Slip the groom some Viagra and by the time she gets back from her honeymoon she'll have forgotten the cake. ;)

Back to the spirit of the OP, on the "if you can't beat them join them" line of thought...

I've taken a jug of milk from the office fridge today. Smuggled it out passed security cameras in my bag. Right now there's some hard earned municipality taxes at work... In my coffee. It's the same brand I usually buy, but in a weird way, it kind of tastes better.

(What? I didn't have time for grocery shopping)

DICK

PUSSY.

(I am not sure what is happening so I am just going to assume that was a demand. BTW, When I was going through my "choose an anglo saxon name that english speakers can easily pronounce" phase, I would have probably gone with Richard if it wasn't commonly shortened to Dick. So you know, Dick could have been my name if dick wasn't the name of the name I was considering).

adjective

No, I was calling you a Dick. That's a Dick move.

Put that Milk back.

Pfft, let bygones be bygones, don't live in the past.

Plus... I've forgiven myself. So there.

Usually the choice is between forgiving yourself or not, as what's done is done.
Rarely do you have a choice between rectifying the deed, or forgiving yourself, as in this case.
Choosing to forgive yourself, in this case, shows no remorse and borders on bragging. :eyebrow:

some other person went to the trouble of purchasing and physically bringing that milk into your workplace for consumption. Even if your employer paid for it, and you have no regard for theft from them, it deprives the person who bought it the use of it when next they work. Being glib about it furthers my point. I shall say DICK to you again if you do not appease me.

DICK!

That is a firing offense.

You've risked your livelihood over a half-gallon of milk.

You think you've gotten away with it, but, you could still be fired in the future for this act.

Over what? Three dollars?

I'll stop short of calling you a dick, but it was fairly uncool.

It's a municipality. Some person got a list of orders from logistics from a rough estimation of how much mix is consumed and placed it on a truck, among dozens of jars. Some other person then went around to distribute the goods throughout each floor's kitchen. Many such jars persist to reside in those fridges. In a few days some other person is going to take inventory to see what is still around and what is needed more of and how much, maybe if he is the curious type he is going to wonder if there was some big meeting that increased coffee consumption, and still do nothing about it. He will more likely want to get the job done as fast as possible and write down the inventory items so he can get to his break.

Ofcourse many people have paid dearly to finance the system, through taxes. Which means that I have stolen from thousands of people an amount that we don't have a currency small enough to account for.

So... No. I have no remorse for it - many other things in my life that I do. But they tend towards a more direct effect on sentient beings that can experience things. An insignificant trickling and potentially negative economical impacts has no trigger for empathy. This feels more of a hand-in-the-cookie-jar situation, and that's what most people wanted the thread to be instead of instances of actual guilt, so I went with it.

As far as getting fired for it goes, beyond the problem that I manage all the security cameras as part of the job and not a single cam or person saw me, I am my boss's go to guy. The only person he feels understands the delicate system required for operation of our job and knows how to maneuver it other then him. If confronted on the matter, I probably would feel guilty on dishonesty, and arguably it is there anyway by lie of omission, but dishonesty is kind of an essential part of the job. Other then that, This job is as secure to my ass as I am willing to sit still... Which is questionable in itself, but good enough for now.

tldr: yes, dick.

Hahahaha. Oh dear, poor Trace.

T: I may have killed people who were just fleeing...
C: We understand and we don't thnk you should beat yourself up over it.

T: I stole a jug of coffee nobody will ever miss
C: You're a dick and we despise you


;p

T: I did what I was supposed to do and people got destroyed. I'm terribly sorry and full of remorse.

C: We understand and we don't thnk you should beat yourself up over it.



T: I did something wrong for selfish reasons and I'm not remotely sorry.

C: You're a dick and we despise you

Heh. I know, I know. I was being facetious.

I don't despise him. I could give a shit, really.

It's jars of previously dry milk?

take them all

My opinion of Traceur is lessened a little bit. It's still fairly high though.

I'm sure that'll keep him up at night.[sarcasm]:D

Thievery is one of my many triggers. I just can't abide it.

:2cents:

Same for me, just can't abide a thief.

Where did you get those 2 cents? :eyebrow:

Then you can't abide me, because I have stolen at times. Generally when trying to live on fuck all during periods of unemployment.

Your penance is to post in the NSFW thread.

Oh yeah, you already did.

You're forgiven.

The thief can be forgiven.

Also, I never said I've never stolen.

Back about a hundred years ago, I stole a radar detector from a car in my neighborhood. I hated doing it, while I was doing it, but, as Dana indicated, shit's gotta come from somewhere, and I needed money, so, I stole and sold it.

A few years later I was in a better place, so I saved a couple bucks, and bought dude a new radar detector, and left it on his seat.

I still feel bad about it, when I think of it.

I got those two the old fashioned way...I earned them.

Actually, I fell ass-backward over those two, but, I was earning some others when I did, so, it evens out.

:D

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...98/489/2f7.png

Not sure if the ITAK's clause is gradually becoming applicable.

What do I want to confess, man how long have you got, when I was young I was a complete fucker, drinking, drugs, thieving you name it I'd done it.
The scary thing is I still feel upset and remorse for things that happened 20/30 years ago, kinda like when you're having a nice memory about something the big bad conscience creeps up and replaces the nice time memory with a big bad one from around a similar time,(does that every happen to any one else in Cellar land?)
Mr conscience appears and says" you think that was nice yea what about when you did this you bastard" and the nice memory fades out like Scooby doo ending to replace with the thing that happened that makes you squirm at the thought...
Yup Mothers and the Catholic church have a lot to be guilty for, (as well as me)

I killed a man intentionally, and it fucked me up. that's all I'm going to say on that subject.

I choose to believe he deserved it.

