I almost forgot to ask, will we have<a href="http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2492"> words painted </a> on our backs?

No...there is no confusing our Circus Maximus Roman Death and Gore Gladiatorial Spectacular (tm) with art. If we had words written on our backs, it would be art, then all the hoity-toity art types would show up dressed in black, nosing around for grants, and that would be very offputting to our target audience on TNN. Unless we stuck 'em in a chariot and killed 'em.

Could we feed the hoity-toity art-types to the lions as a warm-up act for the chariot races?

I think it would be entertaining.

Oh, and since the floor is open for weaponry, I'd like two please ... electric bullwhip and a 12-gauge shotgun.

(slang nods his head in approval) Good call.

The bullwhip is a particularly interesting weapon ... it's intimidation factor can't be beat.

Also, I already know how to use one.

Properly. Not just in a "whip me, beat me, chain me up and make me feel cheap" kind of way. Coupla different cracks, target work, etc. (I wouldn't ask for a weapon I couldn't be effective with, after all).

One of my friends is a wild-west performer, does all kinds of fancy rope tricks, whip tricks, and knife throwing. (I'm going to be working on him to give me some knife throwing lessons this coming spring and summer. It's something I've always wanted to learn.)

Hey, if its good enough for Indiana Jones, how can you go wrong?

One thing I want to know, though...what does an *electric* bullwhip do for you, exacty? Deliver a shock, or does it have some sort of battery-powered motor for the whipping action, and all you have to do is aim and push the button?

I still say that this kind of program is what "Reality TV" will turn into in five years, tops.

Fourteen contestants start in Week One. They spend fifty minutes with Immunity Challenge games and group activities and mugging for the camera, then the group votes on which two get put into a UFC-style arena to fight to the death. There'll be four boxes in the arena, each containing a randomly-selected weapon; these could include a machete, pepper spray, a crossbow, an olive fork, a trash can lid, a bag of throwing stars, or other Things That Could Hurt. When one drops, roll credits and get ready for next week.

THERE's your "Survivor 2005."

Welcome to Thunderdome
 

"Two men enter, one man leaves..."

The electric bullwhip is a standard bullwhip which issues a high voltage shock on contact. Kind of like an extra-long, flexible, cattle prod.

Do electric bullwhips exist in reality, or are we going to have to custom design one for the show?

I'll look around, but I think custom design may be necessary.

It should be relatively simple to braid the whip around a belly of the electrified cable, rather than multiple thin, essentially mini-whips that form the core.

The cable would extend past the end of the lash, forming the cracker, rather than having a separate leather or textile cracker.

Of course, we'll have to find some way to make sure that there is a lot of impressive arcing and crackling associated with it's use, maybe some fiber optic strands in the outer braid as well? That should look cool.

It's all about the show.

Perhaps *two* electrodes on the end, and some sort of microprocessor that will increase and release the voltage at the exact moment of impact, delivering the maximum shock as well as an enormous electrical arc, complete with crackling, ozone, flashing and sparking and screams of pain from the victim?

If we could sufficiently power the thing, it might even be coaxed to deliver an actual bolt of artificial lightning, and then we'd have the miniature thunderclap (which is essentially what happens when the tip of a bullwhip snaps) to go with it. Sort of traditional and high-tech at the same time, no?

slang, do you think you could throw something together here?

OFF TOPIC
 

Wolf, does this "friend" happen to know how to replace crackers? Mine is prematurely shortened and is in need of replacement.

Also breaking in. But you can do that for me anytime.

Brian

The whirling chariot axles could generate the power. Have them charge a large capacitor so you can only use the charge after a few laps. That should add some strategy and gut wrenching fear.

We'll also need monkeys in goat carts and little people with absurd weapons.