i used paint shop pro. yippee.

I WIN!

I think it was the font with the little people doing "it" in all the different poses that won it for me, either that or the name Webscalpel spelled out in sperm font. Why do you have those on your computer jeni?:) Do you use them often?

i have hundreds of fonts because when i was planning on getting the 'R' tattooed on my ankle, i browsed a LOT of fonts. i downloaded the ones that amused me. those two were included.

http://jeni.gaveup.org/tattoos/wings3.jpg

that's black chancery, i believe.

Black Chancery
 

It's very close. Perhaps a heavier version of that one.

Dear Crowd,

First, let me introduce myself. My name is antibitch, and I'm an anti-holic.

I've been watching you reduce my boyfriend's good efforts to bits for the past several weeks. It's truly been quite fascinating, just to see the creativity and imagination you all have harnessed specially for the occasion. Quite interesting. If I felt it all had any
chance of unbalancing his dignity, I would have responded sooner.

However, the revolting pileup has reached a size too large for me to swallow (for a change), so I'm responding with a message for all of you, for Bitmap (the Mystical Clod), for Ike_is_my_Cat (the Atavistic Throwback), for Dave (Wir hassen Sie, Dave), for Elspode (so MRONIC, he should be shot), for Undertoad (witty? dangerously not), for wolf (witless, and apparently proud of it), for blowmeetheclown (That Ignoramus), for Jeni (let me be your
Cellar slut), for And (the yawn-worthy chasm), for Griff (by day a dimwit, by night a dimwit), and especially for SteveDallas (who is probably incapable of mentally handling much besides melons).

I have no doubt you'll attack this message with renewed fervor. I wouldn't expect any less . However, for those who are interested, I think I'll cautiously proceed.

You are the largest, rudest bunch of simpletons on the web. Antibland posted a thread on this forsaken site in order to find a little help getting his new undertaking off the ground, and you have done nothing but completely degrade his endeavors. He never claimed to be a graphic designer (BITMAP!). He never said his site was finished, or even organized. He posted his contest in order to have a little professional piece to represent the good
ideas he has been housing for awhile, and is only just beginning to translate into code. He posted it on cellar.org BECAUSE he figured there were some good GD's here, not because he
needed more to worry about in his life. Although it's known that a good GD gets much more for a logo, $50 was all he was willing to spend because that's all he can spare at the moment. He assumed whomever was insulted by the price simply would refrain from participating. If there were such good designers around, after all, there must be one who could compose a worthy logo in just a few minutes. Makes sense to me.

Yet, some of you have managed to waste your worthy talents in an attempt to...ridicule him?

And you call yourself professionals? I'm surprised you even consider yourselves worthy of your friends, your colleagues, your family. Look around you. Look at your girlfriend, boyfriend, children. Is this the part of you that you expect them to be proud of? Spending your time mocking someone who, like you once, is trying to get off the ground?

Let's cover a few things. For those of you (like ELSPODE) unaware of current spamming definitions, to spam is to continually post inappropriate messages to a newsgroup (according to www.dictionary.com). Since Antibland posted a single message offering real cash to someone capable of excelling in design and implementation, his offer is not considered spam.

On top of which (ELSPODE), Antibland's choice of the word "lemmings" was indeed appropriate, since you've all managed to follow one another off your very own cliff of self-humiliation.

Plus, ELSPODE, if I wasn't capable of using much more than FrontPage to code my site (like YOU), I wouldn't go making fun of someone who has the patience, willingness to study, and balls to code his own site from scratch (like Antibland).

And a special shout-out to Ike_is_my_Cat: Betamonkey monkey talk sucks donkey balls, Betamonkey reads granny porn while sitting around the house wearing nothing but a little league chest protector and slathering his face with 10W-40, and Kevin of Betamonkey is a blathering, unemployed blockhead who can't command his own databases properly and who can't afford to donate time to make his web server payments but CAN afford the time to nauseatingly insult his soon-to-be peers. He doesn't deserve a job, potential employer!