Have you forgiven yourself for these 'bad things'?

Very important, y'know.

:)

I was wrong on the internet once

I didn't tell you about it. That once. I find it hard to live with myself...

It's a Sunday morning and I did a Gravdigr (repeat offender).

I'm not sorry about your threads.

I've not only forgiven myself, I blame you for creating the Cellar culture that spawned this behavior.

Chatty Cathy Syndrome, say no more.

(oxymoron intended)

I've begun what I hope is a history-making prank on my neighbor. It won't be funny. Not at all. But, if it works, and I stay out of jail...I'm gonna laaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhh and laugh.

You can't just say something like this and leave it at that, that's cruel. Details man, details!

Trac, the man is trying to stay out of jail.
You'll have to have a decoder ring to find out the details, and even then he might have to kill you after.

Just for the record, Grav - is that the kitty-hating neighbour?

...He wasn't kidding about the jail part?

OK. Now I am more curious about this and more understanding towards not sharing information about this. Damn it. Good luck anyway.

I'm also dying of curiosity. Will you ever be able to tell us, grav?

No ma'am. This is the Monte-Carlo-with-the-loud-ass-exhaust-pipes-that-starts-up-every-morning-thirty-feet-from-my-head-at-six-thirty-am-owning-neighbor.

The car in question has not made a sound since I may or may not have done what I may or may not have done.

PMs to you curious cats in a day or two.

I sure hope Karma is busy with something else right about now.;)

I hope whatever may or may not have been done was subtle and untraceable.

It was (I think/hope). And no damage was done. But, he may think otherwise.

Not a good neighbor move, I know, but, I'm pretty sure that boat has sailed, anyway.

The old banana up the tailpipe gag?

Karma only gets you if you deserve it, so maybe you were karma's tool in this case. ;)

Did the EFI fuse get replaced with a burned out one?

You have to let the rest of us know ... subtle-like. It would be nice to think that karma actually found someone, somewhere.

Aw, you're just looking for revenge ideas, aren't you. :haha:

Did bruce just call Grav a tool?

I said perhaps. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.


But I suppose "means" could be... no wait, not mean...




Well maybe "agent" is more PC. :blush:

This past garbage pick up day, I went to wheel the bin back it's spot, and I noticed a piece of paper in my yard, over close to that neighbor. I went to pick it up, and, when I saw what it was, the plan formed itself in less than a second. The piece of trash was pretty close to this loud-ass car of my neighbor's.

The piece of trash may, or may not have found it's way under the gas cap location (still on the ground, only my shoe may or may not have touched this errant piece of trash) on said loud-ass car. I have no idea how this piece of trash may have found it's way to this particular spot, under/near the fueling location of said car, I just know it was there when I last saw it.

I also haven't the faintest clue how the gas cap found it's way to top of the trunk, resting in clear view of whoever may get in the vehicle.

Did I forget to mention what the piece of trash actually was?

It may or may not have been a discarded empty bag of sugar.

I would like to take this opportunity to state, for the record, I did not sugar that gas tank, or any other gas tank. I do not know how the gas cap came to be resting on the trunk lid.

It may or may not appear at first blush that sugar was put in the tank. Never happened.

I really do not like that guy.

And, now, Ima go to jail, and/or get sued, cuz you people have inquiring minds. Yeah, I know I shoulda not posted anything.

See what you did? I hope you're happy.

OK, lay it on me. I can take it. I know it makes me a hypocrite. I know at least two of ya are gonna lay into me. Let me have it.

Dude. You have no idea how long I've resisted doing that very thing.

Only with a nice, firm Idaho spud.

I don't want to cause actual damage though. That might bite me in the ass. Or worse, my ass pocket.

Delete and use the anon account. jus sayin'

I haven't actually done anything. I think I'm prolly good. Thanks for that, though.

Prolly.

Maybe.

Mod ... cleanup on post #109... ;)

I have read of the fake sugaring tactic before! I think it was in a book called "Getting Even" by George Hayduke. Most of the pranks were elaborate and some very nasty, but here is one that was simple.

...but...

...the reality is, it turns out, sugar in the gas tank does nothing! A number of Internet sources (so you know they're true) linking back to a Discover 1994 magazine article which investigated, say that sugar doesn't dissolve in gasoline, so all you wind up with is some sugar at the bottom of the tank.

So not only did you not do anything... you did not not do anything harmful!

Although it might dissolve in the inevitable water in the bottom of the tank but that would only get sucked up if the tank got close to empty. So close it would probably starve the pump on corners and inclines, but if it gets that low the pump would probably burn up for lack of cooling. So no problem.

Digr just came here to post a statement his defense attorney can use. ;)

Admittedly I know very little about cars, but... Is there any liquid that is in a seperate container and gets mixed with the fuel in the engine when it starts? I am thinking diet coke and ground up mentos....

It's ok - Karma is to busy preparing for it's press conference about kids with cancer.

No, but...that made me think of this:

[drift]

I know a guy who ran a length of windshield washer hose from his air cleaner to inside the cab of his car and connected the end of the hose to a can of ether (starting fluid), and, used it like a poor man's nitrous kit.

The car ran fine. For a while.

I CONFESS! Once upon a time, I posted my actual first name in The Cellar! I know, who would have thunk it? No one seemed to notice at the time and since then I haven't said anything. I feel so bad. :sniff:

I'd like to repent by offering the community the opportunity to find that post and put a link to it right here in this thread. My modesty prevents me from responding to any first names posted here; but, if you post the correct link, I'll acknowledge it as soon as I see it. Everyone has until the end (11:59:59 PM EST) of my birthday on June 29th to test their Cellar trivia search skills and post their links.

UT will also have the correct link in case I kick the bucket during the meantime.