You are a working journalist, now that you have been fixed. In the cut off your balls sense of the word.

I wish I were turning 21 instead of 30 on Friday.

Bam! Griff's goats are now the most popular item on the catwalks, and from coast-to-coast their popularity is comparable to Paris Hilton's, and just as incomprehensible. The endless parade of dealmaking weasels at Griff's door ruins his life of rural ease.

I wish everyone would refresh the thread before submitting their reply.

i refreshed the thread box before replying, but in an unbelievable twist if irony, i was unable to think of anything whitty to reply with.




cock.

i wish you all thought that was as funny as i do

Everyone begins refreshing the thread. Everyone in the whole damn world. The resulting bandwidth spikes at 120gb per hour, costing UT billuns and billuns of cash money in hosting fees.

I still wish I were turning 21 instead of 30 on friday.

rofl...everyone except YOU!

You turn 21 and you realize how much everyone hates a confident poised 21 yo.

I wish I could score the winning goal in the world cup.

We do. Deep inside you know how funny that is.

I wish I was a successful dope farmer.

You score the winning goal in the world cup, with an amazing fly kick, but you land wrong and you femur bone penetrates your pelic bone severing your penis in front of the entire world.

I wish i could live the simple life in a beach cabin somewhere and just surf all day and sit by a bon fire all night..

Griff, you are a successful dope farmer--but your goats get out one night, eat your whole crop, and go on a rampage doing tens of thousands of dollars in damage to the city.

Sun_Sparkz, you live the simple life in a beach cabin--but the hurricane kills you a week later.

I wish I didn't hate my job.

An enterprising young HR exec sees "A Clockwork Orange", and brainwashes you into loving your job using the same therapies as they used on Alex.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner.

You find yourself in a dark place. It's hot and steamy. and crowded. there are two other prescences close by, but you cant see them. Only one eye seems to be working, and it's very dark. suddenly, you feel something heavy thump against you. then there is a horrifically loud rending sound, and light spills in around you. You are crushed between two giant blunt pincers. They pull on you until you feel like you might fly into the air, but then you realize that you have no legs or feet, and your body is planted tightly in the ground. Ground? no time to look any closer, your head is stretched forward by the pincers, and you feel a powerfull surge from within. opening your one good eye, you are confronted by an enormous urinal. The surge grows, and you feel a fluid rushing up within you, and now your sight goes blurry as it fountains out of your eye. All of the sudden, it dawns on you. You're a dick. Humiliated, you wait for the body to stop pissing you off. Just before it happens, you remember the shake. Oh no. You utter a quick prayer that he's not a wringer or a flicker. Before it comes, though, you hear a booming voice. this is not your body's voice. it comes from behind. "Oscar? Oscar Maier?" your body turns, exposing you to a view of a man in a mustard bottle costume. "Oscar! Man, I'ts been ages! How've you been!?"

Remembering your wish, you shrivel. you're an Oscar Maier Weiner.

I wish I had a bottomless bag of diamonds.

looking back at the long trail of glittering diamonds leading back up the side of the mountain, you suddenly wish you had asked for an endlessly refilling bag of diamonds, instead of just a bag with no bottom.

I wish I got to live 50 hours in every day, while everyone else still got 24.

Smooth was enjoying his newly granted gift from the gods until one day. One day as he probed the alarming number of new wrinkles he saw in the mirror did he then understand that when he was effectively a decrepit one hundred years old, we would still be a youthful forty-eight.

I wish that I could know the answer to any question I asked.

Bam! You're Alex Trebek.

I wish we had a better political system.

Bam. Our political system now runs like clockwork. Too bad it's a dictatorship and you're in the work camp.

I wish my kids would do their chores without asking.