Nicely put, Ali.

For Erica/Ibby by one of my favorite poets:


THE HALF-AND-HALF MAN
—Russell Edson

A man had two feet. One was a woman, the other a man.

Appropriately one wore a woman's high-heeled shoe, the other a rough work boot.

And this was true of his hands and his nostrils and eyes. And this was true of his testicles, one of which was an ovary...

Ib, be who and what you want to be. Don't pay attention to what other people think. Be happy.

but what if other people think he should be who and what he wants to be and not pay attention to what other people think?

That could cause BSOD

Then he should be what other people want him to be, and not pay attention to what he, himself, wants. And that's final!

In the long run, other people don't give a shit.

I think that's a little naive. Some do.

That is so fucking true.

Other people, sure--but family can continue to give a shit long after you wish they'd stopped.

Amen.
Or give you a hard time about how much they have had to adjust, and how hard it has been for them.
Then turn round ten years later and ask why are still conflicted over the decisions you took, because they're totally chilled with them already.

Thanks. I needed that reassurance at the time, when I was scared and alone.
Not now when it turns out the world didn't shatter after all.

I'm gonna start cross-posting some of my angsty dysphoric tumblr blog posts here just to avoid cluttering up other threads with my genderbitching.

Im posting two now just cause im too lazy to edit them together or anything into a more coherent unified post.

Ouch!

I buy men's razors like Gillette or Schick even for shaving my legs. Even if its the same type as the female version, they just seem to be sharper and do a better job. Then again I go weeks without shaving, and kinda don't see it as necessary for femininity. My family disagrees with me though.

Why so broke? Define decent. Almost anything but Dollar store, Ladies and Sensitive should do the trick. Beyond that, it's not the razors. slow down. It's not like shaving your face is a new trick, surely?

Bic "sensitive" one-blade safety razors. If i shave fast i end up with five or six tiny nicks, even with good razors. if i shave slow i remove slices, with these. It's not a new trick, no, but it was only slightly unsightly, not wildly dysphoric and embarrassing and outing, before I came out.

About the jeans issue, why do you particularly need to wear women's jeans? Just get jeans that fit right. It's the accessories that will help identify you. Jeans are jeans. You might as well wear ones that fit right for your body shape.

Do you know that girls who don't have hips usually buy mens jeans anyway?

Also, so happy to finally be catching up on Sunday's episode of Melissa Harris-Perry. Guest Kate Bornstein talks with Melissa about "being trans* in America" and gender identity and all that great stuff. I adore kate, and i've heard fantastic stuff about how the episode went.

If I buy men's jeans, they don't have the added crotchal compression, or the slimmer, tighter cut that helps me "read" as a girl since I'm dressed more markedly like one. The problem with the loose hips isn't that they're too loose and don't fit well, it's just that they make me feel dysphoric because I don't have hips. I can wear a belt. They don't sag or anything even when I don't. They just remind me that they don't make jeans that are cut quite right for hipless brick-shaped trans ladies like me.

They don't make jeans cut quite right for most shapes Ib. Honestly, as a woman, it's very difficult to find a pair of jeans that fit well unless you're an 'ideal' shape, and most of us aren't.

Welcome to the world of women. ;)

About the crotch slimming thing. Can't you get underwear that will do that sort of thing for you? That way it wont matter what jeans you wear. :)

Yeah, I've made the same comment pretty often myself. Complain about a thing, then point out the absurdity of my bitching by being like, well, yeah, thats the same as it is for every other woman anyway. But the difference is that instead of just hurting my self-esteem it hits me at a slightly different level, when its something thats BECAUSE of my transly state. Like, my tummy makes me feel bad like it would for anyone else... not being able to make my balls behave long enough to gaff up and hide them, and having to wear boyjeans or sweats to hide my bulge, for instance, makes me dysphoric and self-loathing on a fairly different way.

why not buy jeans (boy/girl/whatever) that fit in the hips, are loose in the waist then put a couple darts in the waist with a needle and thread? We're talking.. what ... 15 minutes of work including measuring pinning dressing sewing cussing unsewing remeasuring resewing and redressing?

come on. Ibram, what kind of sewing skills do you have?