Another special shout-out to wolf, who delicately inquired, "Who would EVER hire a webdesign services company that has to run a contest to design it's OWN FUCKING LOGO????" There is a
difference, my effeminate darling, between designing the layout and style of pages and designing the graphics that might appear on those pages. And if you had explored webscalpel's mission statement, you would have noticed that antibland isn't offering
complete webdesign; he's only offering, to those like ELSPODE who won't even take the time to learn things like JavaScript and Flash, to boost the functionality of websites already in existence. But thanks for your graceful contribution to feminity.

Another special shout-out to the man who is unable to spell the word "me," blowmeetheclown: no intellectual property was harmed in the making of webscalpel. Antibland may feel
inspired by the exactness and humour in Thau's tutorials (and aptly so) but has never, and I can personally vouch for this, had any desire to STEAL somebody else's creation. READ his
goddamn About page.

And, DAVE and ELSPODE, your comment about his desire to hack ANY site is despicable, if not laughable.

In fact, the poor guy spends his days walking around, even websurfing around, trying deperately to locate even one person who values inventiveness and originality half as much as he does. He's in the midst of trying to build a place for individuals to come together, share their ideas, developers mixing with beginners mixing with people looking to get their name out there. He's creating a site that might help people, that is a positive forum for the self-motivated and, on top of it all, a place to meet people just as desirous for constructive contact as he.

There are worse crimes.

That's why he put up his measly $50 for a logo. He could have easily walked straight into the GD department of the nearest university. He could have gone straight to a corporate logo-maker. He could have downloaded software. But he wanted to attract people who might be interested in offering their input, interested in joining his cause, or donating some constructive criticism. He wanted to find a little support from those who have a skill that he lacks and could help his site look better. And who could gain public credit for it. Plus a few bucks. After all, anyone can post their tutorial on his starter site and help it grow, while gaining free publicity.

He went to the web to cut up a little.

He never needed your shit.

I, for one, have gained a little insight into the personality of my global neighbors. You're all about as sweet as schoolyard bullies.

I'm sure you'll amount to as much.

<antibitch>

What happens when bitch meets antibitch?
 

Good God person, it took you a week-and-a-half to compose that rant?

Get bent, asshole, you're out of your league here when it comes to bitchiness.

I'm going to enjoy watching your ass get smoked, troll.

i know shes a noob, but this line:
should get her in the greatest hits on its merit alone.

~james

perth, I agree, that comment belongs in the Hall of Fame (Shame?) :D

and...?
 

If each of you who have responded so far had even remotely well-developed sites, I might have some respect for your response. Yet, one thinks we're interested in seeing family pictures and one (whose site lacks even the simplest clickable link) has to resort to a page editor. C'mon. Is that all you have? Bring it on!

PS: Not to resort to grade-school insults, Nothing but Net, but...is it true you seem to be here just for the sex? Antibland, at least, isn't lacking in that department, as my innuendo so obviously points out.

nbn likes my pictures. well, one of em at least.

but, yeah. youre right. hey! i know! ill give you 50 bucks if youll make it better. deal?

~james

Dont take this so personally AB. Many of these were<B> really funny</B> (Dave's first is my fav).

If you had know us before the original thread was posted we would have been more helpful.

BTW........

since we're plugging stuff here


<h1>Visit my new site and buy my useless crap so I can quit my shitjob</h1>

<h3>www.buyslangsuselessbullshit.com</h3> (this is non-functional, for entertainment purposes only)

goddammit slang, i was hoping slangame would be available for purchase on that site.

~james

ug

Hey, I win the contest for who managed to piss her off the most, if number of handle mentions in her rant is used as the criterion.

Those shots at my website really hurt, too. After all, I take such obvious pride in it. I have another equally lame site at www.lanelambert.com, if you'd like to have a shot at that one, too. It will hurt just about as much. You can also critique the amateurish musical works therein, so you'll get double the revenge opportunities! Can't give you a better deal than that.

Fortunately, I know the old adage, "Those who do, do; those who can't, criticize." I'm a critic, not a coder. Hey, Missy...next time you criticize a movie, or a piece of music, or anything else that you cannot do yourself, you'll be just like me!

