She always admired big apple carts, so you figured she loves apple carts. So you set up a really amazing apple cart... the biggest apple cart you could build, and you filled it to the brim with apples. Now it turns out she admired full apple carts because of how the apples would fly everywhere when she pushed them over. Wow, how the apples fly.


(I don't know anything about your relationship, and whether this analogy applies at all, but I have seen this particular drama play out a few times)

There's one more out there, as of a couple weeks ago.

Well, if you didn't think so much of yourself, think you're fitter, smarter, worth more, coolest kid on the block who someone else should idolize and be thankful for any attention from you, it might not happen.
If you dump the superiority complex, realize you're just one of millions, be thankful to be treated as an equal and eager to treat them as an equal rather than a minion or pet, it might not happen.

One man's catch and release is another man's sustenance.

Dayum. Who was that aimed at? Just use a knife next time...

Justin Bieber is registered here?!!!

Not aimed like a knife, strewn like Tactical Road Stars.

The thing is, your center was outside of yourself. When you do that... And you have to do that for a relationship to work... You run the risk of the other person jumping off of their end of the teeter totter.

Hurts like a mother fucker when your ass hits the ground.

Sorry man

No, it's a list of positive qualities I can, with effort, remind / convince myself of (and do not follow the entrenched narrative of the last six months, hearing and believing only bad things about myself)--fitness level, IQ, and annual income are concrete attributes which can be observed and measured. The subjective opinion of whether Portland is a 'stylish' town does not refer to myself at all, but to, as I said, where I live. The smart reader may have picked up on this list as being 'things that are supposed to make you happy but really do not have that ability'

How about consider that psychoanalyzing a situation regarding which you know literally none of the circumstances, you aren't winning any awards for 'best speculative leaps which reveal the hidden message' --you're just being insensitive to someone who is obviously in pain. It's not 'tough love' if you're just piggybacking a hunch on top of --what? an old grudge? You don't like someone, so kick them while they're down? That just seems like being a dickhead.

:ahem: in my opinion.

Don't know exactly how your ride ended, but when I got back from being out of town (working a travel contract so "we" could afford to move "the family" to Portland), my seat was occupied. Actually had been for about two years but she "didn't know" and was "sorry" --how about that? When I finally got to Portland, depressed and without a new job lined up, she decided this would be the perfect time to dump me. Right when I can't afford to get my own place--mind you I've been depressed for months about being away from the kids, so all I wanted was to get back "home" --and so here we all are, living in the same house just like before, except she's downstairs fucking her "best friend who she could never think of as more than a friend" and she is "sorry" --what a really great person, right? She's sorry that she lied to me for two years, but, well she "didn't know" so it's not really lying, and what's the big deal anyway? Jeez, get over it, right? This is a very common situation, said no one ever.

Ah, the Tactical Road Stars worked. We have case of the shoe fits perhaps.

The list of "observed and measured" don't mean jack shit in a relationship, and that's always been your handicap. Couples can be happy or not, from sleeping in a cardboard box in the park to the best palaces. When it works it's because they have genuine apathy for each other, genuine respect and show it every day. You'll have to wait because I'm being awesome dear, doesn't cut it.

Hurting? I know, I've been there done that... more than once. But I was always aware I wasn't "betrayed", that would put the blame elsewhere. That's never the case, there's always enough blame to go around. Until you understand and accept that, you'll never heal.

You're missing the point. Twice. It's a list of things that are "supposed to" make a person happy--nothing to do with relationships, you're in the wrong ballpark--my point is that I'm at the unhappiest I've ever been, despite a list of measurable aspects--which have nothing to do with anything about the relationship, but a "self inventory" of someone who feels like they have nothing to feel good about because they are severely depressed. Read, repeat.

I remember very clearly, an image of a couple walking out of Walmart, smiling at each other and laughing. They were very unattractive. They were People of Walmart.

But this was during the time when I was reeling. When my world exploded. When I was alone. And I thought, "these toothless paupers are able to be happy just to be together."

Neither one of them has what you or I have going for us. Why couldn't I manage to keep my wife happy. As much as I pampered her, and provided a life of ease.... It was not enough. Or it was too much.... Whatever it was, just being together and loving each other was not enough for her.

The hard thing to accept is that you can't understand her motivation. You can't because you don't have her brain. You probably never will.

I won't say time heals all wounds. Fuck that. Suffer this. Feel all of it. Just don't let it ruin you. There is time enough to love again. No hurry. Get yourself back inside yourself for now.
You were there for me when I went through this. You call me any time. Both of you.

I read somewhere that the best way to know if you can trust someone is to trust them. I tried that, and, yes, it worked. I never held her back, I supported her all the way. She took the ball and ran with it, it was a total game winning touchdown for her. All made possible by me not being possessive, not being jealous --doing everything by the book. I set her free and she didn't come back. But she didn't leave. She stayed and tortured me with it, because she didn't know herself and she doesn't understand how human feelings work--in a blind spot centered right around herself.

Well shit. I didn't realize there was infidelity going on. That's a jagged pill. I'm sorry man. I wish I could offer some pertinent advice to help.