None whatsoever. I can barely get a button to stay on.

re shaving your face.

less pressure. hot water to soften the hair. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS move the blade in a direction STRICTLY PERPENDICULAR TO THE BLADE. If you need to change direction, cause you run out of face or whatever, pick the blade up, turn it so that the blade is PERPENDICULAR to the direction you wish to shave, and continue shaving. more strokes, shorter strokes, lighter strokes can help. One long curving stripe of skin appearing in a snowdrift of shaving cream is only for the commercials, it doesn't happen that way in the bathroom, not without risking blood.

you probably already knew all this.

I like to sew. I have basically taught myself. Hand sewing, and machine sewing. It's not that hard and the number of options it opens up for you is enormous. You don't need a lot of money either. I got my Singer machine at Goodwill for $29.99, and I've made several costumes with it, countless pieces of camping gear, etc etc. It is a very, very basic machine, straight stitch and zigzag, and reverse. It's not that hard and you could make things smaller and larger, ... IF you could sew.

Are you interested or willing to learn to sew? That sounds awkward, I mean... if you had that skill, even a basic level, you'd have a lot more options. And it's easy and fun, really.

Current fashion is for boys to wear girls jeans......

There's your problem. Those are the crappiest razors ever. Hebe and I were forced to buy some on vacation last year. So bad, we threw unused ones in the trash when we got home. We never do shit like that -I am such a miser. they were bad. Gillette "Good News" are the same price if not cheaper and much much better.

are you wet shaving?

More jeans companies seem to be coming out with different styles of pants for different body shapes. Levis is one of my favorite brands you can go through their guide here:
http://us.levi.com/shop/index.jsp?ca...idquiz:4370093

Hope this helps some.

totally agree!

NEVER BUY BIC!!!!! EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I've been shaving for 30+ years - sometimes twice a day.
I used Bic-shit razors twice with the same result as you, only far worse.

I could probably do a better job with a rusty can lid!

Gillette Sensor excel with 2 blades. I've been successfully using them since you were born (or thereabouts).

never bic. noted.

As far as the jeans issue ... Wrangler relaxed cut $16.59 at Target.
Thats all I got - lol.

If you're going to shave your legs, use one like 'venus' if you get them over there. Make sure you still use plenty of soap or shaving cream though, even though they suggest you don't need it.

alternatively, get your legs waxed when you get your brows done. :)

Ib, I need to tell you too, Mav (Mr 14 almost 15) had his brows waxed the other day when I had a beauty party at my place. If you still have reservations about going into a salon and doing it, I hope this helps with your nerves. I meant to tell you about it at the time, but somehow it slipped my mind.

Bic make excellent pens and lighters. I wonder why their razors don't make par.

Ladies, let me tell you, men's clothing is just the same, well cut for an ideal body, awkward for the other 95% of us.

Ibica, regarding the lack of hips: me too!! Never had 'hips' as such. Always loved the look of hipster jeans on other girls, never able to wear them as hipsters m'self, on account of the lack of discernible hip.

And obviously, any style of clothing relying on a cleavage effect is a non-starter for me too :p

Welcome to the sisterhood, babes.

Now off you go and get yourself an eating disorder and a lifelong compulsion to please everyone around you and you're all set!

:p

Joking aside: your particular situation is obviously going to magnify the impact of some of these things in subtle ways. Drawing the line between what is gender dysmorphic and what is the ordinary day to day self criticism/loathing/consciousness that is being a woman might be difficult at times.

Though, men seem to be running up behind us on this track. The days when men could just throw on whatever was clean and consider they'd done their sartorial duty for the day are fast disappearing. And whilst being an unattractive woman is still more frowned on by society than being an unattractive man, the cracks are starting to show.

They've been showing, you're just noticing now.

Can't. Look. Away.

Caught. In. The. Glare.

Lies.

And "clean" is a relative term.

Doesn't anyone use electric any more?

Norelco all the way. Close shave, no nicks. The dry shave is mildly irritating to the skin, but after you are done, you just splash a little cold water on your face, and it's fine. It's faster and just as close. I haven't shaved with a blade in 25 years or more.

Electric are much cheaper and better for the environment too, because you aren't using any hot water, and the amount of current they draw is minimal. No supplies to buy. Nothing to throw away. The cost of the razor pays for itself in like 6 months.

You have seen my profile pics. Have you ever thought: "that glatt has a poorly shaved face?" The only trick with the electric is that sometimes you need to pull slightly on the skin to get the hairs to stand up straight as you pass over them with the electric.

You can get the $30 corded one, or spring for the $60 cordless that you can walk around with while you shave. You need to charge it once a week, though.