BTW, the definition of SPAM on The Cellar is whatever the residents say it is. If you or your boypal had bothered to hang out and check the lay of the land for a day or two, rather than leaping in and making a blatantly commercial posting, you might have not only gotten constructive commentary, but made some friends. These people are among the brightest and most decent people I've found online, and I've been online for a long, long time.

Now, where'd I put that bottle of sleeping pills? Time for me to do the manly thing and put me out of your misery.

summary...
 

QUOTE:

If you or your boypal had bothered to hang out and check the lay of the land for a day or two, rather than leaping in and making a blatantly commercial posting, you might have not only gotten constructive commentary, but made some friends.


So, basically, the lay of this land is that it's a bunch of jerkoffs logging on with nothing better to do than find creative ways to insult people? That's what we came here to find? You say some of the brightest people you've met are here? Are THESE the people you're talking about? You might want to get a new group of friends, if that's YOUR criteria.

heres another greatest hits candidate.

~james

Posted before editing by the user.

Sheesh, what an idiot...

well, that and an overwhelming desire to see what cutting insight radar has posted.

~james

Hang around for a month AB. We're wiseasses but we'll grow on ya.

And, there's a lot of generous talented people that will help those in need of technical help or whatever.


In the meantime, check out the beta of my new game....


<h2>www.LightRadarOnFireWithSlangame.com</h2>

a probable final farewell...
 

See, here's the thing.

I didn't post my rant to be bitchy. In fact, that's why I am named antibitch, folks. I really don't have any desire to fight with you at all, or match wits or insults. I simply felt like putting my two cents in to see if anyone had any sense of humanity. And to put a few words out there for someone who's actually worth something.

Apparently, no one's going to step up. So thank you so very much for your conversation and reponses, especially those indicating how I'm sorta like something living under a bridge. I'll never forget this lovely experience. I'm sure you'll have great fun with it in the days to come. You should be grateful you've got the time to waste. I wish I did.

Just because you all took it in the backside due to a lack of judgement before posting doesn't defacto make everyone here a dick.

Again, had you any experience with The Cellar at all before the original contest post, you would have known that the way that post was handled was exactly the wrong way to do it.

But apparently neither of you cared enough to take the time to meet the people you wanted input from. You seem to have time to rip everyone's ass *now*. If only you'd invested half that amount of time in being a part of The Cellar instead of just trying to get something out of it (and no, the offer to pay for what you wanted is no substitute, because people here *did* see it as SPAM, no matter what the online dictionary says). I get dozens of supposedly beneficial monetary offers every week from one source or another. How could anyone here have known that what Antibland posted was any different than that?

You expect us to own up to being jerks, we expect you to own up to using poor judgement in the first place.

You didn't know The Cellar...nor did you care to. You were apparently so into your noble pursuits to "bring people together" that you failed to notice that these people are already together. I'm not sure who should be more insulted here - us or you.

i'm guessing by the way she "Tore Us a New One" that she was more insultied






<i>-----------------------------------------------------
Yes... I know, I don't care.</i>

Very well done Ep. No swearing or vulgarities.


***Attention Radar, this is a good example of how to make your point without making most people think you are an ass***


(last week was rip on Jag week, this week is Radar's week, next week will be rip on slang week, the next week .......)

Oh, come on Anti. Slang (surprisingly enough :) ) extended the hand of kindness here. Hang around. Tell Bland to do the same. We really aren't bad folk, and if you get to know us well enough, I guarantee someone would be willing to help for free. Not me, youve seen my website. It sucks. I will apologise for being an asshole, but only if the two of you will hang around and maybe post to a different thread or two. Theres a lot of great people here. Yeah, we're not kind to people who ask for stuff in their first post. I doubt you will find a community which is. But i promise to do my best to be nice now.

~James

I am not a dick... I am, a MAN!

nah. youre a dick. :)

~james

Jee-sus christ yer funny!

and

give you peace too, right?

If he is then i'm thinking he's the Purple one from jeni's post back on page 2.

