar is still here, maybe my memorial page will have a link to my old posts.