I am with you Glatt! My husband is cheap and hacks[ed] his face up all the time. For his birthday I bought him a Norelco. Going to social events with his face dripping blood scares the crap out of people. I dunno how it shaves legs.

IBS save your cash and get a No No, hair gone for 6 weeks at a time would be fabulous. ;)

Electrics don't work on my legs...hair is too baby fine

Ibby, welcome to the sisterhood. You have just hit on one of the thorny topics that never quite seems to get resolved.

I highly recommend a lubricated multi-blade razor and lots of hot water. Shave your legs in the bath AFTER soaking for a while, but before you prune up. Use soap, not shaving cream. Fresh, sharp razors are better than old ones. If money is an issue, try this.

If your skin can stand it, I use Nair For Men (never use the women's kind; the Ph is not your Ph and will burn). Follow the directions on the bottle and do not deviate. This is important. The lotion will also soften your skin as a side-benefit and the smoothness will last longer (I get at least a week before I feel stubble).

A lot of us late-bloomers use a depilator. I know, it hurts and it torture to use. I recommend the enjoi Optima. Use on hair that is more than 1/16 but less than 1/4 inch long.

If hormones are in your future, be advised that most of your body hair will become very fine (vellous) and mostly invisible over the course of time. Not your face though :( That, you need to treat with electrolysis and/or laser.

Hormones also change your body's distribution of fat, giving you curves, although you will always have narrow hips.

I am full of these little secrets, all you have to do is ask!

Take care

Pamela

This is what I've been using from the very beginning. Disposable razors are absurd.

Also, Mr. Clod uses an electric too, and would never, ever consider switching to real blades. I've never tried it myself, but he uses a pre-shave to soften the hair (Nivea for Men moisturizing shave gel) and then moves it in lots of very small circles all over his face until it's magically done.

Sorry, I disagree - I've tried several electric razors. FAIL. They don't even dent my facial hair.
MY son uses one because he is afraid of using a regular blade. It takes him at least 15 mins to shave with it and he still looks rough when done. I always have to touch him up afterward.
AFTER using one, I look like most men BEFORE they shave.
I've gone with a beard from the chin line up for the past couple years out of sheer economics.
I only shave my neck now. Otherwise I'll go through too many blades.
^^^WSS^^^

The answer:



Works on radio, too, for those of us who have delicate sensibilities.



Ibram, you've come a long way, baby.

Moonlight?

Women's razors are lovely. They are streamlined and shapely, come in many beautiful colors, and may be delicately scented with aromatherapeutically correct lavender or citrus or lavender and citrus. They cost five times as much as men's razors from the same company.

And they can't shave for crap.

Get a decent men's razor (double or triple blade) and moisturize the hell out of anything it touches.

Electrics are good for leg shaving, but never get as close as a blade.

The as seen on tv light grit sandpaper that you stick down to something that looks like a currycomb ... total crap. Doesn't work. Don't waste the money.

A lot of opinions here. I disagree with this one. I think the thing about blades is that they slice off the top layer of skin cells, so the skin feels tight, and many people mistake that tight feeling for a close shave. Electric razors don't really do anything to the skin, but they tug on the hair as they cut it. (You can actually feel this, especially when the hair is longer.) So the hair gets tugged out as it's cut, and the cut line is lower than the surrounding skin.

I think electrics are just as close or closer than blades.

We'll agree to disagree. Maybe its the type of hair, but that "tugging" you speak of is more like the electric razor attempting to rip the hair out, to me anyway.

In your pictures, you appear to have a very thick beard, so I'm sure your experience is different than mine.

On that we agree. As it just so happens, I am shaving my beard tomorrow am for my
speech. This should be fun I haven't had a clean face in a looooooooooooooong time.

Has anyone tried one of those razors with the vibrating handle?

For the life of me I can't figure why you'd want that, unless it is a way of discretely selling sex toys. In which case a sharp blade seems foolish.

The sharp blade does detach you know, even then, I doubt the vibes are strong enough to do any real good. I can't think of a good reason anyone would think that helps in shaving.

I don't know from shaving, but I've heard the vibrating handle is a good idea because the blade is more effective moving slightly sideways than up-n-down.

I haven't tried an electric since the early eighties but it tore up my face enough to prevent ever trying it again. Ibica wants a super clean finish so I'd go Gillette Mach 3. If you rinse them out well you can use them quite a while to save on dollars.

Get an electric razor, and put your jeans on wet so they dry to your shape.