Fuck you.

And your wife's cousin :cool:

What? I'm a kinder gentler rural asshole now. You didnt read my book.....now did you?

hey! if it aint a strategy guide for the slangame, im not interested. i wont be happy until i know how to defeat radar and not have him respawn.

~james

AB, let me extend the hand of diplomacy too. By becoming a wordy sociologist...

What we are here is a community of sorts, and quite open; and what we often find is that the community has to be defended from people looking to make a quick buck. And defended from people who try to USE it rather than abuse it.

The kind of nuclear overreaction you saw, partly reflects that nature. Oh no, someone's trying to spam us or trick us or... you know the drill. Anything is worthwhile in defending the community.

In effect, we figured we were being taken for a ride, and behaved accordingly. What's cool is that you seem like a cool person who might like to hang out, and you're welcome to do so, please consider it.

I would be overjoyed to apply my minimal talents to logo design at $50/hour for one hour to develop a proper logo. I'm happy to work on an invoice basis too.

I didn't do the Cellar logo, that was HB. I have samples of work if you'd like.

UT, sometimes you're too nice

Yeh, it doesn't usually work out for me, either. But whaddya gonna do.

I have given this a lot of consideration, NBN, and no, you are not A dick, you HAVE a dick. ;)

Didja see ... she called me "effeminate"!!!

I think that's actually the first time that has ever happened.

and I'm glad that makes you smile :)

Um... is it too late to apologise for replying?

the offer still stands to design your logo for $125.

the $50 prize does not fall in line with any graphic design pricing trends and for that price the best you'd get would probably be an Olive Garden kids menu with the website name written in crayon.

Seems as though there's nothing "anti" about it.
Maybe if he had bothered to participate in the community (even as minimally as I do), people wouldn't have been so quick to jump him. Same goes for you. I don't recall my first post here, but I guarantee that it was not a raving diatribe that UT's forum is some bass-ackward community with mauve title bars. Get over yourself and your man's lack of GD. And I'm sure Jeni's twice as hot as you think you are.

ps- which Dwellar won the 50?

Dear Miss AntiBitch,

Wait, no I'm not you egregiously mistaken whore. I am far from unemployed, balancing a 50 hour/week full-time job with 30 hours of freelance interspersed between binge sessions of PBR and working a Soup Kitchen for the homeless and down-trodden of Memphis. If you would have peered into your thesaurus a little deeper you would have noticed that "Atavistic Throwback" is redundant, and actually not an insult-- yeah, I'm kickin' it old school.

What webserver payments? I host my own, sunshine.

But you know, you're kinda hot when you're all angry. Gettin' you all worked up and steamy... girl I'd roll you in gravy and sop you up with a biscuit.

Do you also write blues lyrics?

*does his best Tom Jones imitation* SHE'S A LADY!!! WHOA! OH! OH!

Antibitch's Antibitching (what a hypocrite)
 

Since so many of the other board members are willing to extend the hand of diplomacy, please allow me to be to take a stance on the other side, and let you know how sorely offended by your bland and unthinking rants I am.

I do not have a webpage. Why? Because I don't have time for a webpage. I do graphic design for a print company, not a website. On a daily basis, DAILY BASIS, mind you, I must eat TOTAL SHIT like what the ol' Webscalpel has on his web site:
Inept image handling ("I got this little picture off the Internet last night. Could you blow it up to poster sized?").
Half-assed design knowledge ("I made this on MicroSoft Publisher" "I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have MicroSoft Publisher, we can't open your file" "Oh... Could you try anyway?").
Kooky font fun ("Here. I found this in an old magazine from 1977. Can you match this font?").
Borrowed content("Well, his name's Jerry and mine's Tom, so I thought it'd be great if you could put the cartoon characters on our card.").

The work I have to clean up from the never-ending flow of UTTER MORONS who bring work in to my company takes me hours to fix sometimes, but they just HAVE to have it. I don't get paid nearly as much as some of the other people here at the Celler do for their graphic work. As a matter of fact, due to circumstances that currently force me to stay, I get paid SHIT for this work. Total fucking jippage.

