The other day Mum received a Thank You prayer card after she attended a funeral.
She immediately put that on the list of things I have to do when she dies.

This is going to be a very formal occasion.

I have written instructions already to:
Notify the local papers (Family Notices section, not the news desk obviously)
Contact everyone in her address book (all labelled as to their relationship to my parents ie ex work colleague, Ambulance, old school friend, second cousin etc)
Arrange the Mass with the songs and readings already decided on, as well as present the eulogy
Thank everyone personally as they leave the church
Make sure there is a Book of Condolence so I know who to write to
Host the wake - PROPERLY! - which includes making sure everyone knows in advance when and where it is and sending people directions
Again speak to everyone at the wake so they feel comfortable and comforted
Send out prayer cards afterwards
Have a Mass said every year in memorium
With a notice in the paper of course
Oh and tend the "graves" (cremation marker)

If Dad dies first I get to do all of the above at Mum's side. If it's Mum first I will need to be the organiser.
She thinks my sister will fall apart (because she cries at funerals) and my brother does not value ceremony enough.

Funny to be seen as the responsible one only in the event of death.

It's nice to have standards and procedures!

OMG - THAT RIGHT THERE is some good pre-planning!
Where's that procrastination thread..... meh - I'll look later.

Wow, Sundae. That list -it's length and detail- seems telling of something, and I am not sure what. I will get back to you on that.

a pain in the rump even in death? ;)

That sounds right. I think the fact that she expects Sundae to do all of this when she is suppose to be grieving the loss of her mother seems insensitive.

Who else is going to do it? Having a list makes it easier, and there can be comfort in having something to do that doesn't require too much original thought.

I'd say you are doing pretty damm well without any social guidance.

See now that's your problem, it's not a spanner, it's a monkey wrench.:lol2:

hence the ;) :p:

I find myself using "spanner in the works" all the time. I think I first figured out what it was from some video game where they said it and I looked it up to see what it meant.

Can I be an honorary Brit? :)

It's not that. She's just silently acknowledging that you are by far the superior party-planner in the family.

Much as I moan about Mum, she is an excellent planner. And she wants things her own way, full stop. I think I've inherited both traits. Although I slightly mock her "proper" ways, it's only because I've fallen foul of them in the past. She will have the funeral she wants, and/or the funeral Dad wants. And she will be able to rely on me.
Funnily enough, I think that's true. Which is why she's gone to such length and in such detail. Because there's an incy wincy part of her which worries I'll organise a themed fairy pink funeral or somesuch, with an elephant and a steel band and a hot air balloon :)

OMG you totally should do it. I bet your dad would love it.

Damn, I'd go to that. :D

Speaking as someone who has recently had to organise all this stuff for my mother ... She didn't leave quite as precise a list, but it was very comforting to me to know that I was doing what she wanted. I'd say, leave all the directions you want, make it as precise as you like, it is easy to following instructions when you are grieving.

It's odd because it will be the first time she's given you instructions that you can safely completely ignore.

I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. Having instructions would be much better than agonizing over what Mum would have wanted. Come to think of it, I think I am going to ask my mom for a list. She probably won't give me one, but maybe she will start thinking of those things and give me some ideas. I already know she absolutely wants to be buried and not cremated. Other than that, it's a complete mystery.

My mother has made the arragements and paid for the funeral.

My parents have made arrangements and have money set aside for long-term care, if necessary. House is protected, if necessary...funerals paid for.

The only think I know is my mom wants Amazing Grace on bagpipes, she thinks it's so pretty.

I would rather have them than any house or money...but it is nice to know they have taken care of so much of it already...god knows I'll be a mess, and I'm no "planner" anyway.

hers and not yours, presumably? :eek: That would be a little too much....

That depends on who goes first.

The only bit of Sundae's list that I thought might be expected a bit too much was the greeting people so everyone feels comfortable. Shouldn't it be the other way round with the attendees greeting the bereaved?

After all that, neither I nor said friend can go to the funeral as it's on Saturday afternoon and I'd already made plans to head up north for the weekend and the friend is going to Queensland...so unfortunately, we'll both be sending our apologies. And before someone smartarse (not thinking of anyone in particular here) points out that Queensland is also north, may I add that Qld is much more to the north-east than direct north.