Your dick looks so big in their little hands.

Why don't Mexicans want their daughters to marry blacks?

Because their kids would be too lazy to steal!

Who has the sig line with a quote from Matt Sweeney of Zwan? The one about the difference between a priest and acne? That one's a classic!

I've seen it on Slashdot a few times...

I disagree. I think you can lose on delivery. So I'll leave you boys to it.

Okay... I'm in!

q) How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
a) Trying to read the waffle iron.

q) Why did God invent women?
a) Because sheep can't type.

q) What do you call the african-american chief of thoracic surgery at Johns Hopkins?
a) Nigger.

q) Why do Jews have such big noses?
a) Because air is free.


Wheeee! This is so... liberating and juvenile. I don't ever want this thread to end.

http://www.afb.org/info_documents.asp?collectionid=1

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/transplant/people/

http://www.adl.org/adl.asp

http://www.nmco.org/

<insert lame pun here>

In fact, I remember writing about teaching poodles to fly. So much to remember, so little aspirin. There is already a parody of the movie "8 mile" on it's way I forgot about starring my man- adam sandler. This makes feel so much better about the whole "white rap" movement altogether, ugh. I'm so much older now.

The joke sycamore was talking about goes something like this:

<b>What's the difference between a priest and acne?</b>

Acne waits until you're a teenager before it comes on your face.

And here's one that's similar to another I posted earlier:

<b>How can you tell if your roommate is gay?</b>

He gets hard when you fuck him.

I was wondering what all of that "proper" medical terminology and psycho jargin was doing here but I just didn't have the patience to read those posts. I just come here to have fun, and try to share with others things they might not otherwise know about the entertainment industry. Sycamore has a heck of a poetry page if nobody else has thought to check out his profile. I for one like to know who I am talking to before I attempt to prescribe any sort of advice whatsoever.

I picked this up a while ago on Slashdot and laughed so hard at it that I nearly cried.

Secret Geek Handshake
<ol><li>Push up your coke-bottle glasses with the white cloth tape over the bridge
<li>Wipe your nose on your sleeve while surreptitiously looking down to make sure your pocket protector and all your pens are in order
<li>Look back up quickly, tossing back your greasy Bill Gates unkempt-style hair to one side, for a better view
<li>Nervously extend the left hand and then utter the sacred oath “Uh… oh, wrong hand, heh.”
<li>Extend a cold, extremely clammy right hand while tucking your left hand into pocket and slouching, all the time grinning like you did in that really bad driver’s license photo.
<li>Grasp unsteadily and pump weakly once before trying to remove hand while other party is still trying to shake.
</ol>

Syc, you gonna tell us what that picture you drew is?

Three Klansmen looking at a nigger in a well.

Thanks joe. :)

THAT is so hillarious! Kinda makes me think of southpark. In my "dream" world, there would be no klan, or southern baptists, nor baptists for that matter. Generally speaking, they take the written contents of the bible as literal truth. There is no such thing as a man with ten heads and four spines with feathers. blahblahblahblahblahgrrr

You betcha'.

: )

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagon?

You can fit 'em in a Volkswagon one at a time. All it takes is some measuring tape and a pen and paper; )

I dunno, how many?

OK, Nic guesses 24. I'm gonna be a little more conservative and say, oh, 18. What's the correct answer?

btw I believe that is a picture from a concentration camp during WW2. Did you know that Hitler designed the body for the very first vw? I had a hippy wagon once, the nice thing about it was that whenever the voltage regulator crapped out I could easily push it off of the road by myself. It was essentialy an aluminum can on wheels and actually required very little maintenance

2 up front, 2 in the back, and 6 million in the ashtray.

A father came in the bedroom to find his 13-year-old daughter smoking a cigarette.
"My God! How long have you been smoking?" screams the father.
"Since I lost my virginity," replies the girl.
"You lost your VIRGINITY!!! When the hell did this happen?" shrieks the father.
"I don't remember," says the girl. "I was completely drunk."

mmmmnn-
 

even I will drunk to that. urp- LEUTT

you know .... I came REALLY close to posting that this morning ...



Which is easier to unload ... a truckload of cinderblocks or a truckload of dead babies?