I have a college education, an innate talent for understanding computers, and years of experience with the appropriate software. I have been given crap jobs and turned them into fucking GOLD. And then your Hero Boyfriend comes here, to this web forum which I value for its intellectual and information exchange, and tries to be all cute and commercial on the forum. He offers LESS money than I get paid for such a logo design. So. I. Laugh.

If he had come here and just said, "Hey, I'm in need of a logo. Is anyone feeling charitable?" I'm sure several graphic artists and designers would be at least somewhat interested in doing something just for recognition. But no, he drops in out of nowhere, plants his little flag and expects people to flock to his brave new world. Fuck that.

I don't feel the slightest guilt at mocking your boyfriend for making a clear and utter fool of himself because he made his post without thinking, without tact, and without a basis of skill to stand on. And I don't feel the slightest guilt mocking you. You two are just another pair in the long line of twits I encounter while I'm on the job. So go fuck your passive-agressive self.

can I get a witness?

Amen.

I am honored. Honored, and confused.

Honored, because I received pride-of-place at the end of The Roll of Shame(tm), with an "especially" thrown in. What a wonderful notice!! My agent (if I had one) (which is to say if some agent were enough of a clueless idiot to waste his or her time trying to peddle my measly self) could not have negotiated any better placement and billing.

And confused, because my one meager tiny contribution to this thread was so innocuous, so insignificant, that I can't imagine it left that much of an impression. (Indeed, I didn't even remember what I had written, but I figured it must have been something pretty damned scathing to receive such a rebuke. Imagine my disappointment.)


So, what do I have to say about all this?? hmmm.

It's been approximately 17 years since I made my first contribution to an online discussion group. Although that probably beats out everybody else here except for one or two folks, that doesn't mean that I'm better than anybody else or know more. What it does mean is that I've seen a lot of shit go down. And I've seen a lot of first-time posts. And oh, have I seen the flamage.

A mature discussion forum (at well over a decade in its various incarnations, the Cellar surely qualifies) naturally develops its own customs, its own cohesiveness. Newbies are always challenged to move themselves into the group. While different groups have different dynamics, the challenge of the newbie to integrate into the group is a given, and there are some things that almost never work.

One of them is asking a question that is covered in the FAQ or was discussed into the ground last week. It's annoying and it shows you didn't even try.

Another one is saying, "hi I'm new here" (and nothing else). While different groups have different tolerance for this, the sure way to make your way in is to contribute something to the discussion. And "I'm new here" contributes nothing. Everybody who visits more often than once a month will know you're new as soon as you open your mouth.

Another one is anything that smacks of trying to get other folks to do your work for you. The classic case of this is, of course, the request for homework assistance: "I have to do a report on how ethernet switches are more efficient than hubs. Can somebody help me?"

There are probably folks who would say The Cellar is hostile to newbies. Having been a newbie once (I'm now becoming curious as to what my first post was back in 1991), I can assure any newbies reading this that we are not sitting around waiting for newbies to post so we can flame them to crisps. On the contrary.... we're here because we find the stuff that other folks write here entertaining and/or thought-provoking. (You may find it to be neither, in which case I respectfully submit that this means you're probably not going to enjoy it here. This is not bad, any more than it's bad to say that people bored silly by paper folding shouldn't join the Origami Society.) So, generally, we love it when new folks show up.

All you have to do is say something. Contribute. Contradict somebody. (Preferably with some facts to back up your position.) Agree with somebody. (Preferably while expanding on the point; don't just say "me too".) Just join the conversation. You'll be fine.

when I first joined (several months ago), I admit, it may have been a little intimidating trying to make a place for yourself in an already established group...

so you can do what I did and photoshop someone's ass the first day or you could be someone's bitch...

you decide.

^,^^
 

Kyle, I'm pretty sure your first post was "I'm new here!"

Ike earned immediate respect with his first post.

I've seen stranger things...

