I think your living situation is keeping the wound fresh. Yes, some part of you will always remember the hurt, but it will get better to a large degree. That process can't start until you actually get out from under the knife, though. Now that you have money, what's the plan for one or the other of you moving out?

If I were in that situation, I would be very torn. I wouldn't want to leave the kids by moving out. That would kill me. But I also wouldn't be able to stay.

I think what I would do is figure out some custody arrangements and get a nearby apartment. And probably a divorce.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Flint. But I think that now that you have some money, you have some options. It sounds like she is the weak one who won't make a decision, so you have to.

What's newguy's salary?

What Clod said, what Glatt said.


Sent by thought transference

Fucking-eh. Words up, man.

Flint-
Sorry to hear you got fucked over in what I consider a wormy kind of way, but I won't cast stones as much as I'd like to. As a friend once said more than once, "There's what he says, there's what she says, and there's what really happened."

The upshot is that you are in a sucky situation.

I hope you can keep your mojo until things improve, in the meantime here are two thoughts to ponder:

1) Living well is the best revenge.

2) WTF?

Somewhere in the antisocial, tattooed, fedora-wearing hipster range. He couldn't get a job in Texas--we rescued him from being homeless. He is doing temp jobs up here.

And that the thanks you get. :mad:

I feel for you, Flint

two years is a pretty long game just for some tail.

You own the Portland place or rent?

If you can afford to, move out. Get the new life happening. Believe me, it will be better for the kids in the long run if everyone can be real about the situation. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for most of the time. Living in the same house and not being yourself has got to be worse than living alone with the kids and being real about things.

Is there any other reason besides the kids that you're staying for?

you are a far, far stronger man than me. I wouldn't have been able to handle the stuff going on downstairs while I sat alone in my little room/prison cell.

Some guys are cut out to be cuckolds and some aren't.

That sounded a little cunty...

Clod, how could you be so mean to sexo?

Oh wait a minute...he deserved it! lol

A lot cunty.

Ha. My phone learned cunty.

Cuntegonda was a character in Candide, IIRC.

Mutiny on the Cunty.

Coward of the Cunty

Dudley Do-Right of the Cunties

ACM - Academy of Cunty Music

No Cunty For Old Men

Cuntytime lemonade

Scarborough Fair/Cunticle

She's a little bit cunty, he's a little bit cock and roll.

Yes, I've been unemployed since I moved up here. I was doing contract work prior to making the final move up here (wife and kids were already here in the house I was paying for, so the kids could get acclimated to Portland before the start of their first school year here). I've just now found a new full time job, making a lot of money like I always had before. I start my new job next week--this is literally the first time in six months I haven't been trapped in a shitty situation with no options.

Ah, next week. I was under the impression you had already started the new job.

So do you have plans for what you intend to do next? Have you glanced at the real estate section of the paper to see the apartments? Or however you find apartments these days?

Light at the end of the tunnel, Flint.

God, what a total headfuck this whole thing sounds. I'm glad you're heading hopefully into calmer waters now m'dear.

I'd be looking for an attorney

If children are so resilient like everyone says, then why do I remember feeling so much turmoil, confusion and divided loyalties for years after my own parents were divorced? And trust issues which not only continue to this day, but are completely validated--people ARE selfish assholes who will do shitty things. So if children are so resilient, what does that mean--they'll learn sooner that the trials of life leave you with defining scars?

My son is like me--he just wants people to get along. He wants everyone to be okay, in a situation where that isn't possible. I know how he feels because I see it, and I remember feeling that way. My daughter is more emotionally mature, but if she is imprinting her stability on this situation, my concern is that she will have no idea what a relationship is--are people just pawns to be manipulated to suit your own purposes? Why not, if happiness is so easy to achieve by crawling over the backs of people you've betrayed?

Once I get free from this situation, the kids will see me being happy and stable and awesome. And they'll see their mother and I trying to cooperate and respect each other. The disingenuous aspect of this is that I will be compelled to treat someone with respect, out of necessity, whose actions haven't been honorable. I didn't make the decisions that created this situation, but I'll be the one carrying the burden. Picking up the pieces and making the best of a shitty situation--but what lessons will the children take away from this? And how, exactly, does that magical resilience I've heard so much about protect them from being fucked up by this?

It doesn't, kids are all mind fucked by their parents to some degree. Most kids are able to live their own lives eventually though. The danger is in what they come to believe is normal. You'll need to be pretty direct with them as they get older that this situation should not be repeated. I work with kids who are the product of multi-generational poverty and am shocked by what their parents think is normal.

They will feel sadness and confusion. They will be changed by this change. And they will survive. Resilient, not impervious.

You'll do what you must to mitigate the negative effects. They will get a glimpse of the bad side of relationships. They'll know you're suffering, and they'll see you come through it.
They will be ok. Because you'll both still love them. It really just is what it is for them. It's not like they've been raised in a family that stayed together before, and can compare this reality to that. It's not the optimal situation, but they're safe and loved.

Wait.....what if they look at the friend as the father figure and Flint is trying to take them away from them??

What makes you think Flint is after primary custody?

There is no magical resilience. That's a lie perpetuated by selfish people. Kids have always been damaged by selfish adults.

Integrity matters. Kids do appreciate that. They also appreciate the adults who had time for them. You can't protect your kids from what's inevitably coming, but you can be a stable center for them. Someone has to carry the burden. What lessons the kids take from the whole mess is not up to you.

Holy tail post, doc.

...

He's your hero.

And he's a funny bastard.

Things getting any easier for you yet?

It's hit or miss. Got my own apartment; learning the new job. Some days doing fine, some days freaking out and wondering if I remember how to do anything, be an adult, and live by myself. But at least I'm just torturing myself--this is back to normal, lol.

Good for you, Flint. Seriously.

I'm glad you got your own place and are keeping on.

Much safer in your own place, they won't arrest you for torturing yourself.

I think it's a great step forward. How do the kids like it?

Did you get a puppy? Kids love puppies.