The Cellar - Job Opportunity

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- Nothingland (http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=36)

- - Job Opportunity (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=28636)

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster (Post 852383)

Dear God,

I am applying for the position of pope. As a lifelong female and atheist, I feel I can lead the church in a whole new direction more inkeeping with the current market. As you will see from my resume, in addition to the leadership skills essential for this position, i have a proven consistency and unwaivering belief that I know will bring strength and hope to those who are questioning.

smooches,

monster

1970-2012 Atheist, good person
2012 Suffered Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke
2013 Still a fucking atheist

reference:

*Flying Spaghetti Monster
*Infinite Monkey
*monster

Dear Monster,

Thank you for your resume and interest in this position. There are a very tiny handful of candidates applying for this job who have qualifications at least as dubious as yours. You mentioned that you recently suffered a Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke, no doubt you are aware of our faith's fondness for crypts and the book of Genesis, we are very impressed at how you managed to work those two things together, however we are really looking for someone who can suffer the little children, if you get my drift, as such we regretfully have to decline your offer to take on the role of Pope.

We wish you luck in your further atheistic endeavors.

Sincerely,

God, p.p. St. Peter

Dear God,

I do suffer the little children. But I swear to FSM if there's one more snow day for no sodding reason whatsoever, my suffering will end.

p.s. will I get employee discount on communion whine?

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster (Post 852392)

p.s. will I get employee discount on communion whine?

They'll overcharge you, Monster. They use cheap wine.

that's ok, i'll charge it before i change to my papal name. I'm thinking Pope Onarope?

hmmmmm.... papal.....paypal......coincidence?

Pope Indapizza

Pope Fred

The Artist Formerly known as Pope.

Pope

Pope Daddy

Popey

P. Diddy

Popeadiddypop

Quote:

Paddy Power

????

Pope Diddy Paddy Power!

Poples who need Poples

So Cardinal Scola is in the hunt.. I'd like everyone to say Pope Scola three times fast cuz all the soda cans are red white and blue ones...

Recycling this from last time...

Quote:

One of the more unlikely candidates for the Papacy is Cardinal Hans Grapje. Grapje was raised in a Catholic school and as a young man aspired to become a priest.

However, he was drafted into the Army during World War II and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943, resulting in the loss of his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a military chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

In 1997, Father Grapje (now an archbishop) was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a massive cave-in, trapping scores of miners deep in the earth. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer comfort and last rites to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed and entombed him for three days; he suffered multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye.

Some time after being rescued, he developed a severe condition from his extensive underground exposure to the high silver content in the mine's air. It is characterized by purplish skin blotches and is found in many life-long silver miners.

For his heroism and selfless service to others, the church elevated him to Cardinal.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders felt that he could never ascend to the Papacy.

The Church just couldn't accept a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple papal leader.

Thanks folks, I'll be here for eternity, unless I retire, try the flesh and blood of your saviour.