- People who were total losers for years and then grew up and redeemed themself
- People who flamed out so loud that you could hear it over the line
- People who came on and took all kinds of abuse because they spoke nonsense, but stuck around anyway as if they liked it

Man, perhaps I should have said something mean-spirited about Webscalpel. I've been insulted by many oxygen-wasters in my 2+ years here, but now, I'm feeling kinda left out. :(

:)

Its not too late, Syc...go ahead...let it out. Think of it as educational.

so long as we're reminiscing...

the Anti-couple can kiss my cable-ready ass.

http://www.gartsvault.com/Accounts/K...sen/donkey.jpg

back in business
 

To Ike_is_my_Cat and And:

The sort of blatent falsehoods you're rearing your heads at now are precisely the kind I found on this site concerning antibland that drove me to post my original rant. And so the world goes round....

Caint we all just get along?

I think antibitch and antibland could have been a worthwhile member of the cellar. I for one would have loved to hear antibitch tear into Radar or even Cairo when she was around. Sadly though they do not seem to realize that there is more to the cellar then just a bunch of screen names bitching about the latest headlines. Since I joined I have seen numerous newbies treated like crap, some stay, some go, I've decided it's like an initiation routine here. If you can put up with the regulars for your first few posts and not make a complete fool of yourself you'll be accepted, if you run away then fine we didn't need you anyways.
Antibland came in asking for help, he shouldn't complain too much about the response, if he would have taken some time to read a few thread maybe he would have stumbled across Ciara's first post. Then if he was smart he would have rethought how he was joining this community. Instead, he just mindlessly posted. This thread is the result.

Still could be worthwhile members, Cam. Still could be. Amongst other things, we don't hold anything against strong-willed women around here.

True that

Re: back in business
 

See. Yer hooked. You can't leave now. Yer last post was "probably the last" and yet you are back.

Next thing ya know, you'll have your own forum and be writing goofy shit like Syc and Juju do. :)

Okay Ep...here goes...

Why did antibland have to have his woman fight his battle here? Man, what a pussy.

Slang, you're just jealous. I understand. Hard not to be. :)

Hey, I'm curious, how does one know when they've stopped being a newbie and started being part of the group. I think I've posted less than 10 times total here, since I usually don't post anything unless I really have something worth sharing (seems like if anyone does reply, it's usually wolf). I came across the site from a link in someone's slashdot .sig about a year ago, and I've been keeping up almost every day since then. So where does the transformation from newbie to part of the crowd come in? I wonder how many other lurkers are out there like me that consider themselves part of The Cellar, but hardly ever post. I know all the most common posters by alias and what people's general demeanors are, but does that make me part of the group, or just an outsider looking in?

This place is definitely a lot more "homelike", a community of real people, compared to a place like slashdot inhabited by the teeming masses (over 600,000 registered users, last time I looked).

If my own experience is any evidence, I think it is when you piss off Radar or the Superiority Complex Formerly Known as Cairo. Once you've done that, you're part of the crowd.

There may be other minor qualifications as well...

Re: back in business
 

I think I'm beginning to see at least part of the problem here, Ms. AB. You were taking us seriously.

I can see where you might find offense at the things that were posted, but I assure you that none of it was personal. How could it be? Neither of you really know us in any sense, nor we you, so you were faceless, without identity. You may think this indicates cruelty or callousness on the part of Cellar Dwellars (tm), but it doesn't.

It indicates that the residents herein happily toss around crude humor, foul language and what sounds on the surface like inhumane commentary, but it is largely extreme sarcasm and carefully calculated mock cynicism that is being played for laughs. Unfortunately, your beau ended up on the receiving end this time. Wouldn't have happened if we'd been allowed to get to know him first.

Jump into the pool, swim with us sharks for awhile. You'll find out that we make pretty good pets in the long run, and I seriously doubt that you'll experience another episode like our 'logo contest' and the attendant commentary. People here tend to go out of their ways to help folks once they know who they are. Misunderstandings happen, especially with a creative and somewhat edgy group like this.

Pax? C'mon, jump in...it'll be fun! Besides, there are actually true jerks here as well as the good folk, and you can enjoy verbally kicking the crap out them, too!