Oh and for the record I dont hate my Mom ,
I had Lots of opportunity to ask all the questions ,
I dont think I would have liked most of the answers

I don't hate my mom, and I know she loves me but she could be much nicer, much much nicer. I guess she can't help it that she's mean sometimes or a lot of times. And sometimes, it seems she's on pms 32days of the month. But she's just mean to my sister and me. All of my friends think she's the sweetest. :rolleyes:

This is so common, I think. For some reason people feel like they don't have to extend common courtesies to their relatives.

She actually says this, as if it is a normal state of affairs.
And I know she genuinely believes it is correct behaviour.

Perhaps it is in some families.
Having the whole family afraid of one of the members doesn't seem right to me.

I do love her of course.
And she has been very good to me.

I really like this post. I haven't been where you've had to go, but my parents are there for me when I finally break down and ask for help.

I know there are so many families who don't have this, and I think that's really sad. I wonder how people stay strong. I dunno, maybe without unconditional love I would be stronger. Not like jelly, like I am.

Anyway, my heart goes out to those with dysfunction in their lives, but I am happy to hear stories about loving helpful parents.

heard this this morning:

I paraphrase.....

Many Parents take their identity from the role they play as a parent. They are identified with the position of superiority over their children. When children grow up, and no longer require that kind of supervision, the parent loses that influence, and that control... they also lose some of who they are. Their ego is threatened, and lashes out or judges or does what ever it can to regain that control. The parents are unconscious of this occurring within themselves.

very difficult to help a person see this, though...the ego may prevent them from realizing the truth in it. What you can do is control your reaction to it. Awareness of their motivation may provide you the needed compassion to help you deal with it. Understanding that they are trying to hold on to what they see as their self worth may make it easier for you to stomach.

I can only speak to my experiences, and a bit of what others have said or written.

IMO, daughters bond with their Moms and sons with their Dads,
and have to pass through the terrible teens to magic twenty-somethings
when suddenly the parents become a lot smarter and nicer.

But even for years after, there is still the inner drive of parents trying to draw out
the best for their child, and the child seeking approval and respect of the parent.
Conflicts come when either or both don't or can't satisfy that inner drive.

My wife and I raised 3 daughters, and I've seen (and sometimes been privy to)
both sides of at least 20 years of these push-pull endeavors .
It's been wonderful seeing three different personalities (as far apart as the legs of a milking stool)
approach, test, respond, react, manipulate, attack, coalesce, retreat, tease, sulk, give, take...
and grow along this path to their own adult relationship with their Mom.

But the best parts have been watching each girl transition from daughter-hood
to mother-hood in their own family, and their Mom (sometimes reluctantly)
giving up some of her previous life-role in exchange for becoming a grandmother.

Somehow, it's all worked out great.

I'm pretty close to my mom and my dad. In many ways, I'm more like my dad. Also, I have two brothers, no sisters, and was a bit of a tomboy.

But it took adulthood to realize how truly wonderful they both are.

Silly boy, everybody knows Mom Spit is magical. It cleans, sanitizes, and heals booboos.

I totally see this with my parents. Still. It seems like my not doing what they want me to really really pains them.

I don't hate my mom. Any more. I did when I was a kid. She let me down. She's a loser. I've made it on my own now, despite her. So no reason to hate. I just don't care.

My Mum and I had some rough times when I was a pubescent teenager, but after that, we became pretty good friends. The best in fact. I was a lot closer to my Dad when I was a teenager in a lot of ways, but I think that's a special time for most people as they grow. If I had lost either of my parents during that time I think I'd be one very fucked up individual (if in fact I am not already), but I really feel I've had the chance to thank my parents for the job they did with me, and to try and tell them and show them how much I appreciate the sacrifices they made.

They weren't perfect as parents, and nor am I, but I think they gave me a pretty good drafting board to work from as I go through the process of being a parent myself.

I love you Mum and Dad. Always have, always will. No matter what.

'Cause I've never felt, not even once that she loved me. . . and that's the truth. :(

But does she hate you?

Do you love you?