Dead babies, because you can use a pitchfork ...

(i have been enjoying this thread FAR to much. thanks for starting it ...)

bill yon doll are babe ez
 

did that one too. Where are the babies? Somewhere over the mountain I gather. Hope 2 see you there too!

How do you get a thousand Ethiopians into the front seat of a truck?

Wipe a booger on the dashboard.

How do you get them out?

Turn on the air conditioning.

Yeh- and peeling them off of my arm as I speak. Boogers rule, but only if you allow them to. WE NEED MORE CLEAN BOOGERS FOR OUR CLEAN RAGS, SAVE MORE MONEY AND PUT A CLEAN BOOGER IN IT NOW!!

Dave's random opinion RULES!! hands down now-

You guys run out of good material already?

Yesterday scientists suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a second look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each given 8 pints of beer to be drank within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive well, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong......

The problem with the beer experiment was that there was no control group. Had there been, it would have been observed that there was no difference between the control group and the experimental group...especially if we qualify "had to sit down while urininating" further with "if all the pee must go in the toilet". :-)

Marijuana *does* have significant estrogenic effect, though...

So...."How many Frenchmen does it take to hold Paris?"

[ off topic - I get every last drop in there through a special trick I call "standing over the toilet and shooting mostly straight down". It's amazing how well this works.

However, after I got shot, when I was in the hospital... my depth perception and equilibrium were naturally quite damaged... which lead to... uh... some spillage (all over the place). ]

I am trying to think of more tasteless jokes, but I have yet to come up with any. I'll go looking tonight or tomorrow online :)

Shake and wiggle all you please,
but the last little drop is for the BVD's.

...So the gerbil says to the other gerbil, "Let's go in the gay bar and get shitfaced."

What's this?

What's the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?

"Nobody knows."

HAHAHA. :) That was good. :)

I am offended as frog leg connoisseur.

How can I be racist? Black People Love Me!!

The length of the rope.

When does a black man turn into a nigger?

As soon as his brakes fail and the nigger standing in the middle of the road decides to "challenge" the driver to a friendly game of "dual"? One hell of a mexican stand-off if you ask me, but still- one less meddlesome "nigger" to suffer. Not that it's their fault they were raised to act and think like their parents. But a nuisance to most everyone, nonetheless and YES there are many differences.

The answer to my last posted picture: an Ethiopian family

The moment he leaves the room.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

Did you hear about the house the two lesbians built?

There were no studs; it was all tongue-and-groove.

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

Just one. All she has to do is the handy man.

Re: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

When you start off with two lesbians, "handy man" is an oxymoron. :-)

Re: Re: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

As intended, there are two characters in the joke. One who is a lesbian, the other is a handy man. Sorry if it went over your head, but the lesbian in the joke would still prefer a man to screw it in for her. The bulb that is and the handy man only likes women but I felt no need to include that information in the joke. My answer is still "just one". It is an original. No sarcasm intended, honest.

: ]

"What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?"

Nothin', y'already done told'er twice. :)

Re: Re: Re: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

Sorry if it went over *your* head, but for a lesbian, there's nothing handy about a man. :-) It is true that how much some men would like to believe lesbians need them for *anything* other than the occasional sperm donation is one of the funniest things on the planet.

How many fleas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but the problem is getting them in there to begin with.

I dunno, maybe "now that's what I call being 'hard up' for nookie?".

Re: Re: Re: Re: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

You mean lesbians have learned to open vacuum-sealed jars, do basic automobile maintenence, and read maps? Damn, there go those subjugation strategies right out the window.

Hmph. I'll bet you're the one who gave away the secrets, too. You're not going to tell the heterosexual women, are you?

I hear they can parallel park too ...

Yeah, sure wolf. You'll believe anything you see on TV.

"Now with quadrasteering, to help you get in tight spaces." Of course they don't show the woman getting out of the car and letting the professional driver in to back in between those motorcycles.

Do you know why Helen Keller was such a bad driver? Oops, sorry.. already done :)

Just because the chick ... er... woman in that commericial with the bikers drives an SUV and is able to parallel park does NOT make her a lesbian!!

My apologies if I spoiled your fantasy.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 

Naw....none of them will sleep with me. :-)